Page 60 of Blind Prophet

“You just told me you don’t say what you’re thinking because you want to avoid fighting.”

“That’s different. Verbal sparring differs from…you coming back and telling me…”That you want me. Jesus, is it so hard to grasp what I’m saying?

“I stopped reading magazines. TheNew York Post. Any publication I thought might mention you, I avoided.”

“That’s not the reaction I desired.”

“If you wanted me back, why didn’t you say? Why didn’t you call?”

You left.

“I wanted you to have the life you wanted.” A shrill cry from a hawk overhead cuts through the sky. “Did you get it?”

She exhales in frustration. Only I haven’t said anything argumentative. I would like to know—has she been happy? Who was the guy texting her? Is he the reason she quit her job at the CIA and moved to California? How serious are they? Is it a healthy relationship? Does he give her everything I couldn’t? Does he make her happy?

“Are you sure we shouldn’t try to find a road?”

Classic.

Change of subject.

“They had our coordinates when we went down. There’s a transponder.” The same precision tracking we use for our satellites is now being used to find us. “Unless you’ve developed navigational skills, we’re better off waiting for them as opposed to wandering in the San Juan Mountains.”

“How are you always so calm? So in control?”

Stay focused. Analyze the situation. Maintain composure. The calmness she hates was the only thing keeping me from falling apart when she left.

Yes, she always hated that I stayed calm when faced with reporters. If she was alone, they scared her. I failed to take her fear seriously. I tried to keep the paparazzi away, but I felt equally frustrated that she couldn’t just smile and adjust. I felt worse because I couldn’t stop them. If she’d smiled more, posed, given them some money shots, they wouldn’t have been so ever-present.

“You’re doing it again.” The accusation grabs my attention.

“What?” How can I possibly be doing anything wrong? I’m sitting still, holding her.

“You’re lost in your head. There’s a whole conversation going on in there.”

“It’s easy to get lost in what I did wrong.”

“What do you believe you did wrong?”

There’s no mistaking the taunt. The desire to trap me by allowing me to say the wrong thing.

“I didn’t listen. I didn’t take your concerns seriously. And, when you weren’t happy, I felt like a failure, so I focused my energy on areas of my life where I was winning.”

My fingers brush the side of her face. The smooth skin is cool to the touch. Her light blue eyes, irises the color of the sky on a crisp, clear, hopeful day, glimmer. My chest aches with the pull to her. She’s the one I failed to forget, and I’ll probably never get over her. Whatever pain I endure, I deserve.

“How’d I do? Did I miss anything?”

CHAPTER14

CAROLINE

“It was a long time ago. Let’s not get into this.”

Avoiding his gaze, I lean against his chest, willing the frustration away.

I should take in the sky, gray and cloudy as it is, the gurgling creek, and the remaining amber and crimson aspen leaves clinging in the face of the coming winter, and be grateful.

If someone spotted us with a telephoto lens, they would see a couple, not the exes that we are. I should push away, but the deep thud of his heartbeat comforts me. And it’s chilly, getting colder as the minutes tick by, and his body is a furnace.

---