Page 44 of Bar Down

“How about Ash and I run some drills? Just us two.”

My dad looks over at Ash before turning back to me and nodding in understanding.

“Okay. You can leave the equipment in the locker, like you always do. Do you want to take a rideshare back home?”

“No, we can walk, grab a pizza on the way back. We’ll need the fresh air.”

“Okay then, we’ll see you at home.”

“Thanks, Dad.”

I catch Ash as he tries to head to the bench. “How about you take some shots on me?” He turns around, looking confused and angry.

“I don’t need your pity party, Eli, let’s just go,” he says, eyebrows low and his mouth twisted in annoyance.

I skate up and block the tunnel entry. With all my goalie equipment on, Ash definitely can’t get around me. “You think I pity you?” I ask, gaze narrowed.

“Yeah, I do. And it’s fucking condescending as hell. I may be struggling but I don’t need you to baby me,” he says hotly.

I let out a low laugh. “No,ilo,I don’t pity you. I do think you’re being an idiot right now though. You want some tough love? Here it is: whatever is on your mind is affecting your game and you’re playing like a kid in little league. Your shots are sloppy and you’re not focused enough. So either drop your issues at the door of the arena or get your shit together. Don’t waste these people’s time.” I say this louder than and angrier than I mean to, but this conversation is necessary.

Ash’s chest is rising and falling, and I know he’s angry and wants to lash out, but he doesn’t say anything. He clenches his jaw and tries to get past me again but I push him lightly. His breaths are quick and I can tell I’ve riled him up, butenough is enough.

Ash pushes me back and when I retaliate, it’s enough to knock him on his ass. I step onto the ice as well and put my helmet back on, grabbing his from the half wall and tossing it down to him.

“Put it on,” I say darkly, “I don’t want you to hurt your pretty little face.”

Ash does as he’s told, but as soon as he stands up, he checks me into the boards with a roar. We throw punches and push each other around until I take him down, making sure not to hurt him as I land on top. “Why won’t you talk to me?” I ask, each word punctuated with my heavy breathing as I keep him pinned to the ice.

Ash flails around for another minute before he deflates with a sigh and all the fight goes out of him. We’re both catching our breath and I give him the space to sit up.

After what feels like an eternity, he says, “My dad thinks I’m a disappointment.”

His voice comes out so quiet I almost don’t hear him. After a long moment of silence, he elaborates, “He wasn’t even at the playoff final but he saw enough of it online. Told me I got lucky with my goal, and it shouldn’t even have been a close game. He thinks I’m wasting my time here and that I should be taking my training more seriously, back home. Said I was a waste of space.”

He takes his helmet back off and pulls up a knee, resting an arm on it and sighing deeply. I take my mask off too, stunned. His dad said that? What the actual fuck?

“You do know that’s all bullshit, right?” I yell out, louder than I intended, and Ash flinches, closing his eyes tight.

Gentler, I say, “Please tell me you don’t actually believe any of the crap,hani.”

“I don’t know what to believe anymore.” His small voice comes out so sad it’s breaking my heart. I shuffle closer to him and press our foreheads together, holding on to his shoulder pads.

“Listen to me. You areincredible, no matter what your idiot father tells you. Not only did you struggle with a lot of things this past season, but you managed to bring our team into the playoffs, something that hasn’t happened in five years.

“It wasyourovertime goals andyourshootouts that clinched us the playoffs. So I don’t give a shit that your dad is Nelson fucking Meyers; when it comes to you, he doesn’t know what you’re capable of.I do. The team does. We all believe in you.”

Ash sniffs and I drop my glove to wipe away the tear that falls on his cheek. “Is there anything else that’s bothering you?”

He shrugs and says, “I just feel like shit. Like I’m not good enough. Seeing your amazing relationship with your dad and your brother is just emphasizing the fact that I’ll never have that.”

“You do realize my family loves you, right?”

Another shrug and he looks away. “For now. But they don’t fully know me. Sometimes I wonder why you even put up with my shit.”

“Stop!” Ash looks back at me, startled. “Stop painting yourself in a lesser light.”

We sit there for another minute before Ash says in a tentative tone, “Were you serious about me shooting some pucks on you?”

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