Page 7 of My Boss

“You don’t have a shred of feeling,” I hiss angrily, seeing him move away. “And please do something about this air conditioner because it’s clearly broken. It’s going to make me shrivel up or I’ll get pneumonia!” I call out after him.

But the bastard won’t even stop, won’t even turn to look in my direction. He only replies in a dispassionate voice:

“Go back to work, Maria.”

Grrrr…

This much is already certain: the devil himself gave Jan Engler the genes to make him look like a seducer, while under the skin lurks a slimy, nasty, unfeeling reptile. A grass snake. A boa constrictor. A rattlesnake. Shoo!

I turn on my heel. My gaze involuntarily drifts over the employees of the department. Some smirk, others look at me with pity, some with sympathy…

And what the fuck are you guys staring at? I, at least, had the courage to confront my boss face to face, meanwhile each of you shakes your ass in front of him, even when applying for leave.

I throw my purse on the desk, pull out my cell phone, then, in a fury, I go to the bathroom, putting together a contingency plan. I’ll cheat the system!

I lock myself in the stall and dial Toska’s number.

“Hi, sunshine!” My friend’s cheerful greeting, which should put me in a positive mood, only agitates me further. After all, she makes me realize that other people have cool enough jobs to keep them in a good mood during the day.

“The fucking bossobot doesn’t want to let me leave the office. I need your help.”

“Bossobot?”

“A boss and a robot in one. A man-machine without a heart!”

“What happened?”

“I found a beautiful armchair that can be restored. For free, to be picked up right now. And this… This…” I’m so emotional that my voice gets stuck in my throat. “This egotist, this bloated buffoon, riff-raff narcissist won’t let me leave the office. I beg you, Tosia, tell me that you can manage to drive up to Pilsudskiego now and pick up this chair.”

“No problem. I’ve just finished work, and I’m leaving school. What is the exact address?”

OMG, how wonderful!

I give my friend the street and apartment number. I am on cloud nine… I feel like squealing and jumping for joy. And suddenly, I remember that the apartment is on the fourth floor. My optimism goes out like a blown-out match. Damn, after all, Toska is pregnant! I should finally start living in reality, but somehow, I’m not up to it. Despite the years gone by, I still see Tosia as a crazy teenager with red hair and a nose piercing. Meanwhile, Antonia Tkaczyk has been a psychologist in one of the better high schools in the city for four years, has a husband who is a developer, lives in a beautiful house near the city and is expecting a baby.

“Tosia, forget it. The armchair has to be carried down from the fourth floor. I’ll call Nina,” I add in a resigned voice.

“Didn’t Nina go to Barcelona for some symposium for anesthesiologists?”

DAMN!!! Of course, she left.

“Then how about Artur?” I suggest.

“He has been on duty at the clinic since two p.m. He said he was neutering a Labrador today.”

I can only manage to squeeze an agonized moan of disappointment out my throat.

“He should neuter my boss rather than a poor dog.” I lean my forehead against the wall of the stall and make a mental survey of people who could help me. The truth is, however, that in my almost thirty years of life, I have made only three real friends I can count on: Toska, Nina and Artie. I have a father, mother, brother and sister-in-law, but they are about as helpful as a lifeboat in the desert…

But wait, wait, after all, I still have a boyfriend! Why didn’t I think of him right away?

“Tosia, I’ll call Karol, he has a less fucked up boss than me. Talk to you later.” I hang up and a moment later I hear him huffing and puffing in the receiver.

“Maria? Is something wrong?” he asks, surprised and, in fact, it’s not at all surprising. I never call him at this hour.

“I have to pick up an armchair, and my stiff boss doesn’t want to let me out of work. Can you manage to pop out for an hour? Pilsudskiego 23, Apartment 35.”

“Gee, not so much. I’m busy,” he replies, and at the same moment, there is a muffled girlish giggle in the receiver, accompanied by a sound like the creaking of a bed.

---