Page 60 of The Rebel's Guide to Pride

Panic surged through me.

My lungs burned.

I was suffocating.

The lid of the shoebox closed over me, and my vision went dark. I reached out to steady myself but slumped against the closet door. The pressure in my chest was swelling. I couldn’t—

Breathe,I told myself. My heart ached, my chest threatening to explode with each agonizing thud. The shop slid sideways, and I was on the floor. Hurt rattled my brain as I finally inhaled with a gasp, with the jarring realization of what this meant.

If I’d just stayed silent like my father had wanted, if I’dstopped actingso gay…then none of this would have happened. I had wanted to prove I was good enough, but all I’d done was screw everything up. I was the reason Mayor Buchanan had rolled out his new One Lifestyle ordinance, and even if the QSA got enough sign-ups, there wasn’t a chance in hell he’d allow—

The sound of keys jingling in the lock cut through the noise in my head, and then the door opened. I lay there as my breaths quickened.How long have I been here?I wondered in confusion, and then:Oh my god, Mom.

I listened to her steps as she crossed toward the staircase up to the apartment. Her pace got slower, and then an intake of breath. “Anthony Zeke Chapman!” she yelled, her voice racing up the stairs. “Get down here right now!”

Fuck.

“Mom,” I tried to say, sitting up. My voice was uneven, and I cleared the emotion from it. “I’m sorry.”

She spun around with irritation burning in her eyes. “What the…” Her words fell short, and then she was striding toward me. “Hun, are you okay?” she asked, the fury receding. “You’re crying.”

I am?Reaching up, I felt the wetness on my cheeks. “Sorry, Mom,” I said. “I’m…I’m…” More tears came then. Because I wasn’t okay. Nothing was okay.

“Zeke,” she began with concern, “what happened?”

“I messed…everything…up,” I managed to say through labored breaths. “I’m…sorry.”

She eased down to her knees, her eyes locking on mine. “Take a breath,” she instructed.

I inhaled, wiping at the tears and snot. Exhaled until mylungs emptied and my chest felt hollow. She rubbed my arm as I repeated myself, patiently waiting for me to explain. There was no getting out of it, out of everything that had gone down.Not after last night.I took another deep breath and launched into an explanation. How I’d had the idea to have speakeasies after the mayor canceled Pride Day, and how they’d got out of hand. How it was about more than just us volunteering at the rec center, and how the mayor’s rally had proved my father right.

“No, hewasn’tright,” she corrected.

“He warned me,” I countered. “Maybe if I’d kept quiet—”

“Staying quiet isn’t the answer,” she interrupted. “You did the right thing.”

“How?” I turned toward her in disbelief, gesturing at the wrecked garage. “Howis this right?”

“Maybe not this,” she said while she eyed the broken mirror ball. “And don’t think you’re not insomuch trouble for doing it either, but you did what was right.”

“No…I’m the reason for the One Lifestyle ordinance.”Recklessanddangerous.Sawyer was right. I just wanted to be helpful, and now I’d ruined everything.

“Don’t blame yourself for that, Zeke.” She wiped away a tear from my cheek. “I know what’s happening in Beggs is awful, just like all the other crap happening in Alabama. This would’ve happened regardless of you making space for yourself…and ruining my mechanic shop in the process.”

“Sorry about that,” I said quickly. “Really. I wasn’t thinking, and…why are you smiling?”

“Because you stood up for yourself the only way you knewhow, and it makes sense.” She laughed, each chuckle a long exhale. “You’re just like me. And I know you’ll keep fighting.”

I snorted once in a hiccup of emotion. “Does that mean I’m off the hook?”

“Absolutely not,” she deadpanned. “There are rules about kids having parties while their parents are away. You’re gonna have to clean all this up.”

“Okay, fair.” I chewed on my lip, looking around the shop. It would take a few hours to fix the mess I’d made here, but I needed to fix another one too. “Is it okay if I go hang out with Sawyer when I get done?”

“Zeke—”

“I need to apologize,” I rushed before she could deny me. “For what I did. I need to own up to it.”

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