Page 76 of Dissent

I spoke without thinking, my heart skipping a beat. “It’s not their fault. It’s mine.” My voice came out firm as I cut through. “It’s all my fault. Wes and Matias didn’t know. By the time they figured out I was there, we were already so close to the processing facility that it didn’t make sense to turn me away. And it’s not Chelsea’s fault either. I begged her to let me go, and in the end, I bribed her. I told her I would do the propaganda footage if she helped me. She knew how important it was to you all. She was only trying to do what she thought was best for the Dissenters in the end. Please, don’t punish them because of me. It’smyfault…just me.”

Everyone stared back at me—a multitude of expressions and emotions fluttering through. Confusion, surprise, annoyance, and interest all had their turn on display, but no one said anything. My heart quickened in the silence. Fear began circling in my core. But there was one thing I didn’t feel this time…

Regret.

Don’t get me wrong. There was plenty I regretted in my life, but not at this moment. For once, I accepted my blame, my shame, myguilt,like I should. And it felt good…a little scary, but good. Now I was going to ride that shame pony home, and if it meant being exiled or executed or hung by my toenails in a tree or whatever the hell it was they did around here, I was going to wear a smile and deal with it. I was going to take on whatever came my way. I had put my big girl pants on, and it was damn well about time.

The council remained quiet, looking at one another in silent conversation. It was Sasha who finally spoke after what felt like a century. “I hope it does not surprise you that this council is extremely displeased with your actions. But…I am also pleased with your willingness to be truthful and accept full responsibility for what transpired.” She quieted, making a soft clucking sound as she stared me down. “It seems you are slowly learning a different way of seeing the world, a different philosophy for life. But I fear you’re not quite understanding the importance of what’s best for the masses. You placed your need for answers and proof above what is best for the greater good. It was selfish.

“When Miss McKenna agreed to take you, she knew we would punish her for breaking command. I do not doubt that. But she knew that you agreeing to do the propaganda footage was better for the greater good. As such, she agreed to help you. When she took the bullet for you, it was once again for what was best for all versus what was best for her. When Mr. Alvarez drove in circles to ensure you weren’t followed, it was what was best for all and not just one person.”

The image of Wes bleeding under my hands invaded my consciousness, sending a chill up my spine. I shook my head, trying to get the image out of my mind.

“You see, child,” she continued, “unlike your father, the Dissenters seek to live by a different philosophy. We seek to establish a world based on justice and what is best for all versus what is best for a few. Your peers’ actions that night demonstrated that philosophy, living it to their core. You, on the other hand, demonstrated that your needs were more important than their safety. And that cannot go unpunished.”

I looked at the floor, my cheeks reddening with shame. What was I going to say to her? That she was wrong? I didn’t have a defense. She was right—100 percent right. I screwed up. I chose myself over everyone else, and now someone else was paying the price for my actions.

“That being said,” the timbre of her voice was steady and slow, “your willingness to accept full responsibility for your actions and to assume fault for the role your peers played shows your ability to place others before yourself. And that, child, shows me your growth.”

I looked up at her, surprised. Warmth swirled in my belly as my anxiety seemed to ease, but I didn’t dare say a word. I didn’t know what to expect. It wasn’t like my parents ever recognized anything I did asgood. To hear someone I barely knew acknowledging something positive about me was refreshing and, well, kind of weird.

Uncomfortable.

I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to take it, but one thing was certain—the Dissenters were nothing like Raúl. I didn’t know what was going to happen next, but one thing was certain...

I was ready.

39: Sorry

Free!I was finally free. I felt the crisp air across my face as I closed my eyes and soaked in the warmth of the late afternoon sun that penetrated the forest canopy. It was over. I was no longer in confinement, and it feltawesome. I stretched my hands up toward the forest ceiling, feeling the minor burn in my muscles as they reached their max length, and then dropped my arms as I breathed in again.

The review had been intense. After I had accepted blame, I had received one hell of a lecture. Sasha hadn’t been pleased with me, and she made sure I knew it. But in the end, they released me with something they called “kitchen and latrine duty” once my ankle was cleared by Doc. And, of course, the Review Board fully expected me to make good on my promise to Chelsea and do the footage they wanted. Sasha informed me that Edith was to remain as my personal security detail until a more permanent guard could be assigned. Apparently, she didn’t have much more confidence in Edith than she did in Matias to keep my nose clean. I was a little dismayed by that part.

Edith must have already known that was the plan, however, because I wasn’t outside of headquarters more than a few minutes before she was walking towards me, a huge smile across her face.

“How did it go?”

“Not too bad.”

“See?I told you it was nothing to worry about.”

“I still feel bad about Chelsea and Wes, though.”

“Well, yeah, duh. But that’s not on you. All of that crap probably would have happened, anyway. Rumor is, they think it was a big setup.”

My eyes grew wide. “What?” I knew Matias had mentioned it, but I hadn’t heard anything else.

She crossed her arms, nodding, “Mm-hmm, that’s what I hear. Matias’s full report had some extra details in it. They put the info together along with some other intel they had, and now they’re pretty convinced it was a damn setup. Long story short, the chance of all three of them being caught or killed was pretty high. So, like I said, not your fault, and they know it. For all we know, you being there could have actually saved their asses.”

I hadn’t thought about that before. When the Telvians had seen me, it redirected their efforts toward me. Maybe that helped, giving the rest of them a chance to regroup and get the hell out instead of being gunned down.

“Oh!” Edith shrieked, clapping her hands together as she did a little hop. “I almost forgot, happy birthday!” Then her arms were around me, squeezing me to death.

Feeling my ribcage about to give under the pressure of her bear hug, I muttered out, “Thanks.” She let me go, a grin consuming the entirety of her face.

“Now, you’ve got places to be.”

“Wait, what?”

---