Page 105 of A Reign of Embers

Raul’s fingers flex around the bedpost. “You haven’t noticed anything since then?”

I shake my head. “Nothing out of the ordinary. Why? What’s upset you all?”

Bastien tips his head toward the other men. “Marc wasjust telling us about the camp-pox epidemic and how you concocted the first cure for the new strain. You merged your gift with one of the soldiers?”

Why would he be bothered by that?

I study him as if I’ll find an answer in the set of his features. “Yes. One of the two who carried out the experiment with the rats. It didn’t work perfectly, but it meant we got a lot of people back on their feet faster than otherwise. It might have saved Coraya’s life.”

Bastien’s mouth twists. “And that’s a worthy cause. But—you shouldn’t extend yourself again. None of us should. I think we need to take any strategies focused on the combining of gifts off the table.”

His statement kicks me into sharper alertness. “What? Why? It’s the one definite advantage?—”

“It might not only be an advantage,” Bastien interrupts in a lower voice. “Aurelia… I spoke with the cleric who leads the School of Entwined Magics in Delphine. Most of their work, including the accounts in that book I found for you, focus on minor effects. I didn’t know there’s a reason for that.”

Raul breaks in, sinking back onto the bed so he can grip my shoulder. “It could have hurt you. Sacrificed some part of your body at random. The magic you worked with the soldier might have done that already in some way you haven’t noticed yet.”

A chill ripples through my veins. I glance down at myself as if I might notice that I’ve lost a foot or a hipbone that somehow escaped my attention before now.

My sense of practicality steadies me. “If it did, it can’t be anything very important, or I’d have felt the loss by now.”

“You got lucky, then,” Marc says, cool and even, but his gaze sears into mine almost as intensely as Raul’s. “I agree with Bastien—it isn’t a risk you should take again.”

Lorenzo reaches over to give my ankle a gentle caress.“Having you here and well is more important than anything your magic could offer.”

Their concern wraps around me, but it feels more suffocating than comforting.

Annoyance prickles through my belly. “I just told you that for all I know, Coraya might have died if I hadn’t attempted it. Would you have preferred that outcome? What if there’s another situation in the future where I might not continue tobehere if I don’t act?”

“Aurelia…” Bastien lets out a strangled sound and moves to slide his arm around my waist. He tips his head against my shoulder.

I can’t suppress the ache of longing that wakes up at the touch of my lover who’s been apart from me for so long, the last of my husbands to return. My throat chokes up.

He strokes his hand up and down the side of my arm and kisses my cheek. “We’ll do whatever we can to make sure it doesn’t come to that. Unless you’re absolutely sure… What the magic sacrifices in you could be a death sentence in itself. It does you no good if you trade one awful fate for another.”

“We have no reason to think it’s even likely to be that bad,” I have to point out, though my voice has softened. “You and Raul combined your powers in an enormous blast, and you’re both still perfectly fine.”

“It seems the length of the effect as well as its potency play a role. We weren’t working together for more than a minute, if that. And it was only enough to sweep through one room. Once we start talking about tackling entire armies…”

I fold my arms over my chest. “And are you all going to avoid any further experimenting? Do you really think you’d be willing to stand back and not make an attempt ifmylife was in danger?”

Marc grimaces. “That’s different. The empire depends on you, not the rest of us.”

“Idepend on you,” I can’t help saying.

Heat flickers in his gaze at the recognition that my statement includes him. Lorenzo runs his thumb over my calf again.“We’ll all go forward with caution. But it sounds as though it wouldn’t be wise to experiment unnecessarily, at least.”

A sudden, horrible thought hits me. “Not just for me. We were talking about the soldiers combining their gifts more—even civilians, if it came to that. I can’t ask them to take risks I wouldn’t take myself.”

Raul gives a dismissive grunt. “Of course you can. That’s what being the empress means. Ifsomeonehas to act and it could be anyone other than you, they’re the better choice. That’s how it works, Shepherdess.”

He might be right, but my stomach has balled tight all the same. This mission was supposed to only be mine. It was hard enough even involving the three princes around me. It’s gotten harder with every new request I need to make of the empire’s people to reach the future I want to give them.

“We’ll see what we face and how great the risks appear in the moment,” I say eventually.

Bastien frowns. “Aurelia, you shouldn’t?—”

I rest my hand on his lean chest to stop him. “I know you don’t want me to consider it at all. Your opinions on the matter will be taken into consideration. I just… don’t think it’s wise to make promises at this point.”

---