Page 56 of Delay of Game

Tears spring to my eyes and I hate myself for being so weak around him. I’ve thought about this moment so many times. I promised myself that I would be on top of the world when I saw him next. That I would keep my head held high and make him feel as small as he made me feel when he ditched me in January with no explanation.

But I can’t. Because even after everything, I still care about him. I still want what’s best for him. But that doesn’t mean he can just waltz back into my life and expect things to go back to normal.Again.I might be able toforgivethe past, but I can’tforget.

I inhale deeply and take a determined step out of the elevator.

“Alice.” His deep velvety voice almost stops me in my tracks.God, how I’ve missed that voice.

It takes all my confidence and willpower to say, “Excuse me,” as I sidestep him and walk over to my apartment, not sparing a look behind me.

CHAPTER 20

August

Alice

I shutthe door to my apartment and rest my forehead against it, closing my eyes. How many times did I imagine him coming back?Too many to count. And now that he’s here, I feel like I’m that awkward version of myself—running into him on the lakeshore. How many times has he come back into my life only to disappear?

I don’t think I can take it again.

I’ve spent the majority of my life pining after him, only to briefly get a glimpse of what it would be like to be a couple. But in the end, I was left with a broken heart. At first I thought my feelings were unrequited so I pined silently, wishing that he saw me as more than Robbie’s little sister. It was one thing to love him from a distance and suffer when I saw him date someone else. It was a completely different kind of pain to have Jordan and know what hetasteslike, what hefeelslike, only for him to end it between us like it meant nothing.

I wipe the tears off my face and harden my resolve for what’s to come. Now that he’s back, he’ll be in my life. We’re practically family, after all. But that doesn’t mean I want to see him every day, and he’ll quickly learn that.

My phone buzzes and I take it out of my back pocket. The message from Ash makes me smile the tiniest bit.

Ash

don’t think I forgot about your book i’ll stop by later tonight to take a peek …

Alice

Aw, you’re my biggest fan, Ash.

Ash

don’t you mean your only fan?

Alice

Wow, rude.

Ash

just kidding, love you blondie

I can always count on Ash to put a smile on my face. Once I change into my casual outfit of sweatpants and matching purple sweatshirt, I put the flowers I picked up at the farmers market in a vase with some water and grab my laptop.

What better way to let out my feelings than writing about them? After all, my romance novel inspiration came from my failed relationship with Jordan, so there’s a bright side to all this pain.

I never thought that my writing would be good enough to publish, but after taking a few creative writing classes, joining a group of local writers, and getting lots of feedback on my short stories, I decided to take a stab at it and write a full novel. I dedicated most of my summer to writing it, and now that theschool year has started, I’m back to teaching middle schoolers and figuring out how to publish my book in my spare time.

As a reader, I tend to pick up romances more than other genres, so when the time came for me to sit down and write an outline, I knew exactly what the story would be about. A second chance romance featuring Elissa, a small-town flower shop owner who is hopelessly in love with her brother’s best friend, Jackson. The two of them dated in high school, but through a twist of fate, Jackson had to leave town and take care of his elderly father in Colorado. This left Elissa heartbroken, but they got the chance to reunite when Jackson’s dad died and he moved back to town.

Unlike real life, my characters do get their happy ending. They say to write about what you know, after all. One night, I felt bold and posted the premise of my novel and an aesthetic board to my social media, where I have tens of thousands of followers. After that, people were practically begging for the whole story.Mystory.

So here I am, a year later, with a final manuscript in hand and anxiety about publishing it. Even if no one reads it, this story means so much to me, and it helped me process all of my feelings for Jordan. In a way, it’s really helped me begin to heal.

There’ll always be a Jordan-shaped hole in my heart.

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