Page 21 of The Love Penalty

“Maybe one day,” she sighs wistfully.

We finishour appetizers and are waiting for our dessert when I decide to bring up an earlier question. “So, you said you’d tell me in person. What made you choose a career in hockey?”

She rests her chin in her hand and offers me her full attention and a small smile. “My dad,” she says, “he was a huge hockey fan and wanted me to go pro. I had just got into college when he died in a car accident. I thought about not going and just finding something else to do with my life, but I couldn’t. There wasn’tanything I loved more than hockey, and I couldn’t let my dad down.”

“I’m so sorry. I can’t even imagine what it’s like to lose a parent so young,” I say, thinking of my own family.

She shrugs but I can tell this is a heavy topic for her so I continue, “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. If you’re not ready to talk about it.”

“No, it’s not that. I don’t mind telling you, it’s just depressing,” she gives me a self-deprecating laugh as she folds a napkin with her free hand.

I reach over and place my hand over hers, squeezing. “You can tell me anything, I promise I won’t ever judge or make fun of you.”

She swallows hard and squeezes my hand back before letting go, and she tells me everything about her childhood: her mom leaving when she was only ten years old, how hard it was to lose her dad at eighteen, and how she chose to become a ref.

“During my senior year of college, once I realized that I didn’t really have what it takes to make it pro, I had to make some decisions. My major was sports marketing, but I hadn’t gotten an internship the previous summer and the job market wasn’t that great at the time. So as soon as I graduated, I signed up for a summer ref training camp. That’s where I met my mentor Jack. I probably wouldn’t be where I am today without his guidance.”

I nod and say, “It’s important to have connections and people to help guide you. My friend Alex wants me to start a nonprofit for youth hockey with him in Grand Marquee. He and I have volunteered a lot during the offseason with some other groups in the state.”

“That’s incredible. Are you going to do it?” she asks.

I sigh, “I really want to. But to get it started from the ground up would mean I have to retire. If I’m doing it, I’d like to go all in, so I’m considering it.”

She nods, “I can see you doing it. You have the patience and personality for it, and I’m sure you’d be a great mentor and coach.”

Her answer fills me with pride and I smile at her, “What is your long term plan, then? NHL officiating?”

She nods and takes another sip of her drink, “Right now I’m just on a game-by-game contract with the AHL. I’m hoping if I do well I can get a five-year contract, then hopefully get into the NHL. It’s definitely an ambitious plan, but I’m determined. And if it doesn’t work out, I can always turn to coaching.”

I don’t know what makes me ask the next question, but I hear myself say, “Do you think you’ll want a family?”

She tilts her head to the side and ponders it for a moment. “I think so, if I find the right person. I was almost engaged, actually,” she says quietly, looking down at the table.

“Almost?” I ask, dying to know how any guy would get close enough to marrying this girl and fucking it up.

“I was seeing someone in college, his name was Weston. We started dating during my second year there. We were complete opposites to be honest, he was a finance major and came from money. His parents hated me from the start, his mother even accused me of being a gold digger one time.

“But despite his family, I really liked him and we made it work. As graduation was approaching we were discussing the topic of marriage and he mentioned that he had been looking at engagement rings. Of course he mentioned this during one of the dinners we had with his parents, so I was completely blindsided by the conversation.

“He had a job lined up at his dad’s venture capital firm but I was at the point where I was questioning if I wanted to do sports marketing. So I mentioned that I wanted to find referee positions as more than just a part time job, and that was the beginning of the end for us. His parents all but said that, in orderto marry their son, I had to become a stay-at-home wife or find a respectable job, and I was crushed. They still thought of me as an exploiter, that I was with him for money, and that my hockey was ‘just a hobby.’”

She takes a deep breath and wrings her hands on the table. “So, we fought about it for a couple of weeks, and he wanted me to give up hockey. When I said no, he broke up with me. Just like that. No compromise,” she says and blows out a breath.

“Do you regret it? Not marrying him?” I find myself asking.

“Not for a second,” she says.

“You are incredibly smart and amazing at what you do. If he couldn’t see that you are more than someone to parade around at office parties, then he’s an idiot,” I say heatedly. I am so angry for her. This incredible woman who has been through so much and came out the other side stronger than before.

“And Weston is a stupid name, too,” I say to lighten the mood. She laughs at that and nods in agreement.

“What about you? Do you want a family?” she asks, and my answer comes immediately.

“Yes. I grew up with two siblings and lots of cousins. I think I would want a big family, if I find the right person,” I say, mirroring her answer.

“I can see that,” she nods. I think she means to say more, but our dessert arrives and we get distracted by a delicious chocolate cake.

When we get backto the hotel, I give her a hug and hold on for more than I should, knowing I’ll miss her the next few weeks.

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