Page 40 of Dissent

I closed my eyes. Why would she do that? I couldn’t even begin to fathom what would make her tagWesonto the end of that comment. Not wanting to go back to this subject, I groaned, “Edith…”

“Okay, okay. I won’t push it. I’m just saying, I’m pretty sure helikesyou too.”

I stopped walking, caught by surprise. But Edith didn’t stop. She just kept marching on, leaving me staring after her, confused by all the emotions swirling within me.

19: PTO

Anyonewhosaystimepasses quickly is a lying liar that lies. That was my opinion, and I was sticking to it.

Time passed slowly…like,gruesomelyslow. And day in and day out was just a repeat of having my butt handed to me by Wes in the training center in every way imaginable. I was falling on my bottom, I was flat on my face, then I was flipped over and flat on my back. I had my arm twisted and pinned, legs bent back in some god-awful positions, my face smashed, and—my personal favorite—my head in a chokehold, more times than I cared to count. I was getting the impression thattrainingwas more of a torture session. My personal little hell hosted by Hell Boy himself, disguised in the body of a sexy beast.

Because that’s one thing I had to admit. Wes was a walking, breathing Adonis. And the fact that he was a replica of his brother played tricks on me every time I had to train. I found myself staring at him, lost in thought, remembering intimate moments shared with Chase. Although my brain knew full well that Wes wasnotChase, my eyes deceived me, tricked me into thinking that the brief memories of gentle caresses and wandering hands were with this man standing right in front of me…with Wes. And, of course, that embarrassed me to no end, distracted me like nothing else did, and resulted in having my ass back on the ground or my head in another chokehold.

Then, there was being drilled repeatedly by Matias on marksmanship. My hands ached from disassembling and reassembling guns more times than I could count. And though Matias was way easier on me than Wes, he was incredibly serious about making sure I knew my way around a stunner and a firearm. It had been four weeks’ worth of training and I hadn’t been allowed to fire a gun. We had fired stunners though, which made for more interesting days. Especially because every time I was going to fire a stunner, Matias would wrap his arms around me, his body flush against my back as he would correct my posture or check my aim. I figured out that I must have developed some sort of heart arrhythmia because every damn time Matias did that, my heart did this little flutter and skipped a beat, or two, or five. Who was counting, anyway? And the pounding of my heart was so fierce, I could feel my whole body pulse with it.

And who could forget Chelsea? I had hoped to form a truce with her, that the day in the tent where I apologized would start a new chapter in the book that was our relationship. Boy was I wrong. If I thought Chelsea hated me before, I was delusional, because sheloathedme now. Truthfully, I didn’t get it. It was Edith who just about smacked me on the head when I was griping to her about how Chelsea had risen to a whole new level ofbitchdom. She pointed out that, ever since I started spending time with Matias on the daily, he’d started sitting next to me in the caf, made it a point to walk me almost everywhere, and gavememost of his attention.

The truth was, Ihadnoticed, and I liked it…a lot. But there was this little part of me that still felt guilty, as though letting myself have feelings for Matias was somehow cheating on Chase. But Chase was dead, our relationship a setup, and we had never officially crossed the threshold out of friendship to begin with. In the end, there had been nothing between us.

Yet, every time I looked at Wes, my heart pounded and something that felt dangerously close to desire turned my blood into magma. I kept telling myself it was just fear, my fight-or-flight response kicking in. And I felt like running every time, but not away. I wanted to runtowardshim. To wrap my arms around his neck, run my fingers through his hair, and draw his lips to mine. To finally have that kiss that Chase always teased me with but never truly delivered. It took everything inside of me to keep me from doing it. IknewWes wasn’t Chase. He acted nothing like him. But my body told a different story. And that story kept me stuck in the past. Kept Chase alive and well in my soul, and it kept Matias just out of my reach.

***

It was early in the morning, the crisp air of spring bringing sweet floral and citrusy notes into my lungs as I breathed them in. I closed my eyes, enjoying the scent as I awaited orders. Chelsea was next to me, hip cocked out as she examined her fingernails. Her curly ringlets were pulled back into a tight ponytail while the mass of unruly hair cascaded down from the hair tie that kept it secure. The awkwardness of the moment didn’t pass me by. It was quiet…and weird. I tried to ignore it, watching as others walked by with purposeful steps.

“Good morning, ladies.” I recognized the voice immediately, and my heart danced in my chest in response. Whipping around, I caught sight of Matias in the skintight jumpsuit that accentuated every ripple of muscle, every sensuous curve, and the fine outline of his well-toned body.

“Catching flies,MissMara?” Chelsea’s comment threw me off, but made sense a fraction of a second later when I realized my jaw was hanging open. I quickly snapped it closed, heat blasting my cheeks. She snickered, the most devilish look crossing her expression. “Pathetic,” she said to herself. There was no attempt to hide it either. Just wide-open disdain for me and all that had to do with me. I opened my mouth to give a snappy comeback, but Matias spoke, drawing my attention away from her.

“How did you sleep last night? Ready for training?” The sweet smile on his lips was so warm and genuine. It was hard not to smile back.

“Not too bad,” I replied. It was true. After sleeping on the most uncomfortable cot in the world for weeks, I was finally getting used to it. I heard Chelsea groan next to me, rolling her eyes. I ignored her. “How about you?”

“Well…” He took steps to stand next to me. “It helps when dreams are filled with the visions of a pretty girl.”

He did not just—

He winked.

Oh my god, he did.

I looked away, my stomach tossing my morning’s breakfast. If my cheeks weren’t red before, they had to be flaming now, because I felt hot. So hot, in fact, I was seriously concerned I was going to burn this forest down and everything with it!

I shifted my weight, feeling giddy as I looked at my boots and then in the opposite direction of Matias, which meant I ended up staring at Chelsea. And she had the nastiest look I had ever seen plastered across her creamy white face. I averted my gaze from her too, deciding to look straight ahead. And for once in my life, I felt grateful to see Wes.

“Mornin’.” You could hardly hear the greeting, but it definitely came out of him. He, too, was already dressed in his jumpsuit. And, like Matias, the jumpsuit outlined every ripple, peak, and valley across his muscular and verymasculineframe. My breath caught in my throat and a deep throb pulsed low in my body, causing me to almost choke on my own spit.

His dirty blond hair was combed back except for one swath that settled down the side of his temple and framed his green eyes as his gaze traveled over us, and then settled on me. His expression went blank. My hand pressed against my collarbone as I tried to accomplish the simple task of swallowing without dying.

“Hey, Wes,” Chelsea responded. Clearly, he did not have the same effect on her. But who was I kidding? Nobody had an effect on Chelsea except for Matias. And even that effect was like a stroll in the park for her compared to me.

He ticked his chin in her direction, acknowledging her without saying a word before his gaze landed back on me, turning my muscles to stone. Not even my lungs worked. I was motionless, rendered absolutely helpless, until he finally looked away.

I exhaled slowly, hating the way my body reacted to him. I wanted to believe it was fear, but the lingering heat coupled with the pulsing throb that brewed deep below my belly made me question that conclusion.

“Good morning, folks.” A fresh voice captured my attention. Drill Sergeant Wynters approached, shoulders back, tall and confident. “We’re going to have a change in schedule for today. Chelsea, you’ll be taking part in the war game.” Chelsea lifted two fingers and gave a cocky salute. “Mara, you’re on PTO.”

My brows knitted together. “What’s PTO?”

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