Page 112 of Home Run

“Mom, what are you trying to say?”

“I loved your father, so much…love…he was my whole world. We met when we were barely older than you, and I couldn’t ever imagine us not being together. But he joined the army, and it wasn’t long before he was snapped up into the job that took him.”

Before I could stop it, a lump thickened in my throat. “I know?—”

“But with your father being away all the time, out of contact, I always felt anxious. Days and weeks of hearing nothing was the life for me. Loving him came with a cost, one that eventually took him from us. But while I miss him every day, when he died, the fact he was always away made it easier to get through my day. I wasn’t used to the house with him in it.”

A fat tear rolled down my mom’s cheek before she could snatch it away.

“And until I met Doug, I didn’t realize that anxiety in a relationship wasn’t the norm. Doug is present, he talks to me about his day, he’ssafe. And it made it so easy to fall in love with him.”

“Yeah, Mom.” I sniffed, wondering where she was going with this. “Iknow.”

She nodded. “The couple of times I’ve met Tanner, I can tell he’s a talker.”

I chuckled through another loud sniff. That was an understatement. “He is.”

“And you’re not used to it. You’re not used to someone so open and present. Your male role model always disappeared for weeks with no contact. Even if you understood why he disappeared, I think it took its toll on you.” She paused, stepping close enough to me that she could run her hand over my belly. “I think you like Tanner, more than you care to admit, but you’re scared, because of what happened with Daddy.”

We were both silent for a second, staring at each other until a sniveled sob burst out. I found myself wrapped back up in my mom’s arms while she let me cry on her shoulder. And this was a legit cry, not a hormone-inflicted one.

“Tell me what’s wrong.”

I swallowed hard, it was ridiculous to say I was crying because I missed Tanner. It was more complicated than that, especially as he was literally around the corner from me, and I saw him last night. But Ihadn’tseen him when I woke up this morning, and for some reason it was messing with my head.

I didn’t have to dig too deep to be more specific.

He’d left. Tanner had left without waking me to say goodbye.

“I don’t want to fall in love with him only for him to leave.”

“Sweetie, anyone can see how much Tanner loves you. I don’t think there’s any danger of that happening.”

“You don’t know?—”

“No, you’re right, I don’t.” She conceded, her hand dropping to rub across my belly. “But neither do you. And this isn’t the same as your father, baseball isn’t a career with a high mortality rate.”

It should have made me feel better, especially when it was my mom’s weak attempt at a joke, but it only set me off again. I couldn’t wait for the day I stopped crying. It was a wonder I wasn’t permanently dehydrated.

“Does he make you happy?”

I nodded, wiping a sleeve over my face. “I think so.Yes, he does.”

“Then you should let him make youhappier,” she replied, stroking my hair, just like she had when I was a child.

“But I can’t fall in love with Tanner just because he buys me things, or”—I waved to my belly—“because of this. Or because he makes the baby smoothies.”

“But you can’t stop yourself from falling in love with him because of those reasons either. You deserve to be happy.”

I thought about my mom’s words, how wise she was whenever I had a problem. Would I ever be like this when my child was growing up? And at what point did wisdom set in, because it sure didn’t feel like I had much right now.

Lifting my head, I glanced at her. “Wait, what did you mean when you said couple of times? You only met him once.”

“Sure,once,that’s what I meant,” she replied. “Now why don’t I get the check, and we can go home, unpack all these baby things?”

If I thoughtharderabout it, the fact my mom didn’t look at me when she spoke should have made me suspicious.

But I had something more important to think about.

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