Page 36 of The Rebel's Guide to Pride

She was deliberately holding a grudge against me, when really, I should’ve been holding one against her. Even after they’d completely left me out of planning for Pride, I’d come through and saved the day.What else do I have to do to prove myself?

“Any more sign-ups for the QSA?” I pressed, watching her ignore me. “I know the principal has that new rule about needing twenty members.”

Finally, she lifted her face from her phone screen. Surprise melted her icy attitude. “No, we haven’t…” She trailed off, but I knew she wanted to ask how I knew about the rule.

“Cohen told me,” I explained. “In the middle of verbally trashing me.”

“What is it with you two?” she asked with an eye roll. “Are youstillbitter over Geometry Derick—”

“Why didn’t you tell me about the new rule?” I cut in. She went silent, twirling a lock of her hair. The blue tips spun while she bit her bottom lip in thought. Then I remembered how Cohen had texted the wrong thread on Pride Day. “And why did y’all start a new group chat and leave me out?”

“Z,” she began with a sigh, “I know you don’t care. Or you didn’t until now, I guess.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” I sat up straighter, angling toward her as Cohen’s words stirred in my memory.You’re not really present.

She gave me a condescending shrug. “You’ve never shown much interest in the QSA or celebrating Pride before now.”

“You…you really think I don’t care?” I asked over the swell of guilt.

“I guess I just don’t get why now you’re all suddenly into Pride.”

“Uh…” I couldn’t find the words to make her understand she had it right in all the wrong ways.

“Is it because Mason’s into it?”

“No, it’s not—”

“Being out and proud because it fits your new personality,” she started, gesturing from my long hair down to the rainbow on my T-shirt, “that’s not what it’s about, Zeke. The first Pride was an uprising, and if you haven’t noticed, we’re still being forced to fight for our rights.”

My hands fisted, fingernails digging into my palms at the accusation. “Sawyer,” I said through a steady breath, trying to find the words to explain everything I’d kept from her for so many years. How the JACass had ruled my life like a dictator. How I was told that I couldn’t be out like her. “It has been really hard for me, okay?”

“And it hasn’t been hard for me?” she retorted. “I hear the shit they say about me, see the looks they give me when I’m not acting textbook femme. Being a lesbian in this small-ass town isn’t easy either.”

“That’s not what—”

“And Kennedy, do you think it’s easy for her?”

I shook my head, too many thoughts buzzing in my mind, and glared at her. “Why are you biting my head off?”

“I’m not—”

“Are you reallythatpissed about the speakeasy?” I inserted. And before she could answer: “So what? You’re gonna sit there and bulldoze me like we’re back in middle school?”

Her eyes went wide, and I knew I’d struck a nerve. “I’m the QSApresident,and you didn’t even discuss it with me before making plans for the club,” she said heatedly and too quickly, as though she’d rehearsed for this very moment. “In fact, you didn’t discussanythingwith me before deciding we were doing a month of speakeasies.”

“Saw, c’mon.” I laughed, trying to defuse the situation, and brought my hand to my chest. “It was just an Insta post. I didn’t do it on purpose, titty promise. I’m sorry—”

“It was a total simp-for-attention move, and you know it.” She closed her eyes and exhaled roughly. I could tell she was trying to mask how hurt she was. “Are you even taking this seriously?”

I’m trying!I yelled inwardly. “Look, I wasn’t trying to offend you,” I said with forced calmness. “It was because of my—”

She cut me off. “I bet you didn’t even consider the safety of everyone at the nature lodge.”

“Whatan astute observation,” I said sarcastically, standing from the sofa before I lost my temper. She wasn’t in the mood to let me explain myself. And I was on the verge of blowing up like I had with Cohen. It didn’t matter if the rangers had ensured everyone’s safety when they’d offered, or that I was doing all this to prove to Sawyer and the QSA that Iwasgood enough. “I’m gonna dip out.”

“Are you for real right now?” she shot back. “Kennedy isn’t even here yet, and we have to get this plan in place, especially since you already announced it.”

“Don’t worry about it,” I said, holding back what I really wanted to say. That I couldn’t sit here and let them both shit all over me. That I was so pissed I was seeing red. That I refused to let anyone tell me what to do, how to be. “I’ll figure it out since it’smyfault.”

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