Page 13 of The Rebel's Guide to Pride

The JACass’s face flushed scarlet, and I jutted my jaw in defiance as the mayor continued. “The folks of Beggs have spoken up,” he declared, ignoring my outburst, “and it’s my job to listen. I’ve revoked the permit for today’s festivities. Please remove your materials from city property within the next hour or be fined.”

A cacophony of boos erupted around us, but the mayor just smiled and exited the pavilion. My father didn’t spare me a second glance as he followed. Didn’t even attempt to explain himself.

“What’re we gonna do?” Kennedy asked, a quiver in her voice.

“I guess we have to break stuff down and clean,” Cohen muttered. He ran a hand through his messy hair, shoulders slumping in defeat. “The last thing we need right now is to get in trouble.”

Troublerattled in my brain as Sawyer blinked furiously. “This is total bullshit,” she said, her words vibrating with rage. “He’s only doing this because of the backlash from the town. Because he wants the small-minded votes at the Founder’s Day election. So he can stay in office and keep…keep…”

She fell silent as too many voices called out to her for advice. The vendors asked Kennedy what they needed to do, asked Cohen where to move the parade floats. Nobody paid me any attention as all three of them searched for the words to say. Because they had organized today on their own, worked hard to make it possible. And all I had to show for it was guilt. Maybe if I had helped more, or maybe if I still talked to my father, I would’ve known what was happening. Maybe I could have warned them.

“I guess this means Pride is over,” Sawyer finally said.

She sounded helpless, and her eyes watered behind her glasses. It only intensified my anger. My head spun with more curveballs.Are you even paying attention? We need more people like you to raise their voice.But Mom’s voice sounded like the bat cracking with a hit—You never know who’s listening, so be proud.

“Be proud,” I said aloud, chasing away any uncertainty.

I didn’t want to accept this, didn’t want to keep being a fraud. What I needed was to be free of this town and my father. Face the fears he’d engrained in me. Be like Zelda Fitzgerald, a rebel who never let anyone stop her from doing what she wanted and lived her own life and partied in speakeasies…

Wait.

Something snagged in the back of my mind, and memories flashed: the portrait at Roaring Mechanics; my mom throwing a speakeasy party for the grand opening; her pride over her accomplishment; my father, who’d stopped her dream for years; how he’d held a hand up to stop me. That JACass and the mayor and this shitty town were all doing the same exact thing, and…

A speakeasy,I thought, glancing to where my father had stood on the pavilion with the mayor.What if…What if Pride was a secret celebration too?

The idea of defying the ordinance felt more and more right with each excited thump of my heart. I turned to Sawyer, tears spilling down her cheeks. She had worked hard to make today happen. So had Kennedy and Cohen and the bookstore lady and everyone else who had signed that petition. I needed to show them I was here too. I’d joined the QSA to prove I was the best worst type of gay person, and this was finally my chance to speak up.

“No,” I said, raising my voice. “We’re gonna celebrate Pride anyway.”

Chapter 6

“Hey, Zeke.”

I gripped the rainbow piñata as someone said my name, bracing for the inevitable. Everyone kept asking questions I couldn’t answer. They all looked to me as though I was a leader like Sawyer, but they were wrong. I was just…me. I didn’t immediately have a response when someone asked where we’d host the secret Pride celebration. It had been that lady—Carmen Bedolla—who stepped up and offered the basement of Estrella Books. When? Kennedy had suggested nine p.m. without missing a beat, claiming it would give us enough time to get set up. And now…

I glanced down from my perch on the ladder. A woman stared up at me, adjusting a Bama Slammers hockey hat over her fiery curls. “How are we supposed to make a dance floor?” she asked. “There isn’t a lot of space down here.”

“I, uh,” I tried, floundering. The downstairs of the bookstore was a narrow room with bricked arches. Inventoryshelves lined the walls, while worktables were scattered along the center.What the hell was I thinking?I groaned inwardly, eyeing the back exit.I should just dip out—

“Nora, have those guys from Ryland Farms move the tables to one end,” Sawyer jumped in. Her brain had immediately shifted to focus mode when we arrived, while mine couldn’t keep up. “That’ll create space in the center.”

I watched the woman go, picking at the rainbow papier-mâché. Nervous energy filled me like it had when Sawyer and I had argued in the children’s section upstairs all those years ago. There’d been this air of intimidation about her when we’d read the X-Men graphic novel together.She’ddecided when to turn the page, whether I was done reading or not. Now she was taking charge yet again.

“Once you get this hung up,” Sawyer instructed, “we need to bring down the sound system from Kennedy’s truck.”

“Right,” I said, my voice clipped. I cautiously climbed another rung.It’s not that high.

A beat passed as I wobbled on the ladder, and then she asked, “Are you okay, Z?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” A deep breath. “It’s just six feet off the ground. That’s, like, the same height as me.”

“Not the ladder,” she said. “I meant, are you okay after…you know…your dad and the mayor?”

I inhaled, gathering myself as I glanced down. She stood tall, and not only because of her chunky-heeled Docs. I could see her favorite shirt with the SAPPHIC WARRIOR graphic peeking out from the bib of her shortalls. She was the epitome of Pride, and I felt like a fraud standing next to her.

“Likewhywas he even there?” she pressed.

“The mayor?” I forced a grin, but she narrowed her eyes. This was neither the time nor place to discuss my father. If I told her everything, she’d go into her bully-with-kindness mode and push me to fix it. And I didn’t need any more doubt weighing me down. “I haven’t spoken to him since April, so I dunno.”

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