Page 19 of Bar Down

The car ride is loud as Max, Dylan, and Ash relive the excitement of the first day of all-star, but I keep to myself again. I’m thinking of ways I can get out of this hangout.

Can I fake a migraine so I can leave early?

Maybe I can get one drink and leave?

Maybe they’ll be so busy they won’t even notice.

Not even ten minutes later, we’re inside a fancy club, loud music blasting from the speakers, dim lights making it look dark and sultry. A reservation must have been made because we are led up the stairs to a more private part of the club.

We take up a booth with low seats that’s right across from the dance floor. When the waitress comes around, I point at a drink on the menu, not even caring what it is. Everything is so loud and I feel a headache coming already. Maybe I won’t need to fake anything to get out of this.

I sit quietly and listen to the guys’ conversations as much as I can over the noise while I sip on what turns out to be a mai tai. Max is sitting close to Ash in a way that makes me think they might have hooked up at some point in the past. And that maybe Max is trying to make a move again.

My thoughts are interrupted when a couple of girls come over to our booth. “Do you mind if we join you guys?” one of them yells out over the loud music. Dylan nods enthusiastically and she all but plops down in his lap. The other girl moves between them, focusing all her attention on Max and Ash.

I continue to sit there, by myself, on one side of the booth and watch their interactions. Ash shoots me glances every now and then like he has something to say but doesn’t quite know how to. Soon enough the two girls drag Max and Dylan out to the dance floor and Ash and I are left alone together.

I order a second drink even though my head is pounding. What am I doing here?

Did I only come here because I was jealous of Max? I don’t have a right to be jealous, Ash can do whatever he wants. I was the one that told him we should just be friends and nothing more.

“Are you okay?” he asks, sliding closer to me on the cushion.

“Fine, just have a headache,” I mumble.

Before Ash can say anything else, Max runs over and says, “Let’s dance, ginger boy.” Really, Max?Ginger boy? Now I do roll my eyes at him. Ash shakes his head no, but Max is insistent, reaching over and grabbing him by the arms. I swing my legs to the side and give Ash the space to exit the booth, which he does.

There’s a sour feeling in my stomach as I watch them make their way to the dance floor. Dylan is dancing with both the girls that came over to our table, and Max and Ash are dancing together. The more I watch them, the more my jealousy flares. And after a few minutes, when Max pulls Ash closer and his hands move down his back, lower, and lower, I can’t take it anymore. I slam the empty glass on the table, leave some cash next to it and stand up.

I should just walk away and not look back, but I only make it a few feet, my head pounding, when curiosity takes the best of me. My head swivels around to look at Ash and I expect to see them dancing close together, but Max is all over him, kissing his neck.

When Ash opens his eyes, he looks right at me. For a moment, he looks confused, like he didn’t expect me to watchhim dance with another guy. His eyes widen the slightest when he takes me in, ready to leave. I’m not sure what my face portrays, and frankly, I don’t care.

So I walk away.

I order a car to take me back to the hotel as I make my way out of the club, all the while trying to ignore the sinking feeling in my gut that I may have lost any chance I might have had with Ash.

You did this to yourself, Eli.I had my shot and I blew it. Ash told me he liked me, he told me he wanted me. And I wanted him too, more than anything. But I got so lost in the thought of what others would think of me, of us, that I didn’t take the chance. And now he’s in there, finding someone else to spend his time with, and I remind myself that I don’t have the right to be jealous.

I pace on the sidewalk and pinch the bridge of my nose, willing this headache to go away. My ride share arrives quickly and I get in the backseat of the Mini Cooper, but before I can shut the door, a hand comes down on the inside handle and stops me.

“Wait.”

NINE

Seven Months Ago

Ash

“Wait.”

I don’t know what the hell I was thinking, running after Eli like this. Has my last brain cell completely abandoned me? I didn’t even have that much to drink tonight.

“Mind if I get a ride with you?” I hear myself ask in a daze.

“Hey kid, this ain’t a taxi. Beat it,” the ride-share driver yells at me, but I don’t budge. My eyes stay fixed on Eli and his frozen state, like he can’t believe I chased after him either. But how could I not? Especially after seeing that wounded look on his face when he saw Max kissing me.

Fucking Max.Why did I let him get so handsy with me?

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