Page 128 of Away We Go

I point at the TV, where Nicky is spraying champagne all over his team from up on the podium. He looks like he’d rather be anywhere else, doing anything else.

“For that. For him.”

Matt presses pause on the coverage, capturing a close-up of Nicky’s face in the ultrahigh definition we pay extra for. He’s got shadows under his eyes and his cheeks are hollowed, giving him the gaunt appearance of someone who’s not sleeping well. His cheeks are covered with more stubble than normal and his often-absent smile is now non-existent.

He still looks breathtaking.

“You’re putting yourself through all of this for that.” He gets up and stands next to Nicky’s face.

My gaze flickers from my brother’s frowning face to Nicky’s, and I pinch my thigh to stem the next batch of tears. Turns out there is no limit to the amount one can shed over a twenty-four-hour period.

“He won, didn’t he?” I say, defensively.

He shakes his head, scrunching up his nose. “Is that all you think is important?”

“Of course not!” My cheeks heat and I jump to my feet. “But this is Nicky’s dream. To win five World Championships. He’ll be one of only four people in history to have done it. It will cement his place as one of the greatest ever.”

“And he told you this was his dream?”

I cast my mind back over the many hours of conversations we shared and my mind stumbles at how few were about F1. We’d spoken about it in topline ways, in terms of the team and my role, but he’d never come out and said anything about his goals or what he wants, ultimately, to achieve.

“Not in so many words,” I admit, sliding down in my seat. “But he doesn’t need to. He’s a Formula 1 driver, Matt. He’s the best Formula 1 driver—of course winning the title is his dream.”

Matt grabs my hands, stilling my fingers. “Nicky is my best friend and I’ve known him for over half of my life. He is a competitor foremost, but do you believe that’s what defines him?”

I shake free from him and sink back down onto the couch.Is that how I see Nicky? As a driver first?

“No.” He’s so much more. He’s everything and then a driver.

“Don’t get me wrong.” Matt sinks down on the couch next to me, his eyes flicking to the screen and then back to me. “Nicky is one intense dude when it comes to racing. Out on the track, ice runs through his veins in place of blood. He demands onlythe best from himself and the team, and when things started going wrong, it would have really bothered him.”

It did. But not to the extent I thought it would.

“Yes,” I concede. “He’s a pretty stern and grumpy guy to be around during a race weekend.”

Matt’s grin is wide and knowing. “But off the track? He’s so much more. That guy is the best guy I know.”

You’re preaching to the choir there.

“What are you trying to say?” I ask. My head feels heavy and I can’t work through his riddles and metaphors. He needs to just say what’s on his mind.

He’s quiet for a moment, lost in his thoughts as I stare at the beautiful face shown larger than life on my dad’s wide-screen TV, longing coursing right through me.

“Did you ever wonder why I wasn’t worried about you dating my best friend?”

I had but never voiced it, concerned he’d take it back.

“I guess…”

“It never bothered me because I know I could search the world over and never find a better guy for you. That man,” he waves at the screen, “is the best man.”

I blubber, spit and snot flying around like tiny missiles.

“For goodness’ sake.” Matt hands me an unopened box of tissues and inches away from me.

“I know he’s the best man,” I say when I have my voice back under control. “That was never the issue.”

He stands and paces up and down. “I don’t think you know what the issue is or was, Cherry. You claim you left for his sake, so hecan win—”

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