Page 81 of Resist

“Shh, it’s okay. Is this why you’re so worked up? I’m not upset about it. It’s fine,” I repeated, trying to convince him.

“No, it’s not fine, Mara. None of it was fine.” He took my hand from his face and held it. “That’s what I’m trying to say. None of it was okay. And then I disappeared on you. I ghosted you. No wonder you picked him over me. I mean, what kind of guy does that make me? To just leave you when you needed me the most.”

I parted my lips, but no words came out. I just listened as he desperately spilled out all his regrets, but I just didn’t know if I could contain them for him. He was finally telling me everything I had so hopelessly wanted to hear from him, but it was too late.

“I know it’s complicated with Chelsea. Iknowthat. But please…please, don’t do this,” he begged. “Don’t let Sasha marry you off to him. Don’t let her hold you hostage because of your brother.Please. I promise you we’ll figure it out.” He took my face in his hands then, holding me gently like he had so many times before. “We’ll figure it out together, okay? But don’t do this. Don’t choose him.”

“Oh Matias,” I uttered as my heart broke. I couldn’t give him what he wanted, and I knew it was going to hurt him. And I never wanted to hurt him.Never.“I-I just…” I stumbled over my words, looking for the gentlest way to tell him. To say that my heart wasn’t his…that it never was. “I can’t…”

“Please, Mara. I’m begging you. Remember the forest. Remember every moment we shared. I told you I would always come back for you. I’m fulfilling that promise now. I’m coming back to you,for you. Now all you have to do is accept it.”

“I can’t—”

Matias swooped down, pulling my face to his, and pressed his lips to mine, completely catching me by surprise. He kissed me hard and passionately, like so many times before, taking my very breath into his body.

I pushed him away. He didn’t try to fight me. He let me go, a pained expression crossing his face. I placed both my handsto my chest, surprising even myself with my next words. “I love him, Matias. I’m so sorry, but I love him.”

Hearing those words, hearing my voice proclaim that truth, sent a surge of joy throughout my body. It was scary to admit, to actually say them out loud. But letting my lips form those words, letting my heart lean into them, felt so good, so right, sofreeing. Wasthiswhat it felt like to be in love? To feel like you could soar through the sky, dance on the clouds, and melt into the stars?

I blinked, returning my attention to Matias. My admission was all I had to say to him. He knew I couldn’t take him back, that my heart belonged to Wes. His eyes glimmered, and I could see the tears threatening to fall. Sorrow folded across his face, his eyes looking away as he grimaced. And then he nodded, slipping his hands in his pockets as his shoulders sagged in defeat.

“I know,” he whispered. Then he looked up at me with his cute, boyish smile that used to melt my heart. “But I had to try. You can’t blame a guy for trying, right?”

My vision blurred as I shook my head gently, returning the smile. “No, I can’t blame you for trying.”

He pressed his lips together, and then shook his body out, exhaling loudly. “We okay?”

“Yeah, we’re okay.” I watched him nod as I stepped forward and wiped a stray tear from his cheek with my fingertips. “I’ll always care about you.”

I meant it. I meant it from the depths of my soul. Because there would always be a place in my heart for him. Without him, I would have been lost in my own darkness. He gave me the courage to stay strong as my family tore me apart in the shadows of the basement. And for that, I would always love him.

His smile broadened, and then he drew me into a hug, folding his arms around me. I nestled my face into his shoulder and breathed him in, relishing the familiar smell of him—evergreen and citrus—that brought me right back to the forest. After amoment, I let him go, stepped back, and looked into his eyes one last time.

A mixture of pain and acceptance was painted across the lines of his face. “Well,” he sighed, “we should probably get back to the party, huh?”

I rolled my eyes. “If you only knew how much drama there is behind this freaking party.”

He laughed, some of the pain being swept from his face. “You’ll have to tell me all about it.” He took my arm and draped it around his, turning to escort me back into the gala. I sighed, feeling a mixture of sorrow for what was lost and excitement for what was to come.

But it all came crashing down.

Because when I lifted my head to look through the doorway and back into the ballroom, my heart sank into its grave. There, wearing the most wretched smile I had ever seen, was Calista.

44: Always

No…I inhaled deeply, fear a wild thing inside of me as I watched Calista turn and run toward the dance floor.

No, no, no, no!

I let go of Matias and took off after her, gathering my skirts as I went through the doorway and back into the ballroom. What did she hear? What did shesee?

Oh god, please…please don’t let something bad happen. Please!

I scanned the hundreds of faces twirling on the floor until my eyes caught sight of wavy blonde locks, creamy skin, and a black dress out towards the middle of the floor. I didn’t hesitate. I launched myself into the mass, swimming among the faces and glittering gowns, trying to reach Calista. If she saw Matias kiss me…if she heard him begging me to stay with him… Panic surged within me, desperation rising. I had to reach her before she had a chance of uttering a single word. I pushed through,forced myself through the maze, watching as her figure came closer and closer.

Please, please, please, please…I kept begging the universe, begging the stars, begging God, begging whoever or whatever was up there.

I shoved past a couple swirling in front of me, and then dodged another as a man dipped a woman’s body in my path.

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