Page 76 of Bar Down

“I know, I’m sorry. That was really shitty. If it’s worth anything, our defense kinda sucks without you, man.”

Jordan snorts and says, “Yeah that’ll make me sleep better at night.”

For a moment, we both look over at the table and before I can think better of it, I say, “Do you wanna join us?”

Jordan looks on the verge of running for the hills, but he looks over at Tangela and she nods, grabbing her purse. “I’ll see you tomorrow for brunch baby brother.” She gives him a hug and heads out, and that leaves Jordan with me.

“Well, come on.”

He blows out a breath and follows me along to the table. For a moment, we’re all silent, just looking at one another. Eli stands up and offers Jordan a hand, which he takes and turns into a hug. Robbie is next, then Olivia. When he gets to Alice, she gives him a half wave and a meekhelloand avoids his eyes.

Jordan looks like he wants to say more, but Alice pulls out her phone and ignores him along with everyone else, browsing social media instead.

We pull up an empty chair for Jordan and in a short amount of time, it’s like we’re the same group of people that we were last year. Like nothing changed. Except in truth, everything has. When Eli puts his arm around my shoulder and I put my hand on his thigh, Jordan stares at us for a beat before piecing it together. When he does, he smiles and says, “You two finally figured it out, huh?”

“What do you mean ‘finally’?” I say, indignant.

“Please, you two were always crushing on each other, it was really obvious.”

“Says the most oblivious guy ever,” Alice mutters, but it’s loud enough that the whole table hears. She looks up from herphone and makes eye contact with Jordan. He frowns and she looks away quickly. Olivia gives her a subtle squeeze on her arm and the two of them have a whole conversation with just a look.

“I don’t know about you all, but I’m really tired. We’re probably gonna head out,” Olivia says, giving Robbie a look.

“Right, we should. Jordan, how long are you in town for?”

“I head back on Sunday.”

“How about you come over for dinner tomorrow? Ash, you’re invited too.”

“Gee, thanks for the afterthought,grandpa.” Robbie rolls his eyes affectionately at me.

Jordan looks between Robbie, Olivia, and Alice and swallows. “Sure, that would be nice.”

“Great, we’ll see you then,” Olivia says with a small smile. “Alice, we’ll drive you to your apartment, so you don’t have to walk in the dark.”

“Okay, thanks. Good night everyone,” Alice pipes up and follows them out.

Once the three of them leave, Jordan, Eli, and I stay for another hour, catching up and trying to get Jordan to tell us more about why he’s stayed away for so long. He avoids the topic but tells us he missed Grand Marquee and all of his friends.

By the timeEli and I return to my apartment, we’re both beat, but neither of us makes a move to go to bed. Eli comes up behind me and pulls me into his chest. “What’s on your mind,kultsi?”

I smile and turn in his arms, kissing him and nipping at his jaw. “Tell me what that word means. Please.”

Eli watches me as I rake my fingers through his short hair, closing his eyes and melting into me. I press my forehead to his and wait for his answer.

After a long moment of humming content, he says, “It means gold. Orgolden.”

“Is it because I remind you of a golden retriever?” I joke and he laughs. It’s a tired version of his bright laugh, the one I swear he sometimes has reserved just for me.

“No, it’s because you’re so special to me, Ash. You’re incredible,” he says and swallows, rubbing his nose against my own. When his lips briefly brush mine he tells me, “You’re amazing and I—I love you.”

I pull back slightly, making sure I heard him right. I know he’s been struggling with those words the past few months, but I also knew deep down that I didn’t need to hear them. I can feel how much he loves me through every text, every phone call, every gesture he makes. I’ve known how he’s felt about me this whole time, but hearing him say it after almost a year of this push and pull between us, well—it fills me up with emotion.

My fingers trace all over his face, from his jaw to his cheeks, to his temple, and finding purchase in his hair. I bring him back in for a kiss and pour everything I can into it. All my love and worry and heartbreak. I want him to stay longer, but I know he can’t. That in the morning he’ll leave again for another two months, and that I’ll have to find a way to be okay with that, because every single little doubt I had about us has been blown to pieces.

Because he loves me.

Eli loves me.

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