Page 125 of Away We Go

“I’m sorry,” I cry, kneeling in front of him and pressing my hands against his stubbled jaw.

“Don’t be.” His voice is rough. He pulls my hands away from his face, his eyes boring into mine. “I knew it was a big ask, having you join me in this world. I was hoping we could fix this, to make it better. But if being with me hurts you, then you should go.”

My eyes sting and my heart pinches in my chest; the poor organ crying out for me not to do this.

“It’s not you. Being with you is more than I ever imagined. It’s just everything else. It feels like it’s…too much. I need to go, for both of us.”

His jaw clenches and his hands curl into fists at his side. “You should go, then. But just know you’re not doing it for me. I want to be with you. But more than anything, I just want you to be happy,” he forces out.

“I know,” I sob, salty tears dripping from my nose, my mouth, my chin.

Nicky wipes them away with gentle fingers, looking like each tear hurts him more than they hurt me. He leans into me, resting his forehead on mine. My eyelids flutter closed as he presses his lips against mine. Our lips move together almost desperately, and when he wrenches his mouth from mine, I feel my heart crack right down the middle.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper again wetly against his lips.

“Don’t be,” he whispers back, his voice breaking.

My phone buzzes in my pocket and I know it’s a message from Rob. My time is up.

Standing on wobbly legs, everything inside me screams at me to stay. To talk to him. To figure it out. But I can’t. Somethingbigger inside of me is broken, and if I stay, I’ll only bring him down with me.

Nicky stands, shoulders drooping, watching me gather my bags, his dark brows furrowed. My hands shake as I wheel my suitcase past him.

“Thank you,” I whisper.

He reaches for me, his hand finding mine, large, heavy and warm, holding me in place in front of him. I stand on my toes, my breath whooshing out of me as our lips fuse, kissing each other like we never want to stop.

“Nicky,” I breathe against his lips, my resolve mere seconds away from breaking. “I have to go.”

His throat bobs, blinking rapidly. He nods, not saying a single word.

“You go win this whole thing, okay,” I tell him, with a watery smile. “I’ll be watching.”

He remains statue-still and after soaking him in for another thirty seconds, I turn and make myself leave.

Sobs wrack my body as the lift takes me and my baggage down to the lobby, and I’m grateful to be alone in here with no one to witness this absolute mess.

Me, I’m the absolute mess.

“James.” I stumble to a halt when I see him waiting in the reception area.

He takes me in, snot, red eyes and all and frowns. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

So, Rob told Nicky the plan and Nicky told James. And here we are. “Please. I just have to go.”

He sighs and motions me towards the front entrance, where I can see Rob waiting for me.

“You don’t have to come along,” I tell him as he takes my suitcase from me. “I’ll be fine on my own.”

All on my own. Cue more tears.

“Nicky asked that I make sure you get to the gate safely.”

A loud sob escapes me, startling both Rob and James, and I feel like it serves them right. They’re the ones in cahoots with Nicky, after all.

“Can we go?”

The two exchange a glance and I huddle in the corner, wiping at the tears that just won’t stop falling. James sits in the backseat with me this time, silently passing me tissues while Rob drives us away from the hotel.

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