Page 38 of Bar Down

I’m confused, and scared, because I really like you.

“Whatever this is between us, it’s not just sex anymore. I’m not sure how to tell my family, but I dowantto tell them.”

Ash doesn’t say anything but continues to rub his hands up and down my back. Eventually he pushes me back to look at me and I can see his blue eyes are shining. “This isn’t just sex for me anymore either.” His face is soft and full of emotion and I don’t think I can handle him saying the words. “Eli, I?—“

My lips crush his in a kiss that I hope conveys everything.

Yes, yes, yes.

You love me, and I love you.But this thing between us is too complicated, and we just got here, and I don’t want to fuck it up.So please don’t say it yet.

Ash opens up to me, his hands gripping my hair at the nape of my neck, my hands fisting the collar of his white T-shirt until I think I might have stretched it out permanently.

God, I want him. So much.

When we come up for air, we’re both smiling, and a little shiver goes through Ash. “Cold?” I ask.

“Just a little. No, Eli, you don’t have to—” I grip the back of my sweatshirt and take it off in one swift movement. Ash swallows and it gives away that, yes, he was turned on by that little move. I pull the sweatshirt over his head and bring my face closer as I tug it into place.

“I like seeing you in my clothes,” I murmur, kissing the corner of his mouth.

Ash kisses me back, letting out a small moan. “Fuck,” he says, “it’s gonna be really hard keeping my hands off you for the summer.”

“I never said you should keep your hands off me. Just that we need some ground rules. Nothing around my parents or brother, but maybe when we go visit the city or if we take a train somewhere, we can spend the night away. Just us?”

“That sounds perfect.”

We stay on that bench for another hour, talking about summer plans and making out until we’re breathless. We walk back to the house hand in hand, holding on until we’re ready for bed. Even then, my hand finds his under the covers and I don’t let go until the morning.

EIGHTEEN

Present Day

Ash

Even in his anger,Eli is quiet. The door to his bedroom closes with a soft thud and I’m left staring at the kitchen counter. I try to put the conversation out of my mind and instead focus on mixing together a quick marinade for the chicken.

I get my headphones and listen to a playlist I found that helps me focus. The glass mixing bowls are in a bottom cabinet next to the stove and I pull them out, measuring the ingredients—lemon juice, olive oil, Italian seasoning, paprika, salt, and pepper—before mixing them together. I carefully butterfly the chicken and throw it in the marinade too. I move my head around in time with the lo-fi beats as I prepare a side salad and slice up a few strawberries.

I text Robbie and Olivia a few pictures and thank them for the recipe. The response is immediate as Olivia’s face lights up my screen with a video call. I swipe to answer and take the call outside so I don’t bother Eli.

“Hey,” I say with a smile.

“Hey Ash, how was the first day of camp?” Olivia asks with a big smile on her face.

“Well,mom,camp was fine, although I did shove a kid into a locker. Does that make me a bully?” I joke.

Olivia’s smile fades and she gets a concerned look on her face. “Ash, what happened? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Some asshole was talking shit about me not going out to drink anymore and wouldn’t let it go. I had to make some empty threats to let him drop it.”

“Please be careful, Ash,” she says.

“I know,” I sigh. “I won’t do anything stupid, you and Robbie need to stop worrying.”

“We’re not worried about you doing something stupid, man, we just want what’s best for you,” Robbie says, popping into the frame and pulling Olivia into his chest.

“I know, I love you guys.”

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