Page 71 of Bar Down

“Don’t worry about it,” I say, spitting out blood on the ice and moving my jaw side to side. It fucking hurts and I’m sure I’ll have a black eye tomorrow.

“I do worry about it, what happened to staying out of trouble?” she whispers.

I know she’s trying to be my friend right now, but I’m too angry as I rip my arm out of her grip and roughly say, “Just drop it, okay? You know nothing about what I’m going through right now, so stop pretending like you give a shit.” I expect herto chew me out or tell me I’m being an idiot, but she doesn’t say anything.

When I look back at her, I don’t miss the hurt look on her face. I want to take it all back, to thank her for always being there for me, but this is not the time or the place. She straightens up and skates away from me without a second glance and I continue walking down the tunnel, feeling shittier than I had at the beginning of the game.

I don’t stay to have dinner with the team and instead head across the street to The Arcadian to get some takeout. I put in my order at the bar and take a seat, waiting. My phone buzzes for the third time since I got out of the locker room and I look down at it.

Eli’s face lights up my screen and I curl my fingers tighter around the phone.I miss him.But I’m in a self-destructive mood right now and the last thing I want is to say something stupid and push him away. So I let his calls go to voicemail instead.

The bartender comes up to me and gives me a wide smile. “Haven’t seen you around here in a hot minute. How have you been?”

I scour my brain for their name and land on Gen. I hooked up with them at some point last year after a particularly rough game. “Doing fantastic, Gen, how are you?” I ask, failing to mask my sour mood.

“Oh you know, a little bit of everything. Do you want a drink? I can make you your favorite cocktail if you want,” they say, trailing off and looking behind me.

“No, I don’t drink anymore,” I say quickly, not allowing myself to think about how good a drink would be right about now.

“Robbie, can I get you anything?” Gen asks, still looking behind me. I groan and drop my forehead on the bar. The last thing I want is a lecture fromgrandpa.

“Two waters, please,” he says and takes up the seat next to me.

I don’t say anything and neither does he. After Gen drops the waters off, I finally pick my head up and look at him. He’s not facing me, but his jaw is tight and he looks me up and down from the corner of his eye. He’s disappointed in me. The realization brings a tightness in my chest. Of course he is, I played like shit and was an asshole to his girlfriend.

I don’t expect the question he asks me though and I startle. “Why are you avoiding Eli?”

“What? How do you know I’m avoiding him?”

“Because he called me and said you’ve been avoiding him today.”

I grit my teeth and say, “So what, you’re here to check up on me? Make sure I don’t go on a bender and cheat on him? Fuck you, Robbie.” I stand up and consider leaving without my food, anything to get away from this conversation.

Robbie stands too and his arms stop me. I expect him to grab me, shove me, hit me. Something, anything, but instead, he hugs me. Hard.

“I’m not here to babysit you, Ash. You are allowed to make your own choices, even if they’re ones I don’t agree with. I don’t know what happened today, and I don’t know why you’re so angry at everyone, but I just wanted to tell you that I am here for you. Whether you like it or not.” He squeezes me and my arms come up and hug him back. “Your friends are not abandoning you.”

“I don’t deserve you. Any of you,” I say quietly and Robbie pulls back to look at me. He’s scowling. It’s a ridiculous look on him since he’s usually all sunshine and happiness, and I laugh at him.

“Whether you deserve us or not is irrelevant. We’re family, and family sticks together, no matter what.”

I nod and swallow the lump in my throat. He’s right, of course, and I want to tell him everything that’s on my mind, but I don’t. Not yet. I need to figure out how I’m feeling about it all first. Especially how I feel about Eli not coming back now that Nadison is hurt again.

“Can you at least call your boyfriend? I don’t want to be in the middle of everyone’s squabbles.”

“Yeah, I can do that,” I say, laughing. “What about Olivia?”

Robbie’s eyebrows go up. “What about her?”

“You’re not gonna yell at me for being rude to her?”

He takes a deep breath but says, “I’m trying not to intervene. You’ll apologize when you’re ready.”

I nod. “Of course I will.” I just expected him to be more mad at me.

My food comes and I say goodbye to Robbie, walking the five minutes to my apartment building. I watch some comedy special while I eat and before I can pass out for the night, I send Eli a text.

I’m sorry I’ve been off the last few days, I just have a lot on my mind. I promise I’m not avoiding you. I miss you.

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