Page 11 of Bar Down

There’s so much about him that I like and I’vedreamedabout moments like this many times before—lazy mornings together and his body on top of mine. I swallow hard and blink back all the emotion that wants to bubble up to the surface.

God, how I’ve wanted this.

Ever since that first day at training camp when he barreled into my life with his friendly attitude and charming personality, I’ve always had a soft spot for him. I tried to keep my distance at first, the last thing I needed was to develop a crush on yet another teammate, but wherever Robbie and I went, Ashfollowed. Long days traveling on the road and even longer nights talking in my apartment and playing video games made me crave more. More of this, him, us, the simplicity of just being near each other, being openly affectionate. It’s something I’ve never had before in any relationship. And I want it so much I’m willing to take it now when I know I shouldn’t. He was drunk last night, and while he said he liked me and kissed me, that might not mean anything.

What shocked me the most was his breakdown. I’ve never seen him cry before and seeing him so sad and broken made me feel so helpless.

Why doesn’t anyone want me?Is that really what he thinks? That no one wants him?

I just wanted to help him, but I didn’t know how. I wanted to tell him how often I think of him. I wanted to kiss him and show him how much I want him. But there’s clearly something more there for him to unpack, and the last thing I want to be is his self-appointed therapist.

When the scratching at the door doesn’t stop, I slowly get out from under Ash, brushing the dark red hair off his forehead in the process. I open the door and see one of Robbie’s cats, Caramel—the orange one—looking up at me with big green eyes. I bend down and pick him up, snuggling him to my chest, knowing he’s about as affectionate as me and doesn’t like to be snuggled often. When I turn around with the cat in my arms, I see Ash is awake and looking at me. He’s turned around so he’s lying on his back now, one arm draped over his torso and I bring Caramel up to my face to hide my smile.

I approach the bed and slowly place Caramel on top of Ash’s stomach before sitting down next to him. I know his eyes are glued to my face, but for once he’s quiet. The cat immediately loaves up on top of Ash and starts purring, so I give him pets and steal a glance at Ash. He’s still looking at me, dark blueeyes unblinking while he takes shallow breaths. I can sense he’s worried about what I will say.

Eventually, he starts petting the cat too, and our fingers brush every now and again with each stroke. When I find the words I want to say, I stop his fingers with a gentle touch of my hand. Caramel senses he’s no longer needed so he jumps down and leaves, while our hands fall together on Ash’s stomach. I caress his thumb back and forth and say, “Are you hungry?”

“Yeah,” he croaks out, still looking at me skittishly.

I nod and stand up, handing him a pile of clothes from the top of the dresser. “Robbie left these for us last night before he went to bed. Get dressed and we’ll go.”

Ash

After a long staringbattle with myself in the mirror, I come out of the bathroom dressed and ready to go. I have no idea what is going on with Eli or why he’s not mad at me, but he gives me a small smile and says, “Let’s go get breakfast.”

“Where are we going?”

“You’ll see,” he says, blue eyes sparkling. This is…strange.

We quietly make our way out of the guest bedroom in case Robbie and Olivia are sleeping, but as we’re walking by their door we hear the shower running and a muffled thumping against the wall.

I turn to Eli so quickly that it can’t possibly be good for my hangover. We both look at each other with the same wide-eyed expression and when I hear the thumping sound again, Eli has to slap his hand over my mouth to muffle my loud laugh.

“Shh,” he says, face close to mine as his hand still covers my lips. There’s a smile in his eyes and the next thump has him chuckling so that I end up covering his mouth too. We standthere for a second, giggling against each other’s hands. Our gazes lock and I catalog every tiny brown fleck that surround his irises. The contrast is stark against his light blue gaze and I wonder how I’ve never noticed it before. My gaze drops to his mouth covered by my hand, and I can feel his warm breath on my fingers. Slowly, Eli releases me, and with one last look that borders on lingering, he drags me away to the hallway.

We put our jackets on and have a laughing fit as we get in his car, but once Eli starts driving, the lightheartedness seems to dissipate. An awkward silence takes its place and for the first time in a long time, I don’t know what to say. Eli doesn’t turn the radio on and neither do I, and my hangover headache hits me in full force.

The rest of the car ride to downtown is just as quiet and I’m starting to get antsy. Is he buttering me up with food before telling me we can’t be friends anymore?

“Can you at least give me a hint as to what we’re eating?” I ask, stealing a glance at him. His hands are relaxed on the wheel and he has an expression that I can’t quite decipher. He doesn’t look mad, but he’s also not smiling anymore.

“That honey biscuit place you’ve been pestering me about for months,” he says nonchalantly and I immediately perk up. Eli and I got brunch together every Sunday over the summer and I always suggested this place but he always refused because it’s always packed with people and he doesn’t enjoy crowds.

“Seriously?”

“Yes,kultsi,” he says with a small smile. My head snaps over to the driver seat. What did he just call me? I don’t often hear Eli speaking in his native language, so this takes me by surprise. I take longer than needed to respond to him since I’m stuck on the foreign word. Is it a nickname? No one’s ever called me anything other than Ash or Ashton. I don’t hate the idea of him calling me something else—something meant only for me.

“You must really care about me if you’re taking me there. I’ve only been talking about it for months,” I say with a scoff.

Eli’s smile falls and he takes a glance at me before returning his eyes to the road. He grips the wheel a bit tighter and says, “Of course I care about you. Do you really believe otherwise?”

I fall silent for the rest of the drive and Eli doesn’t say anything else either.

When we get to the restaurant, it’s surprisingly not as busy as usual. Must be because it’s New Year’s Day and people are either sleeping off their hangovers or spending time with their families. The waitress is all smiles as she leads us to a booth in the back where it’s nice and quiet. Thank god, because I’m starting to develop a massive headache after all the drinking last night.

“Can I get you anything to drink to get you started?” she asks, and I don’t miss her flirty attitude or the way her eyes roam over me. Any other day, I would flirt right back, maybe even get her number and invite her over to my place. But my head has been so fucked up recently, even the thought of it makes me queasy.

“Water, please,” I say without paying her any more attention.

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