Page 15 of Seal the Deal

“Nah, we were just friends.” I pause, shrugging as I finish my beer. “But fuck, if I could do it all over again…”

Chase whistles from farther down the booth. “That’s wild, man. And you just run into her here, out of nowhere?”

“Yeah,” I say, still reeling. “The second I saw her, I knew it was her.”

I glance around at my teammates unwinding after the game. The bar keeps this VIP space reserved after our home games—a private spot, our usual.

Ryan wanders over to the pool table with his wife, Claire, who's expecting soon. Watching him juggle hockey with a family on the way is something I’ve never even considered, but he makes it look easy. I follow over, and stand next to Elijah and his girlfriend, Tamara. I helped him select a ring recently, and now he’s just waiting for the right moment to propose. The way he looks at her, like she’s his whole world, that’s something I’ve never let myself want.

And then there’s Chase, chatting up a girl at the end of the bar, her hand resting on his arm as she laughs. He’ll probably take her home, and tomorrow there’ll be another one. It’s the same story every night, and I can’t say I don’t get it. Hell, I lived that life in the past, too.

Part of that is because of the demands of my lifestyle. Hockey is my life, and I’ve dedicated everything to it. But it’s not just the game that kept me from settling down, it’s what I grew up with. My dad was a workaholic, completely checked out. He barely noticed me, didn’t give a damn about hockey, even when I got good. Not once did he come to a game, not once did he try to understand the joy it brought me.

I spent years trying to impress him, trying to get an ounce of his attention. Anything. But he just didn’t see the merit in hockey, or in me as a whole. Sometimes I wonder if, given the choice, he’d have chosen not to have me at all.

My mom was different. She tried, but the sadness was always there, like a heavy fog she couldn’t shake. I could see it, even as a kid before her diagnosis. I remember her crying when she thought I wasn’t looking, remember the way she couldn’t get out of bed, like the world was too much for her. Like it was draining her very soul.

For years, I thought maybe I was the problem. That I was too much, needing too much. I learned to take care of myself pretty young. And while I later understood it wasn’t about me, the feeling of being both too much and not enough hasn’t faded.

Therapy’s helped. It’s been one of the privileges of being a pro: access to good doctors. I’ve been able to help Mom too, but I don’t know if she’ll ever fully shake that sadness.

But I swore I’d never end up like my dad, ignoring a family for the sake of work, or letting someone else’s misery seep into my life. So I kept my focus on hockey, stayed out of anything serious, and let the rest fall away.

“Are you gonna see her again?” Ryan asks, pulling me back.

“I want to,” I admit, feeling an pang at the thought of not seeing her again. “But I’m not sure she’s open to anything.”

“Doesn’t mean you can’t catch up,” Eli chimes in. “You guys were friends, right? No harm in reconnecting.”

I nod, but the thoughts linger. I’ve never done relationships, barely ever tried. It’s not just the schedule, it's that I’ve seen what happens to guys who try—they’re torn between hockey and home, and sometimes lose focus. I convinced myself that wasn’t for me.

But seeing Charlie again tips every one of those thoughts off balance. I don’t even know what that means, but there’s something about her that shifts things, stirs questions I haven’t let myself ask. She doesn’t fit neatly into my life, but somehow seeing her again makes me wonder if I suddenly want to try fitting a circle through a square.

“I’ve never been that guy,” I say, leaning back and gazing over the crowded room.“The game’s always come first.”

“You’re overthinking, man.” Chase claps me on the shoulder. “Just see where it goes.”

He’s right, though I hate to admit it. I’ve always been about the game and the next win, but watching my friends find the real thing has changed something. Maybe there’s more out there for me, too.

“Yeah,” I say finally, a small smile tugging at my mouth.

A woman sidles up to the pool table, her eyes bright with interest as they scan me up and down. It's a look I’ve seen a hundred times but haven’t acted on in months. I smile politely, but I’m already looking past her, my mind still caught on the way Charlotte’s eyes held mine.

“Wanna buy me a drink?” she asks, leaning in a little too close, her perfume heavy.

“Uh, not tonight” I say, nodding toward Chase. “He’s your guy.”

The woman pouts, but I’m already turning back to my thoughts.

I need to see Charlotte again.

Chapter five

It’s bribery by brownies all round today

Charlotte - 12 Years Ago

The campfire crackles merrily as the kids toast marshmallows, sending sparks up into the darkening sky. I sit beside Jake, watching as he skewers a marshmallow and holds it over the flames, the golden glow highlighting his smile. This camp tradition feels so American, something I’d only seen in movies back home.

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