Page 24 of Resist

I looked away, staring off across the open field at the tree line. Did I really have a choice? Was this just a manipulative trick from Sasha to get me to do what she wanted so she could continue her war against Raúl? I shook my head. I reallydidn’t know what to believe. But then, “Does it really make a difference?”

“Come again, amiga?” Edith’s eyes were huge, and she looked at me like I had grown a third arm.

I blinked, lips parted as I tried to hang onto the thought in my head. “Does it make a difference whether or not she has the right to promise me? Does it really matter if I have a choice?”

“Um…” Edith looked around. “Are you talking to me or are you trying to prank some fool I don’t see? Of course it matters!”

“Does it?” I insisted. “Whether she can or can’t, or whether I choose or not, the end result is still the same, Edith. If I want to save my brother, then I need help from the North. I can’t do it by myself. I need help. It doesn’t really matter who promised what, it’s the same result in the end. Marrying Wes means I get a chance at saving my brother. How I get there doesn’t really matter because it’s the same no matter what. End of story.”

“But itdoesmatter, Mara.” Edith stood up, turning around to face me. “Itdoes. I get what you’re saying about your brother but think about this for a minute.”

“Iamthinking about it, Edith. Can’t you see that I’m freaking out about this?” I rose to my feet. “I have tomarrysomeone in order to save my brother’s life. That’s crazy! Whether or not Sasha makes me do it is inconsequential.”

“Of course it is,” she insisted, throwing her arms out in exasperation. “No one can make you do anything!”

What was happening? Was she…? “Are you mad at me?”

“No! Well, maybe…I don’t know.” She dropped her face into her hands and then slid her hands down her face, pulling at her skin. “I’m not mad at you…not necessarily. This is just—ugh! I don’t know! It just feels like if you let Sasha tell you who to marry, then are we really any better than Telvia?”

“What?” That made no sense.

She pumped her hands into fists at her side, eyes wild. “Raúl tells you who you can marry, right?” I nodded. “But we don’t do that here. We’re free to make those kinds of choices for ourselves. If you let Sasha get away with betrothing you when she doesn’t have a right to do that, then…how are we any better than them? Than the Telvians?”

I started muttering to myself. “This makes zero sense to me—”

“How do you not see it?”

“See what?” I finally snapped back. I had no fuse, no emotional reserves, no bandwidth to do the mental gymnastics that Edith was trying to push out of me. ZERO. “All I see is that my brother’s life is at stake.”

“Jesus,” she muttered, running her hand through her hair before looking back at me. But this time, I didn’t see anger. I saw concern. “What about Matias? What about him and what you guys had?”

I felt all the energy dissipate from my body.

She took a step toward me, tone softening. “And what about Wes? What about what’s fair to him?”

I blinked. “What…what do you mean?”

I watched the sadness seep into Edith’s eyes as her lips tipped into a frown. “They care about you, Mara. Can’t you see that? Theybothcare about you.” My chest tightened as I gasped at her words. “Don’t you see? It totally matters whether or not Sasha has the right to promise you because she doesn’t. You’re the only one that can choose which one of them you want to be with. But who you choose matters because one of them is going to end up hurt.”

I couldn’t do this. She was wrong. She was totally wrong. “First off, that’s ridiculous. Wes and I are friends. He doesn’t like me that way—”

“Oh god,” Edith snapped out, facepalming herself. “Are you freaking serious?”

Okay, I’m done. I was tired, I was hungry, and so far, my day was going down the shit tube pretty hard. I didnotneed a fight with Edith right now. “For crying out loud, Edith, what the hell is your problem? Wes and I aren’t like that, and even if we were, where the hell has Matias been, huh? Where? We hardly talk, and when we do, it’s a couple of crappy texts!” I started pacing, feeling the adrenaline surging within. “And…he shot me!” I added for good measure.

Edith glared, “Oh come off it, Mara. He shot your brother—”

“Exactly! He shot my brother, Edith, my freaking brother. How would you feel if I went around and shot the people you loved?”

“Right now? Like I’d punch you in the face and then punt your ass across this field.”

“Exactly! That’s what part of me feels. And then the other part of me knows I like him, okay? I’m not in denial. I know I like him. But I’m hurt, and I’m jealous, and I’m all the crap that comes when yourquasi-maybe-boyfriend-but-not-reallyis spending all his time with his ex-girlfriend!”

“It’s complicated, Mara,” she pushed back.

“I know that! The logical part of my brain gets it, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less!”

Edith stood silent, her arms crossed, feet shoulder width apart, and brows pinched together. She was clearly still annoyed, but she stayed quiet. And I…I suddenly felt deflated, like all the air within me had been sucked out, leaving me flat, tired, and emotionally drained.

---