Behind her, Noah was taking a shower.
They’d arrived late on Monday night and crashed. Now she was wide awake in the early hours, unable to shake the stone of anxiety wedged in her gut.
None of her staff at La Carezza had been able to reach the manufacturers. And since Warren had taken direct responsibility for fostering a relationship with the Hong Kong part of her business, she was operating in the dark, with the threat of his evil presence lingering.
She turned from the view and smiled at the sound of running water. Noah had probably fallen asleep leaning against the shower wall. The stamina he’d demonstrated during the flight had been nothing short of Olympic. She hadn’t beensurprised when he’d fallen into a coma-like sleep minutes after they’d checked in. Grimacing that her anxiety was what had woken him, she crossed the suite to go check on him and stopped when she saw his wallet on the floor.
Picking it up, she walked to the dresser, her fingers caressing the expensive leather. Almost unbidden, Ashley’s smug voice exploded from deep within her subconscious.
…he asked for a copy of the scan to keep in his wallet…
She bit her lip. What she was contemplating was wrong, but her fingers moved anyway. She opened his wallet and plucked out the ultrasound scan before she could stop herself. Hands shaking, she held it up to the light.
The arms, legs and head were distinguishable but the rest was still a blob.
A desperately precious blob… A piece of Noah she would never be able to create with him… Knowing he would be a brilliant father made her heart swell with joy for him.
Even while savage pain ripped through her soul.
“What are you doing?” Noah’s deep voice vibrated from behind her.
She jumped, dropping the scan and wallet.
Slowly, he bent and picked up the photo. His eyes narrowed at her. “How did you know this was in there?”
“Ashley…”
His nostrils flared. “She told you about it the day she came to see you?”
“Yes,” she replied.
He looked down at the picture for a moment, then back at her. “What else did she say?”
“She said you were going to commit to her and the baby sooner or later and I was… standing in your way.”
He cursed. “That’s why you cancelled on me that night?”
Her breath shuddered out. Suddenly cold, she folded her arms.
“I told myself I was just coming to you for the sex, but even then I knew it was a lie. Just as I knew right from the start that it was wrong to dream of any sort of future with you. But I went ahead and did it anyway. Her visit reminded me that I could never give you this, that I would never hold your babies… It didn’t matter whether you would want that with me or not. All I could see was the black hole of nothingness…” A sob escaped before she could stop it. “It kills me, Noah. And when you told me you wanted to be a father… It was foolish, I know. God, we’d only known each other less than a week and I was already building you into my future, had already imprinted you so indelibly into my life that I ignored the one thing I could never ask you to overlook.”
“Leia…”
She closed her eyes and squeezed the words out. “It’s okay. You have that now…”
“Just shut the fuck up for a minute?—”
She shook her head. “You have a baby on the way. Anytime this gets too heavy for you, just tell me and I’ll… I’ll step aside.”
He inhaled sharply. “You’d walk away from me? Again?”
“If that’s what you want. I know I can never be a whole woman for you.”
“Leia.” The rough gravity in his voice made her eyes pop open. He’d paled and his face was a mask of tortured resignation.
“If I couldn’t give you children, would you walk away from me?” he asked bleakly.
She frowned. “What? Of course not…”