Page 58 of As Long As You Kiss Me

Jackson just hoped he’d have some words of wisdom for him. There had to be a way to make things right with Sully. Even if he was the last person to deserve her. But he couldn’t give up on her. He just hoped she’d find a way to forgive him.

But did he even deserve her forgiveness?

Jackson’s dadsurprised him with a pizza from his favorite Italian restaurant in Maple Creek.

“You brought me food?” Jackson asked. “You’re already taking time out of your day to help me. I should be the one providing the nourishment.” He took the box from his dad. “And you got the good stuff.” He peeked inside. “Yes, it’s supreme. You know me all too well.”

“You haven’t seemed like yourself lately,” his dad said.

Jackson took the pizza to the kitchen, dodging stacks of tiling supplies. He still hadn’t ripped up the old linoleum. That was the first thing they needed to do before they could start tiling. “Sully and I broke up the other day.”

“Oh, no. I’m sorry to hear that. I thought you two were going to make it.” His dad settled into the chair next to him.

Jackson opened the pizza box and took out a slice. “I’m not so sure it would have ever really worked out between us.”

His dad’s eyebrows shot up. “Why would you say that?”

Jackson released a pent-up breath. His heart pounded, but he spoke the words he’d been holding in for so long. “Because I was involved in her brother’s death.”

“What?” His dad seemed genuinely shocked. “I hadn’t heard that.”

“I was there on the mission with him.” He told his dad the entire story. “And it was my fault.” His voice was hoarse as he said it.

“No, son. That wasn’t your fault.” His dad put his hand on his. “You can’t be expected to see everything everywhere.”

“It was my job to see that man on the rooftop. I couldn’t even do that right, and now the consequences have destroyed my life.” Jackson gripped the edge of the table as the deep grief hit him hard. A sob wrenched from inside him, and he buried his face in his hands, his pizza momentarily forgotten. “I lost my best friend. He would still be here if I’d only paid closer attention.”

“You’ve been beating yourself up about this for quite some time, haven’t you?” his dad gently asked.

Jackson dug the heel of his hands into his eyes. Everything inside him hurt. “It’s worse now. Because I, told Sully and now she doesn’t want anything to do with me.” Not only had he lost his best friend and injured his foot, effectively ending his military career, he’d also destroyed any chance at love he could have had with the woman of his dreams.

His dad put a hand on his back and patted reassuringly. “You’re not at fault here.”

“Tell that to Sully. I’m sure she hates me now.” Another sob overtook him, and he grabbed a napkin to wipe his eyes.

“Maybe you need to give her a little time. Revisit this after she’s had a chance to accept this new information.”

Waiting sounded impossible. How could he wait to be with the woman he loved? Every moment away from her was torture. But if waiting was what she needed, he loved her enough to give her that. Because it wasn’t about him. It was about her. He’d had this information for a lot of years. She’d just gotten it. It made sense that she would need a little space.

On the other hand, she may never want to be with him after learning the truth. He couldn’t blame her if she felt that way.

“Have you thought about going to therapy for this, son?”

“I never wanted to. I just stored it in a part of my mind that I never revisited.”

“There’s a really good lady in town you could go see. I’ve heard great things about her. I can get you her information if you feel like you’re ready to heal.”

Jackson released the fear in his chest. It would be scary, but much needed. “Sure. I’ll go see her.” Especially if it meant he could fix things with Sully.

“What are you going to do about Sully?” his dad asked.

“I’ll try to reach out to her next week and see how she feels,” Jackson said. He didn’t want to wait too long to revisit the issue with her. He couldn’t bear to be away from her, and he needed to check back in with her to see if she even needed the space.

“Going to therapy will help, but it won’t be an overnight cure. It sounds like you have some pretty bad PTSD.” His dad picked up another piece of pizza and took a big bite.

“I’ve known for a long time that I have PTSD. But I’ve been managing it on my own.”

“The therapist I know does a therapy called EMDR. It’s been proven to be an excellent method to treat PTSD. But I heard it can be really tough to face your darkest memories.”

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