“Of course.”
Since the day I’d met Tanner, and he’d begun his chase of me, Radley and I had never talked about it beyond being a joke. Because Tanner wasTanner. The reasons I’d kicked him out were exactly all the same reasons why Radley could imagine him in a sex shop asking to be spanked. It was the guy I’d had sex with when he’d made me beg, or ask me to squeeze his cock.
The experienced guy who somehow knew his way around my body better than I did.
He was not the guy I’d come to know. The one who held me while I cried, or came to my appointments and sent me chocolate brownies.
In between the very brief moments when I hadn’t been hurling my guts up the past few days, my mind kept revisiting the conversation we had after my appointment. Thoughconversationwasn’t the right word, seeing as it had been one-sided.
Now my brain was unfogging from the morning sickness, I realized the look he’d given me when he’d accused me of lying, in a roundabout way, was exactly the look he’d thrown at me as he’d left my dorm. That I was full of shit. That I didn’t think we were a mistake, even though my life was upside down because of it.
I couldn’t deny there wasn’t an element of truth in his words. Nor could I say I wasn’t curious to see how he’d prove himself to me, as he seemed hell-bent on doing.
“You know you said you’d never seen Tanner with a girl?”
Radley nodded. “Yeah?”
“Do you mean, like, ever? You’ve nevereverseen him with another girl.”
She paused and sat down on a bench we’d stopped by, then slowly shook her head. “No, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him with another girl. When Lux and I got together last year, Ace was the only one with a girlfriend, and Parker was already hung up on Scout. And the only other girl I’ve ever spent time with in the apartment is Holiday.”
“Had Lux ever mentioned anything?”
“About Tanner?”
I nodded. “About him with other girls.”
“No, I can ask if anything’s happened on their away series, but if they’re anything like Lux, they’re too tired after a game. Why are you asking?”
My cheeks puffed out a sigh. “I don’t know. We had a bit of a weird moment the other day.”
“Like what?”
Sitting back on the bench, I puffed out my cheeks and replayed our conversation, up to the point where Tanner declared his intentions to make surewebecame anus.
“Wow,” she said eventually. “How do you feel about that?”
“I don’t know.” I waved to my belly. “I kind of have a lot on. But he seemed sincere about proving I wasn’t just another girl. I guess I wanted to check he’s telling the truth. He thinks we have something.”
“And what do you think?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. You know I’m not looking for a relationship, I wasn’t when we had sex. It was a momentary lapse in judgment.”
“Was it good?”
My teeth sunk into my lower lip and my brow raised as I looked at her.
“Thatgood?”
“Yeah. And it’s clouding my judgment. Right now he’s teetering on the edge of not being totally annoying to me. It’s probably the hormones messing with my head. I’m still trying to wrap it around the fact I slept with him in the first place. It doesn’t mean anything.”
“Sure, of course itdoesn’t.”
“And it’s normal that I don’t hate the fact he’s not with other girls, right?”
“Yeah, absolutely.”
“That’s what I thought.” I stood up, ignoring the way Radley was staring at me, just like Tanner did. That I was full of shit, I just couldn’t quite admit it. “Come on, we have pregnancy books to buy.”