Page 13 of Bar Down

What the hell is coming out of my mouth?

Totallynotcool.

I might fucking die if he doesn’t feel the same.

“Of course I like you, Ash,” he says, and I nearly leap out of my seat and into his lap, “but?—“

No, nobut.

Damn it.

Eli looks around the restaurant for a bit and then back at me. “But I’m not ready to be out. I don’t know if I will be anytime soon.”

I sigh and my shoulders slump. I can understand him not wanting to come out, but it’s not like I’m asking for his hand in marriage. So I try my best to convince him. “Look, I’m not asking for a relationship. Hell, I’m not asking for anything, really. Butmaybe we can have some fun, you know? We can keep it casual. No labels.”

Eli shakes his head and I feel like an ass for even suggesting all we do is hook up. “Why, then? If you feel the same way, why would you deny us both?”

“Because I’ve been through this before, okay?” he says, exasperated.

“You have?” I ask, confused. Eli never talks about his love life. As curious as I am, I don’t know if I want him to tell me now. Not after our kiss last night. I don’t think I could bear thinking about him with someone else.

Eli rubs a hand across his face before moving to his jaw. His eyes meet mine again, and this time I can see how sad he is about all of this. “When I was playing back home in Finland, I was seeing someone. A teammate. We were together for a while and we kept it a secret, but when I mentioned I wanted to come out, he freaked out. He said it wasn’t a good idea, that it would ruin my career. After all that, even though I changed my mind and listened to his advice, he still dumped me.”

I reach my hand out and hold his, trying to offer some comfort. I want to say:This will be different. We’ll be different.

But I don’t get the chance as he says, “I just don’t think it would be a good idea to go there. I promised myself I wouldn’t make the same mistakes as before. And also, you’re one of my best friends.” Eli squeezes my hand in his before pulling back. “I don’t want to lose your friendship. You mean too much to me.”

Well, shit.

I’ve just been friend-zoned.

FIVE

Present Day

Eli

I slept like a rock.As soon as my head hit the pillow, I immediately fell asleep. Thankfully, my watch alarm woke me up. Making a bad impression by being late is the last thing I want to kick off training camp.

For us AHL players, this is our chance to show the higher ups in the league that we can hold our own—that we have what it takes to be in the NHL—so that when the team gets plagued by injuries in the middle of the season, we are the ones called up.

Last season, I was called up once when one of the two NHL goalies had a personal problem come up. Unfortunately, I wasn’t the starting goalie that night, and I spent the entire time geared up on the bench. But it was nice to practice with the “big guys” at least.

The other goaltender, Juuse, was also from Finland and it was nice to have someone to speak with in my native language. He was also very helpful during practice and gave me lotsof pointers. Though he’s only a few years older than me, I appreciated him taking me under his wing, even if it was short lived. We haven’t really kept in touch since, but he texted me yesterday, asking if I wanted to grab a coffee one of these days since we’re both in town for the camp.

I haven’t responded yet, but I think I would like that. Outside of our main group of friends, I’m usually shy and reserved. It’s not that I don’t like people, I just find it hard to connect to anyone outside of hockey.

They always say goalies are a differentbreed, that we must be a little crazy to willingly put ourselves in front of a puck moving more than 80 mph. To that I say,bring on the craziness.There’s nothing more exhilarating than being in front of the net and making that perfect save, especially if it’s the game winning one.

I check my phone and see it still has 6% battery. I send Juuse a text, telling him we can grab coffee tomorrow, and while I’m bleary eyed and tired as hell, I decide to make my way to the shower and let the cold water wake me.

I rub the sleep away from my eyes with my knuckles and don’t realize something is wrong until I reach the bathroom door, which is ajar. There is steam coming out of the bathroom and all I can do is stand there, puzzled.

Is someone else here?

Before I can turn around and head back to the bedroom to find yesterday’s clothes, the bathroom door swings open the rest of the way and a very wet, very naked Ash is standing in front of me.

Fuck. Me.

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