Page 150 of Kingdom of Embers and Ruin

The bed creaked, and Maude shut her eyes, expecting Herrick just to leave the room. She felt his fingers lift her chin. In her surprise, her eyes flew open to see Herrick standing in front of her with a heartbreakingly kind look in his eyes.

“Maude,” he began.

“Don’t,” she whispered.

“You just spoke for a few hours, and I listened to every word,” Herrick said, a sad smile on his face. “Now it’s my turn to say something.”

She nodded once, his fingers still gripping her chin.

“It’s not your fault,” he finally said, his voice soft.

His words slammed into her harder than they should’ve. Of course, he didn't understand.Of course,it was herfault.

“It is,” Maude responded, not meeting his eye.

“Helvig is responsible for your mother’s death,minn eldr, not you,” Herrick said slowly. “The way I see it, your actions are not responsible for the outcome.Heis the reason your mother died, not you.”

His words didn’t change the guilt that hung over her. She had run away, and that choice had led to her mother’s death.

“She wouldn’t have been there if I hadn’t run,” Maude said, pulling away from Herrick and going to stand in front of the dresser.

“True,” he amended. “But she also told you to keep running. She told you to get out and leave her there, knowing she would die. She knew you needed to be free.”

Maude nodded reluctantly but didn't feel that agreement settle her soul.

“It’s not your fault,minn eldr,” Herrick said again, moving to stand behind her. He reached out and brushed her hair aside so he could lean down, placing a gentle kiss where her shoulder met her neck.

Maude closed her eyes, savoring the feeling of his mouth on her skin.

“It doesn't change anything, Herrick,” Maude said breathily. “I’m dangerous.”

“Yes,” Herrick agreed as he ran his fingers down her side over her thin tunic. “I am constantly in danger of becoming more enamored with you.”

Maude’s temper flared. She turned and pushed Herrick back a step.

“I get people killed, Herrick. If that happened to you, I could never live with myself,” Maude almost shouted.

“I’ll be okay,minn eldr,” Herrick began to say.

“You’re not listening to me!”

“I am listening, Maude, but what you’re saying is a bullshit excuse to keep running away from what you feel,” Herrick replied, his frustration becoming clearer. “Every day, I do things that could get me killed, Maude. I do them anyway because it's theright thing to do.”

Maude put her hands on her hips when he spoke, his frustration only making her more attracted to him.Ridiculous.

“Loving you isn't going to get me killed any faster than any of the things I’ve done to keep this continent from falling back into war, so why can’t you just let me?” Herrick finished loudly, but Maude didn’t notice as she was stuck on something he had said.

She froze, eyes widening a fraction, muscles tensing at the shift between her and this insufferable man. His words hung between them, the deeper implications of them ringing around them like The Norns had been crafting this moment and now sat on the sidelines, watching it unfold.

Herrick must have noticed the look in her eyes, though, because he closed the space between them in two long strides, putting one hand on her hip and the other behind her neck.

Tightening his grip so she was forced to look at him, Maude’s hands flew up to his abdomen, the hard muscles there rigid with strain beneath her fingertips like he was forcibly keeping himself from getting any closer to her.

“I am not going to give up on you like you think I will. I am just as stubborn as you are,” he laughed softly, the sound vibrating through her. “I love you,minn eldr, and one day, you will be mine, but only when you are ready to be.”

Maude closed her eyes, swallowing the pain that shot through her heart at his words.

“What if I can never be yours?” she whispered, unable to muster any stronger words than the truth.

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