Page 61 of Dissent

I had little time to think about it though, because my ears registered the crunching of his boots on the gravel. Turning, my eyes were met by his deep brown ones, the soft waves of his hair falling across his face as he looked at me expectantly. I tried to steady my heart as I prepared to tell him everything.

I didn’t get far.

In fact, I didn’t get anywhere at all. Right as I was about to tell him I was sorry and to explain why I was afraid to do the footage, Giza showed up.

“Alvarez, you need to move it, soldier. The night’s not growing any younger.”

“Yes, sir.”

Matias glanced at me, and something flashed in his eyes, pain lingering there. Then they hardened, and the moment was gone. “Go back to your tent, Mara. Stay safe. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Without giving me so much as a second to whisper, he turned on his heels and walked away. And then he was gone, just like that. I was left standing there, the words I so desperately wanted to tell him left inside of me. For the second time in my life, I watched the boy I cared about walk away from me, promising to see me another day. But this time, there was a deep sense of foreboding. A glimmer of fear slithered its way throughout my body. I knew better this time. Because what happened once was bound to happen again, and I knew something was going to go wrong. Someone wasn’t coming back.

29: Quid Pro Quo

MybrainswirledasI desperately thought about what to do. It had been a few hours, and I was still wringing my hands, fussing in my tent by myself. The world was caving in on me, and I didn’t get to tell him what I wanted. He was leaving, and I had this horrible, gnawing fear clawing at my insides, desperate to get out. And I just couldn’t shake it. I couldn’t shake that feeling that shit was about to get real.

Then, there was this whole other piece—Iwantedto go. No matter how much the little voice inside me told me to hide, I wanted to go so badly. It was more than that though. It was more than just wanting…it wasneeding. Ineededto go. I needed to know. I needed to see it, to smell it, to have the freaking truth rubbed in my nose and placed in front of me. Because the truth was, I was still hoping they were all wrong.

I knew Raúl wasn’t honest. I was in a freaking forest for crying out loud, bathing in a river when I’ve been told my whole life this shit didn’t exist. I was surrounded by people who were trying to overthrow his rule because they wanted freedom, because they wanted to be seen as equals amongst each other, because they wanted the ability to choose for themselves. They weren’t trying to overthrow Raúl to take the resources Telvia had. That had been a lie too. They didn’t need anything from Telvia. They had it all right here.

But, despite it all, deep down inside, I was still hoping they were wrong. I kept hoping that Raúl wasn’t really the power-hungry monster everyone was making him out to be. Because, in the end, he was still my dad. And I wanted him to love me…how could I not? And if my dad was really the monster they’d been saying he was, then what did that mean about my brother? Did that make him a monster too?

No. No, I couldn’t believe that. Iknewmy brother. Iknewhim better than anyone, and I knew he was no monster. He wouldn’t allow anything that wasn’t absolutely necessary. That was why I had to go. I had to see this facility for myself. Because then, andonlythen, would I be willing to cast away what I’d been raised to believe my whole life. Only then would I be willing to sacrifice my own safety in exchange to make things right, to correct the errors of my family. The way I saw it, it wasn’t even a choice. And I knew exactly what I was going to do.

As if fate had decided it was finally going to cooperate with me, Chelsea walked in, already dressed in the familiar skintight jumpsuit and hair slicked back into a tight bun. Her eyes locked with mine.

“What are you still doing up?”

Steadying my nerves, I curled my hands into fists and stood firm. “I’m going with you.”

The look of confusion came and went within a few seconds. And it wasn’t long before she stated plainly, “I don’t think so.” She finished stepping into the room, walking to her side of the tent, and rummaged through her trunk at the foot of her bed.

“Yes, I am.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Yes, I am, Chelsea, whether you like it or not. I’m going.”

She whirled around to face me, annoyance laced with frustration oozing from every pore in her body. “No. You’re. Not. Sasha doesn’t want you going, and I won’t be responsible for you.”

Anger swelled inside me, but I worked hard to squelch it. I couldn’t be mad at her. I hadn’t been the nicest to her in the past, and I knew I’d caused a lot of misgiving for her. With a calculated breath, I tried a different approach.

“Chelsea, I need to go.” My words were soft, spoken with gentleness and a hint of a plea. “I want to help. My family’s responsible for this whole mess. The least I can do is help, but I can’t help until I know for sure.” I took a chance and paused, letting the words register for her.

Her expression softened, but only a little, before she denied me again. “I can’t, Mara. I could get in serious trouble.”

Shit.I was losing this argument. My mind scrambled for anything that might help me convince her. And then I found it, “I’ll do the footage.”

She paused.

Gotcha!

“I’ll do the propaganda stuff they want. Let me go with you…let me see it for myself, and I’ll do whatever footage Sasha asks of me. I’ll do it.”

She chewed her bottom lip, appearing to weigh her options. It was tempting. I knew it was. I watched as that temptation to accept my offer seemed to waver. And just when I thought she was going to deny me again, she replied, “I’ll help you sneak into the truck so you can follow us. That’s it. Nothing else. And if you get caught, I’m denying the whole fucking thing, got it? Thewholething. And you do the footage with no hesitation. That’s the deal.”

I nodded vehemently, relief washing over me. “Yes, yes, of course. You help me get on that truck and see that place for myself, and I’ll do whatever Sasha wants me to do. I promise.”

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