Page 14 of Home Run

“Right.With Tanner.”

“Yeah—”

Thirty seconds passed and she still hadn’t said anything, I turned to face her only to find her waiting for the rest of the story. One I really didn’t want to relive. The sun was far too bright, and the birds far too cheery for me to deliver news of this magnitude. I held her stare, hoping she’d get it, hoping she’d understand exactly what I was trying to tell her.

A thousand different emotions passed over her face. “You hadsexwithTanner Simpson?”

I nodded.

“And now you’repregnant. With his baby?” she whispered so quietly I could barely hear her, but I nodded anyway.

I expected her to shout at me, maybe scold me for beingso stupid, scold me for not telling her I’d slept with him in the first place. But she just sat there, my hand in hers.

“Does he know?”

I shook my head. “No, I just came from the doctor.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know.”

“Are you going to tell him?”

“I think I have to, don’t I?” It would be the right thing to do, this mess might be my fault, but it was a mess I’d involved him in.

“I think so.”

“Oh fuck.” My head dropped down again. “What have I done?”

“Are you guys seeing each other?” she asked, and I could hear the hurt in her voice. That I’d kept a secret from her.

“No. I haven’t seen him since it happened. I haven’t spoken to him.”

Her eyes flicked to mine, suddenly narrowed and angry. “Did he just sleep with you and leave? I’m going to kill him.”

“No. No. It’s not Tanner, it’s me. I’m the one. I freaked out and made him leave.”

“Freaked out about what?”

“You know how he’s been with me, all consuming andTanner.” She nodded, because she understood exactly what I was saying. “But that day he came to get me, he was so sweet, and he listened to me and he didn’t care I was crying about my mom and Doug, or my dad. After we had sex I was lying there and suddenly filled with panic that he’d gotten what he wanted, and I’d fallen for it. I felt so dumb. I told him it was a mistake and kicked him out.”

Radley’s mouth dropped open. “Millie.”

“I know, I’m an asshole. I’ve felt terrible about it since, but I can’t bring myself to speak to him. And now I have to, don’t I?” I asked again, because maybe she’d have a different answer. Although I knew deep down I was going to tell him, maybe I could do it another day a hundred years from now. “This is the universe punishing me for being an asshole.” Taking my dad from me wasn’t enough.

“You need to tell him.” She nodded. “But have you thought about what you’re going to do?”

For the entire walk here the two options of keeping the pregnancy or terminating it ricocheted like a pinball in my brain. All it had given me was a headache.

“No.”

“Tanner might be able to help.”

“Oh my god,” I wailed. “He’s not going to want a kid. He’s a baseball player, he’s aplayerperiod. If I have it, I’ll be raising it on my own. I know it.”

She let go of my hand and wrapped her arms around my shoulder. “Hey, that’s not true. You’ll be raising it with me, because whatever you decide, I’m going to be right by your side. And whatever you decide, it’s going to be okay.”

It was the second time I’d heard that, and I still didn’t dare believe it. But it made me feel marginally better nonetheless. That was until I remembered I now had to speak to someone I could have easily avoided until the end of time.

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