Page 123 of Away We Go

“A P3 is good, though,” Serena pipes up ten long laps later as the cars cross the finish line. “It means he only lost out ten points to Nate.”

The winner of the race gets twenty-five points, with the points going down to fifteen for third place. It’s enough to make the weekend not disastrous but is not enough for him to clinch the title here as predicted. Not by a long shot.

“We should go down for the podium ceremony,” she says, gathering up her things.

I hang back. “You go.”

“Come on, Cherry. You know Nicky loves seeing your face in the crowd.”

I swallow thickly, guilt for so many things eating away at my stomach. Part of me wants to go down there and celebrate this with the team and with Nicky, but a bigger part wants to stay up here and hide. I don’t need to look at social media to know the comments being written about this race; about how a ‘distracted’ Nicky let another win slip through his fingers. How it’s all my fault.

“I’ll join you in a bit,” I lie.

She hesitates, only leaving when I push her in that direction.

Once she’s out of sight, I take the stairs down to my ‘office’, the small space I share with Serena at each racetrack and rarely use.

“Cherry?”

Tanya picks up after the first ring and I blubber the minute I hear her voice.

“What’s happened?” she cries.

I blow my nose and attempt to get myself under control. “Did you watch the race?” It’s one of the few races where the time zone between Singapore and Australia isn’t horrendous, which means it’s one of the few races I know she’ll be watching. She’s not a big enough fan to do the whole ‘wake up at two in the morning thing’ to watch the European races.

“Yes, I’m watching now. Nicky’s on the podium. Where are you?”

I hiccup and swallow another sob. “I think I have to come home.”

“What?” Her shock rings out through the phone. “Why? What’s happened?”

“He’s not winning.”

“And?”

“It’s my fault.”

She snorts. An actual snort. “No, it’s not.”

I draw in a shaky breath. “Okay, it’s not all my fault. But me being here? Everyone is saying I’m a distraction.”

Tanya is quiet for a moment. “Are you sure that’s what this is about?”

“What do you mean?” I sink into an office chair and spin around in a circle until my head spins along with it. It feels like a perfect metaphor for my life at the moment.

“Cherry, I love you, but I feel you’ve been struggling with this whole Nicky thing since you got together.”

It’s true. We had two weeks of bliss and moments of wonderful since then. Everything else has been stress and awfulness rolled into one.

“Whatever’s going on—and I know I’ve been struggling; Nicky knows it too—it’s making him unfocussed. He’s going to lose the Championship again this year. Partially because of me.”

“I don’t believe that for a second.”

She’s nothing if not blunt.

“Tan, Nicky has and would sacrifice everything for me. He’d give me the world. I feel like it’s time to repay him.”

“By leaving?”

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