Page 129 of Away We Go

“—I did!”

“And yet, his form had nothing to do with you. I know you look at the last three race wins as proof that you did the right thing.”

My cheeks burn because that is what I’d been thinking.

“But really, sis, you’re not that powerful. The car was the issue. They fixed the car; they started winning again. Nicky knew that. Heck, even Patrick knew that. Or did you think you were distracting him as well?”

My cheeks burn brighter at his subtle dig. It hadn’t escaped my notice that after I left, Nicky’s form improved. But so did his teammate’s. Which had absolutely nothing to do with me.

“Okay, Mr Know-it-all, why do you think I left, breaking my heart in the process?”

His face softens. “I think you got scared.”

More tears spill over. This is the worst.

“You were overwhelmed by it all, and I don’t blame you. Being with Nicky thrust you into the limelight, and that can be an ugly place to be. Even just working with Nicky and being his best friend, I copped my share of public vitriol and hate.”

My stomach tightens as I remember the hateful words written about me and to me. The way I had to change who I was, the way I was, just to be worthy of loving the man they don’t even know.

“It was awful,” I admit in a soft voice.

“That’s what I thought.”

I hum under my breath, very unhappy my big brother—my meathead of a big brother—appears to be more emotionally mature than me.

It’s a bad day to be Cherry.

“Can I ask you something, without you biting my head off?”

No.

“Sure…”

He hesitates. “What happened last year? With Troy? From a distance, it looked like he was a bit…”

“Toxic?” I offer, my tone bitter. “You could say that. It happened so subtly that I didn’t even see it at first. He would make the random comment, a dig here and there, and I’d always write it off as nothing. But after months and months of criticism and negativity…he wore me down. He broke my self-confidence.”

Matt’s jaw clenches, hard as a rock. “I’m going to kill him.”

I wave this away. “He’s not worth it. And that’s all behind me now.”

My brother shakes his head. “But can’t you see? It’s not all behind you. All the doubts that man put in your head, they were just there, dormant, waiting to be amplified by the online trolls. I’m not saying it wasn’t terrible, or that you should have to live with it, I’m just wondering if the scars he left on you are the reason you responded to it the way you did. Why you felt you had to leave Nicky, instead of staying and fighting for your relationship.”

His words settle in my stomach, heavy as a boulder. He’s right. Deep down, I knew my lack of self-confidence, my lack of a sense of self, made the outside noise so much harder to deal with. And perhaps a less damaged person would have navigated this all a bit better.

“You’re right. Every negative word that came at me, I heard it in Troy’s voice. And it wore me down.”

Matt draws me in for a tight hug. “What can I do to help?”

I soak in his strength, his unconditional love and support. “I think I may need to talk to someone?”

He draws back, his eyes searching my face. “Like a counsellor?”

“Yes.” Even just speaking about it with him is helping me see things clearly. Imagine what a trained professional can do. “I think it’s important. If I want to be with Nicky, then I need to fix what’sbroken in here.” I knock on my head while a sly grin grows on his face.

“You want to be with Nicky?”

More than anything in this world. Times a thousand.

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