Page 54 of Kill Your Darlings

“What do you mean?”

“Remember when we took that walk across Harvard last week? She saw us. She was in her car at a crosswalk and we walked by.”

“What did she say?” Ariel sounded genuinely alarmed.

“Oh, nothing much. A little hurt that I hadn’t told her that you and I were friends.”

What Wendy had actually said, after grilling Thom and getting him to admit that they’d been meeting up for heart-to-heart talks for a few weeks now, was that she’d prefer it if he just fucked her and got it over with.

“You wouldn’t mind?” Thom had asked.

Wendy made the face he’d seen a few times in the last year, a face that seemed to say that he was about one and a half steps behind her, and said, “I wouldn’t be happy about it, but all I’m saying is that it’s preferable to you getting a new best friend that wants to know everything about your life.”

Thom, wanting to change the subject from his wife, asked Ariel about Alun, her boyfriend.

“What about him?”

“Does he know about us?”

“No. But it doesn’t really matter.”

“Why doesn’t it matter?”

“Because I’m not in love with Alun.”

Less than a week later, Ariel, dressed only in a pair of boxer shorts, her head against his chest on the sofa, said, “We just made a mistake, didn’t we?”

“If it was, it was a very nice mistake.”

“But you feel guilty, I can tell.”

“Are you sure you’re not projecting?”

“I’m definitely projecting,” Ariel said. “I feel very guilty. I only met Wendy once but I liked her.”

“You’re not responsible for her. I am.”

“I know, but it doesn’t make me feel any better about it. And it’s not just her, it’s me. I didn’t cheat on Alun, but I think I just cheated on God a little bit. Does that make sense?”

“Not really.”

“Remember when I told you I started to speak to God because I was lonely?”

“Yes.”

“Well, I think you made me realize that I’m still lonely, even with God in my life.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It’s not your fault. And it’s not your fault that this is over.”

“What do you mean?”

“We’re over, right? Now that we’ve done this.”

Thom felt the lie rising in him, but stopped himself from saying it. “I think so,” he said. “I’ll miss you, though.”

“I’ll miss you too.”

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