Page 6 of Love Bites

“I think I met and then lost the man of my dreams,” I announced to the table as I dropped down next to Ryan.

“Who is it this week?” Conor asked.

I glowered as Sam poured me a glass of cold Gansett, the unofficial beer of New England.

“Fuck all the way off,” I snarled, gulping my beer as the other three began talking about some silly baseball team score thingy. “Hey, pardon me. I am totally having a midlife crisis here and you’re talking about touchdowns?”

“Haider, its baseball.” Ryan said with a tender smile.

I rolled my eyes. “Whatever. Who cares who got a goal in the baseball game. The Fisher Cats stink. There I said it.” I was in a mood. Every male head, and Lucy’s, spun to give me dirty looks. No one dissed the feeder team for the Blue Jays around here. “I was kidding,” I tacked on to quell the dark glower from Lucy. “They rock. Go baseball.”

“Haider, what has you so wound up?” Sam asked as he poked a finger into the bowl of mixed nuts.

“Dude do not do that. Where has that finger been?” Conor asked.

“Guys, hey can we not get into finger placements? I had a visit from Satan today,” I told my friends.

“Did he buy all the truffles?” Conor asked while tugging the nut bowl from Sam. Ugh, that man and his truffles.

“Okay, for starters, I just washed my hands before I sat down.” Sam shot Conor a glare. “I just want the hazelnuts.”

“I like the cashews,” Ryan chimed in. “Did you know that cashews are a shade of green before being roasted? I saw a show about how they process them. It was really fascinating.”

“Those peanuts are my favorites,” Conor interjected. I rolled my eyes. “They sell the best roasted peanuts outside the Fisher Cats games. We should see about getting some tickets and—”

I stood so quickly my chair toppled backwards. “Pardon me, can we stop talking about nuts and focus on my horrible day?!” Several of the older men at the bar snickered. “Oh grow up. Just because we’re all queer doesn’t mean we’re discussing man nuts all the time!”

Lucy gave me a glower. I sat down after righting my chair.

“Haider, would you please tell us about Satan coming into your shop today,” Ryan said as he patted my shoulder.

I sniffed. Now I didn’t want to tell them a thing. But I would because someone needed to be on the lookout for the German spy master who had infiltrated our community.

“Okay, so this beautiful man walked into the shop,” I opened with.

“Satan was beautiful?” Conor asked then chucked a hazelnut to Sam who smiled sweetly.

“They say that the devil comes in many forms. I bet if he showed up at the candy shop to see Haider he would look like Henry Cavill inThe Man from U.N.C.L.E.,” Ryan tossed out then took a swig of beer. The ballgame on the TV above us was turned way down. “I mean if the devil was looking to tempt Haider it would be with some tall, older man with nice clothes. Tell me that I’m wrong.”

No one did because he was not. Yes, I did like older men who dressed well. Sue me. That kind of confidence made my dick hard.

“Guys, can we focus here? My archnemesis has arrived in the states and ate one of my ganache bonbons,” I said as I waved my hands in the air to try to get them to zone in on this horrid situation.

“You have an archnemesis?” Sam asked.

“Well, yes, obviously. I assumed that the Brauning family was some old German meanie who liked to pick on small candy shops, you know, flex those corporate muscles. They reached out to me several times to ask about buying the shop. I sent poop emojis back as my reply. So then the old man meanie turns up today in my shop! But he is not an old man at all. He’s tall and handsome and smells like sandalwood warmed in the sun. Do not titter behind that nut, Ryan, I’m serious!”

“Just so I have this straight. Satan showed up wearing Gucci loafers and salt-and-pepper scruff. He ate a bonbon. Has Mamie been adding Grand Marnier to your coffee at the candy shop again?” Conor asked as a person with a bat hit a ball on the TV, which made the men at the bar cheer.

“No, she has not done that since I got tipsy that day and coated my…you-know-what, I don’t think any of you are being good friends right now,” I huffed then let my head fall to the table.

“Sorry, hey, we’re kidding. We love you,” Sam said then the others joined in, mostly rubbing my curls to make them full of static. I picked my head up, sniffled dramatically, and decided to give them one more chance before I exited with panache. Not unlike Phillip had, but with less strut.

“Phillip Brauning is here in Caldwell Crossing and he’s after my tangy yuzu petites!” They all stared blankly. “Candy. It’s a candy. Guys, seriously. Get your mind out of the gutter.”

“Right sorry. And this Brauning guy wants your zuzu patties for why?” Conor asked with confusion.

“No, not zuzu patties. Yuzu petites. They’re tiny little chocolates. It doesn’t matter. Whatdoesmatter is that this man is trying to buy the shop and he’s being pushy.”

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