Page 24 of Home Run

A flash of sunlight snapped me out of the flurry of unanswered questions spinning in my brain. Pulling on my swimsuit and picking up my favorite book—a very well-worn copy ofSense and Sensibility—I made my way downto the pool, followed closely by Brinkley, who promptly launched himself in it.

Diving in after him, I swam a few laps before my book called to me and I snuggled down into one of the soft striped loungers edging the water. I’d meant to read, but somewhere along the lines I must have fallen asleep because in the next moment, the sun had moved across the sky on its descent to the horizon.

I woke to find my mom sitting on the lounger next to me, her eyes red and puffy.

Immediately my belly twisted itself in knots.

I reached out my hand to her. “Mom, I’m so sorry.”

She didn’t reply right away, instead a smile curled her lips. A sad smile, the type of smile I’d not seen on her for a long time. Her fist was clenched, and she was shaking something in it.

“You went to see Daddy today?”

I nodded. “Yes, how’d you know?”

She held her hand out to reveal a handful of jelly beans, minus the orange ones.

I pushed myself up to sitting, swinging my legs around until my feet hit the floor. “You went?”

She swiped away a tear. “I did. I went to talk to him and ask him for some advice. Did you tell him?”

“Yes.”

“You always were a daddy’s girl.” Her expression softened and her smile brightened a fraction. “Tanner Simpson should count his lucky stars that he won’t have to deal with him.”

I matched her smile with one of my own. “That’s what I said to Radley.”

She huffed out a laugh. “Ohgod,Millie. If you go ahead with this, you know it’s going to be hard, the hardest thing you’ll ever do. You’ll have to defer school, you’ll need to study with a baby, sleepless nights, crying?—”

“I know, Mom.”

“And the diapers, the teething, your life will belong to a tiny, helpless little thing?—”

“Mom, I know.”

She leaned forward, clasping my hands. “I’ll help you, I’ll support you. But you arenotdropping out of school.”

“I don’t want to drop out. I can do it, Columbia has support groups for parents, and helps with their study time and nursery.” I knew this, I’d already checked when I was trying to pull together my pros and cons list.

“And what’s Tanner’s involvement? Have you thought about that?”

I nodded. “He said he’ll support me in any way I need. He’s a good guy, Mom, I promise.”

From the expression on her face, I wasn’t sure she agreed with me. “Are you together?”

I shook my head, though weirdly the idea wasn’t as abhorrent to me as I’d previously found it. “No, we’re friends. I still need to tell him that I’m going to go ahead with it. But we’re not together.”

Her brows dropped. “And if he changes his mind about supporting you? And if you’re not together what if he starts a new relationship? Or you for that matter? Have you thought about that?”

I knew what she was doing, as any good mom would do, I guess. But I could also see all the worry on her face, new worry that I’d caused. She didn’t need to worry aboutme starting a relationship, it was the furthest thing from my mind. Even if I wasn’t pregnant, being part of a couple, making my heart vulnerable, was not a plan of mine. Not yet. I’d had enough heartbreak to last me a long time.

“If he changes his mind then I’ll do it alone, and I’ll still be okay.” I moved over to sit next to her. “You know why? Because this won’t be the hardest thing I’ve ever done, the hardest thing was burying Daddy, and watching you grieve.”

My mom’s face crumbled into a sob as she slid over to my lounger and wrapped her arms around me.

“Oh, sweetheart.”

Her tears set off my own and we quietly mourned together as we’d done so much over the past few years—for the loss of my dad, for how much we missed him, and how everything would now be different. A brand-new life we’d have to navigate without him.

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