Page 87 of Dissent

My vision blurred as the sting of tears welled up in my eyes and then cascaded down my cheeks. I didn’t hold them back this time. I just let them flow, one after another, sharp breaths leaving my lips as the sobs overtook me. I buried my face in my hands and I just cried. Because what else was I going to do? I felt so rejected, so…worthless. Because no matter what I had to offer, it was never good enough. And I was so over all of it.

I was alone.

Letting myself cry hard was something I hadn’t allowed myself to do since I first sobbed into Matias’s chest at the river. And it felt good. I found that, although the emotional pain had taken root neatly in my chest, crying helped to make it feel better. My eyes stung from all the tears, and I could feel a headache coming on, but the release had eased some of the sadness for now. Enough that I could focus on my surroundings for the first time.

I was still in the woods, but I didn’t recognize any part of them. It was dark, and though my eyes had adjusted to the lack of light, I was still struggling to see. I had no clue where I was, and I cursed myself under my breath as my hands curled into fists at my sides.

I had made the same choice I always made. I ran. I always ran away from my problems instead of facing them. And I ran away from them because I didn’t know how to deal with them to begin with. But running never solved anything, did it? All it did was leave you with a bigger mess and looking like an idiot when someone had to come get you.

“I’m never going to hear the end of this,” I grumbled as I rubbed my sore eyes. If Edith didn’t stab me with a fork first, Sasha was probably going to stick me back in camping jail. I shook my head with a gruff sigh.

Bing, bing.

The tab flashed. I raised my wrist and flicked the screen, noticing I had several missed messages. Edith had sent me four, asking me where I had gone, and then progressively getting more frantic.

Edith:Hey, where are you?

Edith:Seriously…where are you? I’m supposed to be with you, remember?

Edith:Mara, I’m freaking out. I know shit’s crazy, but message me, ok?

Edith:Mara, I’m serious! Where are you?!?!

A pang of guilt hit me. I took off and didn’t tell her anything. And I knew Edith was my friend…probably theonlyfriend I had. I decided I would answer her in just a minute. I had a few other missed messages, and I wanted to see what those were about first. I swiped my tab, pulling up the rest of the notifications. There were five of them…all from Matias.

Matias:Mara, where did you go? We need to talk.

Matias:Mara, where are you? Edith says you ran off, but you won’t respond to her messages.

Matias:Please…please message me back. I know you’re mad at me, but at least tell me you’re ok?

Matias:Mara, I’m sorry. I know you’re pissed, and I know you don’t want to talk to me right now, but I’m really starting to worry. Please, message me!

Matias:Where are you?? Talk to me!

Shit.Not only was I going to look like an idiot when I told everyone I just ran blindly into the woods, I also scared the crap out of everybody. I sighed, resting my hands back in my lap and looking up at the forest canopy. I had to stop doing this. The first time almost left me as lion chow, and now, god only knew how this was going to end up. I took several deep breaths. I’d have to deal with explaining why I ran off later, but for now, I needed to get myself back to camp. Which meant I would just have to shove my pride up my ass and suck it up.Just lovely….

Taking another deep breath, I looked back at my tab and messaged Edith first. I couldn’t deal with Matias right now. That shit was going to have to wait. Edith would be pissed, but I could manage her.

Mara:I’m ok! I’m sorry for worrying you. I lost track of time and didn’t see my messages until just now. This next part is going to make me sound stupid, but I’m lost…again. I’m in the woods somewhere, but I’m not sure where exactly. So, a little help would be good?

Right as I tapped the send button, I heard a branch snap behind me. I turned my head toward the sound, doing my best to scramble to my feet as I did. Another twig snapped, causing me to jump. Crap, I really didn’t need this right now. My legs felt like jelly. There was no way I was going to run or fight my way out of anything.

Shit, shit, shit!

I looked around me, looking for anything that I could use to help defend myself. My eyes landed on a fallen branch, fairly clear of any leaves or sticks. I grabbed it, lifting it up and prepared to hit whatever it was coming my way. Another snap of a twig, and then, from behind a tree, an older man appeared, dressed in the same jumpsuits that Dissenters wore on missions.

Oh thank god!

“Mara, right? Headquarters has been looking for you. What are you doing out here?”

I shrugged. What else was I to do? Tell him I just thought about going for a midnight stroll? “I know. I got lost. Is the camp close?”

“Not really.”

“Great,” I grouched, feeling like such a dweeb. I tossed the branch to the ground. “Is it possible to get a ride?” Please let a car be nearby. It was taking all my strength to keep me standing right now. My legs throbbed from the earlier run of my life.

He lifted his tab and started typing. “I’ll ask headquarters to send a transport our way. How did you even make it out this far?”

---