Page 78 of Home Run

I wanted to buy myself some thinking space. I’d made a mess of things the last time I’d brought it up, and I needed to get it right because Ihadto know what happened, and there would also never be a good time to ask. But we were not in the same space we had been five months ago; we knew each other better. Rinsing my mouthful down with a sip of water, I wiped my hands and sat forward.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Yes.” She nodded.

“What happened the day we first had sex? Why did you freak out?”

“I didn’t freak out,” she answered, so quickly I knew I’d hit a nerve.

“You freaked out.”

Millie let out a deep sigh. “Okay…Maybe I freaked out a little.”

“Was it something I did?” I asked, trying and failing to keep the pretense that I didn’t care from my voice, but I’d thought about that day more than I liked.

“No. No.” She shook her head as she worried her lip. “Not directly.”

“What does that mean?”

She glanced up at me, her chocolatey eyes locking onto mine.

“Millie?” I tried again when she stayed silent.

“Fine. I didn’t want to be on the list.”

“The list? What list?”

“The list of girls you’d slept with.”

I opened my mouth to say something, then closed it again. I wasn’t entirely sure how to respond. I could say there was no list. None I’d made anyway, but I could tell she wasn’t exactly talking about aphysicallist. She didn’t want to be associated with anyone I’d slept with, and I needed to figure out how to explain to her that would nevereverbe the case.

“I’ve seen enough of the baseball life, Tanner. I know how it works. The girls are everywhere.”

I couldn’t disagree. “Yes, they are.”

“I didn’t want to be one of them.” She huffed a laugh, one I didn’t like the sound of, while peering down at her belly. “Idon’twant to be one of them.”

I nodded again, I didn’t blame her. But before she could open her mouth to speak again, I held my hand up to silence her.

“First things first. I’m not going to lie and say I haven’t slept with any of the fans. I have. And last year with Ace andCosmo?—”

“What?”

I waved her off. “Long story, I’ll explain another time. What I’m saying is, yes, there are girls out there I’ve slept with. Just like I’m sure there are guys out there you’ve slept with.” Even muttering those words was like someone had reached into my chest and slowly pulled out my organs. “But since the first time you snarled at me while I was writhing in pain on the floor after being put on my ass by the Secret Service, I have not so much as looked at another woman. But you are not, nor ever will be, on a list of girls I’ve slept with. The only list I have pertains to my future, it’s the only one that matters, and the name at the top isyours. You’re the only name on there.You. My future.”

She didn’t say anything, just stared at me while running her thumb back and forth along her lip. I hoped the words were sinking in with each swipe. I picked up my water glass and sipped.

“Really?” she asked eventually.

“Really. There’s no one else and never has been. I know we’re still getting to know each other, but you can’t deny we’re incredible together. I’ve never had sex like that withanyone else. If you say you have, then I’ll hunt him down and throw him off the Brooklyn Bridge.”

A smile tugged at her lips. “I haven’t.”

“Then what? Our futures are tied together, don’t we owe it to each other to try?”

She pulled an elastic ribbon off her wrist I hadn’t noticed before, and did that thing girls do—securing her hair up in a messy knot thing—without using a brush or mirror, and always managing to make it look so fucking sexy.

“You’re right, our futures are tied together,” she said, rubbing a hand over her belly, “and we’re good now, but what if we mess things up? We have someone else to consider. I don’t want to risk it and cause unnecessary pain. I’ve already had enough to last a lifetime.”

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