Page 89 of Dissent

Fuck…okay, what else do I remember? What else happened?

I stretched my mind out again, tugging desperately at the memory. I had been lost. And then, then someone showed up…a scout! A scout found me, but something happened. There were others, more people were there. I remembered a stinging sensation, and then…and then a burn. Where? I kept scraping the bottom of my mind, clawing to remember.

My neck.

It was my neck where I felt the sting. And then it all came back to me like a runaway train. Telvian soldiers had found me. They had killed the scout and shot me, and I had died. But I wasn’t dead. I was alive, and I couldn’t move anything! I could barelysee,for god’s sakes!

Drugged.

The thought clicked into place. Okay, this was good. Well, maybe not good because,hello?Being drugged was never a good thing! But it was coming back to me. I was lost, found by Telvian soldiers, and they had drugged me.

I was getting there. A little hope glimmered deep within me, but even as it started to shine, it was stamped out just as quickly as a realization hit me—I was in deep shit. Telvian soldiers wouldn’t drug anybody for a good reason. I could feel the panic rise within me again.Breathe…just keep breathing.

My vision was slowly clearing. The colors coming through a little more vibrantly, and the blurred lines of where one object ended and another began became more defined. I tried to blink my eyes, hoping that sliding my lids over my irises and pupils would further clarify my sight. It worked. I blinked again, and then once more, until my vision was finally back.

I was staring at a ceiling…a beautiful crystal chandelier hanging right above me. The glittering jewels twinkling as the light caught them. And the realization hit me with so much force, it nearly took my breath away. Because I’ve only ever seen crystal chandeliers like this in one place in my whole life. And it was the same glittering, jewel-like crystals I admired my entire childhood. It was the same crystals that I spent many nights reading beneath by the comfort of a warm fire—the same fire I knew was producing the heat on the right side of my body.

With a strain of every muscle in me, I pushed to turn my head. But just like everything else, I couldn’t move it. But I had to. I had to know. I had to confirm that I was where I thought I was.

I pushed harder, feeling the strain in the finer muscles across my face, the tension making my head pound even harder than before. But I pushed past it, straining every muscle in my face and neck, and finally, my head moved. Slowly, I turned it to the right, toward the warmth I felt.

And then I saw it.

The white stone marbling that framed a large hearth with a raging fire. I saw the delicate gold clock ticking on the mantel, and the two marbled stone lions silently roaring with pride. The realization, the utter pit of acceptance, fell upon me.

I knew where I was.

I knew it without a shadow of a doubt. A deep sensation of despair crossed over me, swelling in the pit of my stomach and filling me to the brim. I could feel the tears welling up as the knowledge crushed my soul. Because I knew exactly where I was. I was back where I started. I was back in the hell I grew up in, despite its glitzy crystals and refined marbles. I was back in Telvia. I was back in the library. And standing right in front of me, perched along the mantle of the fireplace, was Raúl.

46: Daughter of Mine

Raúlwatchedme,agrim look on his face. I was pretty sure all the color had drained from my own, because I knew exactly how much trouble I was in. He seemed to notice that I was awake, because his gaze fell on me. Straightening, he placed his hands behind his back, and walked toward me.

“It’s a shame that we find ourselves in this way, Mara. I expected better from you.” His tone dripped of disappointment. I didn’t dare say anything. I just kept my focus on trying to move my fingers, trying to wiggle my toes,anything. But it was no use. Other than the muscles in my face, the rest of me felt completely paralyzed.

“I knew you were with that boy, but when the rebels kidnapped you, I thought maybe you hadn’t betrayed us after all.” He stopped inches from me, brows drawn forward and the corners of his lips tipped downward in a frown. Then his eyes shifted, and several creases appeared on his forehead. “That was, until the men at the facility reported back that you had been there,helpingthem.”

He shook his head. “I expected better of you, Mara. To betray your family, to betrayme…and for who? A pack of Dissenters?” He let out a sigh. “I didn’t want to think that Belinda was right about you, but clearly, she was.” His words stung me, slicing my heart like a knife. I tried to speak. I could tell my mouth could move, but trying to get my vocal cords to respond was an entirely different thing. Only air passed through my lips, but no sound.

Raúl turned to face the fire, the glow casting shadows across his face. “I know we’ve always been hard on you. And—” his voice faltered. “And not having your mother was difficult. But we have raised you the best we could. The First Daughter of the Presidential Family,” he announced the title as though exclaiming it to a crowd in a parade, throwing his hands up before letting them drop unceremoniously. “All gone. All thrown away. You left me no choice this time, Mara. It can’t be known that you would betray us and your crimes go unpunished.”

I tried to speak again, straining with so much effort that I felt as though my head were about to explode. “Please…” The word escaped me, a whisper at best. He didn’t hear it.

“I had hoped we could repair the situation with the boy, but this…” his head shook, leaving the sentence unfinished.

I pushed harder, and this time, the words formed a little easier. “Please…please, Raúl.” He turned this time, hearing me. I tried again, not wanting to lose the opportunity. “Water…there’s water.” I took a deep breath and then pushed once more. “Doesn’t have…to be this…way.” So much effort. I never in my life thought that it would take so much effort to speak. “Please…” A glimmer in Raúl’s eyes caught my attention. A glistening that told me he was listening. “Peace…we could…have peace.”Oh god, please listen to me!

Raúl stood rigid for a moment, and then his shoulders fell, his face tipping forward. And it was then in that moment that I saw how old my father had become. He looked tired—worn out, wrinkled, and old. Had my disappearance made him this haggard? Was it possible that he was actually worried about me? Or was he just worried about the rebels?

Another minute passed by and his eyes grew distant. “Peace…” It came out as a whisper. And I couldn’t tell if he was pondering the concept or simply repeating it back to me, but I needed to push forward. I needed to try.

“Yes,” I pushed out the word. I tried to shake my head, but I still couldn’t move it.

“Peace,” he uttered again. He looked away for a moment, but when his eyes came back to meet mine, they glistened with moisture. Tears. Raúl was on the brink of crying.

Hope pumped through me. I pushed again, “Peace…please, Raúl.” The effort wasn’t as much this time, and I could tell some of my other muscles were responding. I mentally scanned my body again and realized a tingling sensation was spreading in my limbs, like when your foot falls asleep and revives.

Then Raúl said something that I thought I would never hear in my life. “We could havepeace.” As the sound of those words hit my ears, the hope blossomed within me.

---