Page 39 of The Christmas List

“What’s wrong, Miss Josie?” Lucy asks.

When I glance down, the space between her brows is furrowed as she peers up at me. With my free hand, I swipe a tear that’s fallen away.

“Oh, nothing, sweetheart. Do you know anything about this ornament? Is it… one of your daddy’s special ones?”

Lucy nods. “Yes. We have had that one a looooong time. It might be older than my papa. And he’s like a…dinosaur!”

Her giggle is soft and sweet. “This is the only one I can’t put on the tree because it’s special to Daddy, and sometimes I accidentally drop things. I get to put the rest though!”

I know that she truly has no idea how special this ornament is.

Wyatt kept it.

All these years… hekeptit. He could’ve thrown it away. I honestly thought he had. Why would he keep it when he made the decision to end things between us and leave me behind?

He kept the silly, inconsequential ornament that we made together, one for each of our trees, when we were teenagers during our first and only Christmas as a couple. Except it isn’t at all inconsequential to me.

It meanseverything.

It means that even though he left, he couldn’t let it go. He didn’t let the memory of us go.

And I know becauseIstill have the exact same ornament on my tree… because I couldn’t let him go either.

My mind is spiraling in a hundred different directions at once.

“Alright, dessert is served, my ladies!” Wyatt calls from the dining room, causing me to drop my hold on the ornament. “Although, I am not sureyouneed any more sugar tonight, Lucy bug. You might not sleep till the New Year.”

I hear Lucy giggle, and I imagine it’s followed by an eye roll as she says, “Impossible, Daddy. Humans need at least eight hours of sleep a night. Miss Josie told me in class!”

I quickly swipe away another escaped tear and plaster on a bright smile as I make my way into the dining room. But I can’t stop thinking about the ornament or the fact that he kept it.

“You think I’ll ever get her to calm down tonight?” Wyatt whispers near my ear as I join him at the table.

I shake my head. “Probably not. But she’s having fun, that’s all that matters.”

He chuckles. “You’re right. But… I’m the one who’s gotta handle bedtime.” He pauses momentarily, his eyes searching mine as he reaches for my hand and sweeps his thumb lightly along my knuckles.“You’re awfully quiet tonight, honey. Everything okay?”

“Yeah, of course.” I smile. “I just can’t believe that Christmas is almost here. It always passes so quickly. It feels like I have so many things to do.”

I can’t tell him what’s truly on my mind right now because I’m still trying to… make sense of it.

I think I’ve just been so afraid of what happened in the past that I’ve been stuck there.

I keep thinking about everything that’s happened between Wyatt and me all those years ago instead of letting myself truly see what’s happening between us right now. I’ve been so scared about the possibility of getting hurt again that I haven’t stopped to consider that neither of us are the same people that we were all those years ago.

Back then, we were…kids.

And we’re not those same young, naïve kids anymore.Eight yearshave gone by, and I’ve been so stuck in the past that I haven’t allowed myself the chance to look forward. To embrace all that we could be instead of being so fixated on what we were.

The realization is jolting… but also oddly freeing. Pulling myself out of my head, I settle myself into the dining table next to Wyatt, giving him a small smile.

Once Lucy’s finished her dessert, a molten lava cake that she begged her dad to make for her, we move back to the couch, and she settles in between me and Wyatt.

His arm slips around her shoulder, and she sighs happily as she cuddles against his side and tangles her small fingers in his.

“Alright, bug, ready for your story?” Wyatt asks.

She nods. “Yes, please. Can we read the how to catch Rudolph one? I’m taking notes.” Giggling, she taps her temple.

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