Page 111 of Resisting the Running Back

“I was just thinking that, too. And to fill in the blank, you could say girlfriend. Fiancée. Lover.”

He laughs. “I likelover. That’s how I’ll refer to you. Surely they’ll ask questions on media day.Who’d you leave behind at home?Oh, me? Just mylover.”

I giggle, but the truth is that the giggle is hiding a deeper fear.

Will he be able to say the same thing next season when he’s asked that question? Or will his answer be different? He’s leaving hiswifebehind. And hisbaby.

And we’re talking about what days the trash is collected instead of any of that.

It’s just because he’s focused on the season. He should be. And I should be focused on my book coming out in a couple weeks.

I’m not.

We have sex, and I force myself to be present in the moment. To concentrate on every caress of his fingers, every slide of his tongue wherever it lands, every thrust of his hips into me.

It’s the last time we’ll get to do this for the next two weeks, so I memorize every second of it.

And when it’s over, and I’m lying in his arms warm and sated, I memorize those moments, too. The way he smells, the way he feels, the warmth he exudes.

I hold onto those feelings as tightly as I can.

After we kiss goodbye in the morning, and I wave to him as he pulls away for the next two weeks, I can’t help but burst into tears as I wonder whether life will be any different when he returns home to me.

CHAPTER 50: Miller Banks

TheQuietBrother

I want to be excited for the season ahead, and I’m trying to be.

It’s hard when I realize everything I’m leaving behind.

It’s even harder when I think about how much longer I even want to play.

I turn off the street where I could still see Sophie waving at me in the rearview mirror, and I pull to the side of the road. I draw in a deep breath as I grip the steering wheel with both hands.

It feels different this season.

Iloveplaying this game. I have always loved playing football since I first picked one up.

It’s always been everything to me, and getting to play it with my brother has been the highlight of my life.

But life is changing. Things are different now. Tanner is married. He has a wife and two stepkids, and maybe he and Cassie are trying to have a kid of their own. I wouldn’t know since Tanner and I haven’t had the same kinds of heart-to-hearts we were able to have back when we lived together.

I felt myself pulling back from Sophie as the season drew nearer. It wasn’t really because of the condom. She hasn’t been exhibiting any new or different symptoms, and I feel fairly confident that it was nothing more than an accident. I managed to push it to the back of my mind.

I wasn’t pulling away on purpose, I guess, but I started getting busier. Workouts and meetings meant less time at home, and it’s a semi-realistic picture of what the season will look like for us.

But I guess I was drawing back because I was scared, too. I felt her pulling away, maybe because of the condom, or maybe because of her book release coming up, or maybe because I wasn’t home as much…but whatever the case, it’s always been my habit to get ahead of problems before they become issues.

I just never thought I’d have problemsorissues when it came to Sophie.

I always knew the gamble of getting involved with her could lead to my worst nightmare, which would be losing her as a friend or losing her completely from my life.

I feel like I’m leaving her behind as I pull away to a new season, but I don’t have a choice.

I’m leaving things in a precarious position, but I have no clue how to fix it.

I just hope that this two-week pause isn’t enough to break us.

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