“Yes?”
“As you said, it’s important for Jax and his brother to have a relationship. My girls and I have become very fond of him. Would you consider letting him spend summers with us in California? I’d really love for them to grow up together.”
Tears spring to her eyes. “You mean you don’t hate him?”
I’m taken aback.
“He’sherchild and all. And didn’t she break up your marriage on account of being pregnant?”
It’s then I remember she knows nothing about the real Jackson or the truth of my marriage. But even if her assumption were true, how could I hate a child? “Of course I don’t hate him. None of this is Jax’s fault. He’s my children’s brother and that makes him family. Besides, I fell in love with him the minute I laid eyes on him.”
She beams. “I think that your summer offer would be just marvelous.”
—
On the flight home, Tallulah is sleeping, and Bella reads a book. I simply sit and stare, decompressing from the events of the past weeks. Would I have returned to Bishops Harbor if I’d known what lay ahead? I nearly lost my girls. The fact that we are together and finally on our way home fills me with gratitude.
I can’t wait to see my mother and hear about her trip. I’m grateful that she was away and spared the agony and worry she would have felt had she been aware of what was happening to me. A part of me wishes that I’d listened to her and never come back. But if I hadn’t, would that have damaged my relationship with Tallulah beyond repair? As horrific as it was, maybe the only way for my girlsto ever have peace about the absence of their father in their lives was to learn the truth. That wasn’t something I was prepared to share for a long time. It’s tragic, really. If only Jackson had truly changed in prison, the outcome would have been so different. I could have learned to forgive him for the past and he could have had a relationship with his daughters. There’s no way I’d ever have gone back to him, but we could have co-parented and given the girls what they need. Now none of us will ever get that chance.
I took the girls to the hospital to say goodbye to Jackson. Walking into the room and seeing him lying there so vulnerable and helpless felt like an out-of-body experience. A rush of memories flooded over me, both good and bad, almost as though I was seeing our whole life together flash before my eyes. I wept, more tears than I thought I had, and I don’t know who I was crying for more, the children, me, or even, yes, him. Because no matter what, there was a time I loved him. A time when I thought he was everything I ever wanted and needed and so I cried for the death of all ofit.
Surprisingly, the house was never put into Amber’s name, and Jackson’s will leaves it and all its contents to be equally divided among Tallulah, Bella, and Jax and put in a trust administered by me. I guess he really believed I was coming back to him. The trust named me as power of attorney in the case of his incapacitation. The house is on the market now for twenty-five million dollars. The artwork is being appraised as is the furniture. The money will be used for Jackson’s care, and whatever is left over will go to the children when Jackson dies.
As for Tallulah and Bella, at first they were so angry at Jackson for what he’d done that it didn’t seem there was any room for their grief. But when they saw him, they both broke down. They’re going to be heartbroken for a long time, but I’ll be there to pick up the pieces. I’m no Pollyanna, but I try to find something good that has come out of this summer. There’s Jax, of course. If we hadn’t come back, they wouldn’t have met their brother. I’m glad for their sakeas well as his. He’ll be raised by people who love him and want the best for him. No doubt he’ll have his own demons to battle. A father unable to care for him or even speak to him and a mother who will either be in prison or, if not, sweep in and out of his life when it suits her. I know in my heart not only that Amber murdered Jake Crawford but also what Amber is capable of. She is a master of escape and reinvention, like a Svengali and Houdini wrapped in one Machiavellian package. If she somehow manages to go free, it would not surprise me in the least. For everyone’s sake, I hope I’m wrong. But at least Jax will have his grandparents, a brother, and the two best big sisters in the world. And I will love him like he’s my own and make sure he gets all the support he needs. Jackson wanted us to be a family again and I suppose in a way we are. No matter what he’s done, he will always be the father of my children and so I’ll oversee his care and make sure he’s looked after.
After we land and disembark, I breathe deeply, so happy to be back home again. As we exit the airport I lift my face to the sky, and the California sun envelops me in what feels like a welcome home hug. After a few minutes, an SUV pulls up and my mother parks and jumps out of the car.
“My girls!” she says, pulling us all to her in a group hug. “Thank God you’re home!”
We pile into the vehicle, the girls chattering a mile a minute, seeming almost like their old selves as we pull onto the highway and head for home.
“Mr. Bandit has been pacing around all day. I think he knows you’re coming home,” my mother says, referring to our yellow lab.
“Guess what, Grandmom?” Bella says.
“What?”
“When we were in Texas, we made new friends and they have two yellow labs. And guess what their names are?”
“Hmm?”
Bella giggles. “Buck and Shot.”
My mother gives me a curious look.
I laugh. “She’s telling the truth. They’re Daisy Ann’s dogs, the woman I told you about who helped us. In fact, we’re all invited to go out to their ranch next summer.”
My mother gives me a long look. “Well, that’s a summer trip I can give my blessing to.”
– 57 –
AMBER
Amber’s journey to the Gunnison County Jail, where she was now housed awaiting bail, had been fraught with indignity. They’d confiscated all her cash, and after her hearing before a judge in New York, the FBI had turned her over to two police officers from Colorado who had slapped handcuffs on her as they escorted her back on a commercial flight in full view of everyone. Her attorney was working on finding her the best criminal attorney in Colorado, but in the meantime, he had sent some shmuck who looked like he’d just graduated from law school. She’d kicked him out after ten minutes, when it became clear he was a moron.
She sat up in bed, if you could call the hard cot in her cell a bed, and stretched. The prison uniform itched, and it galled her that she wasn’t allowed to take it off even to sleep. She’d already gotten in trouble for that. Why the hell she couldn’t sleep in her undies she had no idea. It’s not like there was another person in her cell. But there were rules for everything in this godforsaken place. She had the seventeen-page inmate handbook to prove it. Last night she’d brought a bag of chips from dinner to her cell. She didn’t know that if she didn’t eat it before lockdown, the guards would take it. It was almost like they got a kick out of making arbitrary rules just to screw with you. Her hair felt like straw from the cheap off-brand shampoo they gave her, and the soap left her skin dry and itchy. This was hell and she’d only been here for a few days. And this wasa small-town jail. She didn’t allow herself to imagine what it would be like if she got sent to prison.
She could play the good girl, though. She had to bide her time only until she could post bail.