Page 33 of Bar Down

When I don’t take it, he fidgets with it, turning it every which way. After a moment of silence he says, “Can you look after it for the summer? You don’t have to clean it or anything, I already didthat, and I’m almost done packing. I just need someone to water the plants and take the mail in.”

Wait. What?

My mind snags on one word, drowning out the rest. Packing?

I frown and say, “Where are you going?”

“Home. For the summer.”

“This is home,” I say moronically.

“I mean back home. To Finland. I need to spend some time with my family, I haven’t seen them in two and a half years,” he says, carefully watching me for a reaction. My chest constricts becauseof coursehe wants to see his loving family who misses the hell out of him. I thought the best part of this summer would be that I got to spend it with him, but clearly I was mistaken.

“Right,” I say, swallowing the lump in my throat. I reach out and take the key from his hand, but before I can pull it back, he grabs my fingers and intertwines our hands over the key.

“I’m sorry. For leaving on such short notice. I didn’t think I wanted to go until I called them earlier and?—”

“You don’t owe me an explanation, Eli. It’s fine,” I say, looking over his shoulder at his apartment door. The place I think of as home becausehe’sthere.

“Just listen,” he says, squeezing my hand and running his thumb over the back of it. “I really like you, Ash. I want us to be okay, because you mean so much to me. And me leaving has nothing to do with you. I very much want to spend the summer with you, but I’m homesick. I need this trip.”

My eyes finally search his face and I can see the truth there. He does care, even though he probably shouldn’t.

“I understand,” I say, my voice wavering. “I’ll just miss you, that’s all, and it’s gonna be really lonely around here without you.”

He swallows and leans in, kissing me softly. It feels like a goodbye kiss and I want to cry, I want to punch a wall.

What if he forgets about me?

What if he moves on while he’s away?

What if he doesn't want me when he comes back?

“Wish I could come with you,” I say before realizing. The last thing I want is to be clingy and annoying. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”

Eli tilts my chin up so he can look me in the eye and says, “What if—” He stops and looks away in thought. “What if you do come with me?”

My eyebrows shoot up. “Really?” I ask, unable to keep the hope and longing out of my voice.

Eli nods, convincing himself. “Yeah, yeah—it would be good. My parents always ask me about my friends, they’d love to meet you. You can stay with us, we have a spare bedroom?—”

I smile and cut him off with another kiss, my free hand tangling in his hair, which has been getting longer. “If you’re sure, I’ll come with you,pretty boy.”

“I’m sure,” he breathes against my mouth before diving in for another kiss, this one more intense and pressing. “There’s just one thing.”

He puts some distance between us and leads me to the couch. Eli holds my hand in his lap as he says, “I don’t want you to think I’m trying to end things between us, because I’m not. But, we need to be careful around my family. They can’t know about me yet, and I’m not ready to drop that bomb on them, honestly.”

“I know, I won’t say anything to them, I promise.”

Eli watches me for a moment, contemplating. Then he nods, “Okay,hani.Let’s get you a plane ticket.”

SIXTEEN

Three Months Ago

Eli

Two days later,Ash and I are about to board a plane to Helsinki. After leaving our apartment keys with our friends, Alice, Robbie, and Olivia drive us to the airport. If they think it’s weird that Ash is coming with me, they don’t comment on it.

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