Page 5 of Bar Down

When we didn’t have all this baggage.

When Eli was still talking to me.

When I didn’t fuck everything up.

As I open the contact information for my therapist, my phone starts buzzing. I let it ring a few times, compose myself and then answer. “Hey,grandpa, aren’t you and Olivia supposed to be on vacation?”

Robbie sighs so loudly, I can almost feel his exasperation through my phone. That makes me smile. “Are you ever going to stop calling me by that stupid nickname?”

I laugh as I pick up my bag from the patio, unlock the back door, and head inside the spacious cabin. “Never, man. You retired, how can I let that go?”

“You’re such a shit,” he says, but I can hear a hint of a smile in his voice.

“You love me,” I tease.

“Yeah, yeah. Did you get in okay?” Robbie asks.

I swallow and drop my bag in the living room of the cabin. The place is cozy as fuck. The living room is large, with two brown leather couches and a chair that faces the fireplace. The mantel has tons of pictures of the Elliots and their kids, and above it, on the wall, is a 70” TV. The kitchen is not quite as large, but it looks spacious. There’s even a small kitchen island with a butcher block countertop and pots and pans danglingabove it from the wood beam ceiling. The place screamsrusticand I’m definitely into it.

“Yeah, just got here. Planning to get some rest and be at training camp in the morning,” I say, and grab a bottle of water from the stocked fridge. “Who stocks this place, by the way?”

“My parents pay someone to take care of the place, especially when they rent it out or have guests.”

“Nice. Tell them thank you, by the way. For letting me crash here.”

“Of course, anytime man. Are you feeling better? I know I haven’t been around as much with the non-profit taking off and the trip Olive and I planned.”

I don’t answer right away, but Robbie doesn’t press me for an answer. Robbie has been by my side through everything in the last few years. He knows I struggle not just with my depression, but also with my sobriety. I feel bad for making him worry, but when I tell him I’ve been doing really well lately, I’m not lying. “I’m better. I promise. It’s not easy, but I’m not going to let myself down again.”

“Good. I’m proud of you, I hope you know that. It took courage for you to ask for help.”

I take a deep breath and nod, even though he can’t see me. “Yeah, thanks man.”

“Alright, I gotta go, but keep me posted on what’s happening at training camp. Did you talk tohimyet?”

“Nope,” I say, quickly.

“Okay, well—I hope you know it’s inevitable. You’ll definitely bump into each other since you’re?—”

“Yeah, no. I got it. It’s all good. Thanks for checking on me Robbie, I’ll text you updates, okay? I promise.”

He sighs, but says, “Okay, have a good time.”

“You too. Say hi to Olivia for me.”

As soon as he hangs up, my shoulders relax. I look around the spacious living room and pick up my bag again.

The cabin is quite large and can accommodate at least six to eight people. In the winter, we like to take a weeklong vacation during the all-star break and come up here. The cabin is only twenty minutes away from the slopes where we like to unwind and snowboard every year. There are two medium-sized bedrooms, a loft, and one of the main couches is a pullout, so this place is perfect for our big group of friends.

I walk down the narrow hallway that has even more pictures of young Robbie and his siblings, Alice, and Michael. All of them look happy and are smiling while out on the slopes or the water. They really are a wholesome family, unlike mine ever was. Growing up in one of the rich neighborhoods of Boston as an only child was kind of terrible, if I’m being honest. My parents were never the type to dote on me or show much affection. It was all about tough love in the Meyers household.

I shake away the image of my childhood and I continue down the hallway. I choose the bedroom closest to the bathroom and begin unpacking for the week—mostly shorts and T-shirts, but also some nicer clothes for going out in case I don’t feel like cooking while I’m here.

When I’m done, I walk around the empty cabin and I’m hit by a pang of loneliness. This is all wrong. My friends should be here with me. Robbie, Jordan, Eli, Olivia, hell, even Alice. All of us haven’t been in the same room together since April when we had a going away party for Jordan. Actually, now that I think about it, Alice wasn’t even there that day. So the last time we were all in a room together was probably the day Olivia got out of the hospital after she was injured on the ice.

That was such a messed up game. One of the players on our rival team, Mitchell, ended up checking Olivia so hard that she hit her head and broke a couple of ribs. That was also the oneand only time I saw Robbie completely lose his shit. He wasn’t one for violent fights before, but when he saw Olivia unconscious on the ice, he gave Mitchell the beating of his life. Mitchell was fired after being found to hit Olivia with intent to injure, and Robbie retired from the team a month before the season ended, which is a shame because that was the season we made it to the Calder Cup. He doesn’t regret his decision though, as he’s able to spend more time with Olivia now. And he started a non-profit hockey organization for kids called Blue Line Brigade that’s starting to take off.

My phone buzzes and I see a text from Olivia. It’s a picture of Robbie asleep on the couch with both cats on top of him—Beans on his lap and Caramel on his chest. I send back a heart and realize it’s late and that I should probably go to sleep. Training camp starts in the morning and I need to give it my best this season.

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