Page 83 of Kill Your Darlings

“They’re close by, I think,” Thom said. “We’ll be okay.”

But once all the students were back on the sidewalk in front of the restaurant, being given instructions about where they could go and where they couldn’t, Thom started to have his doubts. For one, itwas dusk, the only light in the sky a line of pink on the horizon, and even though he’d said the steps were close, he didn’t really know that for a fact. For all he knew, Georgetown was a massive neighborhood. Still, the important thing was that Wendy was by his side and they were on a mission. It wasn’t scary here in Georgetown. It reminded him a little bit of Quincy Market in Boston, where his parents had taken him the previous summer. Except that here in Georgetown the streets were filled with students strolling in and out of bars, smoking cigarettes, wearing scarves. At home, Thom was allowed to watch only PBS so he’d recently seen a long, interesting series calledBrideshead Revisited, a show that had, among other things, made him want to grow up and be a part of that world. One of cocktails and cigarettes and love affairs. This was what Georgetown felt like to him. It felt classy and adult, and far away from his own life. And Wendy was by his side.

“Which way should we go?” he said as the other students began to disperse.

“The steps have to be that way, right?”

She was looking in the direction she was pointing in, and Thom could see her neck, how beautiful it was, and had a moment of almost dizzying clarity, that his life was going to be filled with the pain of romance. And then MissAckles, in a denim skirt and a rainbow sweater, came up to the two of them and said, “Not thinking of sneaking off to find those steps, are you?”

“Who, us?” Thom said, holding out his hands, trying to make it sound like a joke and immediately feeling regretful of that decision.

“Do you know where they are, MissAckles?” Wendy said.

“Come with me, you two, but don’t tell anyone. I don’t want to get in trouble.”

Miss Ackles walked ahead, and Thom and Wendy followed. They crossed the main avenue, then kept going down a dimly lit side street. Thom and Wendy were walking close to each other, andThom, his heart beginning to thud in his chest, extended his hand so that it brushed up against hers. He expected her to move away, but, instead, she slid her hand into his, interlocking their fingers. The sensation was so intense that for a moment Thom thought he might actually stop breathing, but his legs continued to move, and Miss Ackles, reaching an intersection, hesitated for a moment, then pointed. “There they are.”

Thom and Wendy stopped holding hands, and Wendy said, her voice totally normal, “Seriously? Oh my God.” It was the most animated Thom had seen her since the bus. She skipped over to the top of the very long flight of steps that seemed carved out from the city around them. Since Thom hadn’t seenThe Exorcist, except for theMADmagazine version of it, plus the more vivid one in his own head, the steps seemed both scarier and less scary than he’d imagined. In his mind they were incredibly steep, dangerously so, and while these steps seemed steep, it wasn’t exactly like standing on the side of a cliff. But what made them scarier than he’d imagined was how close the building was on one side, the way it made the open steps almost claustrophobic, like a tunnel.

“I’ll let you two have your moment,” MissAckles said. “Don’t blame me if you both get possessed by the devil.”

Wendy, wide grin on her face, pulled Thom in closer to her. “Are they how you imagined?”

“They’re scary,” Thom said. “Do you want to run down them and back up?”

“No, I’m happy just looking at them from here,” Wendy said.

“Okay. They are pretty scary just to look at.”

“Do you need me to hold your hand again?”

Thom opened his mouth to respond, but nothing came out. Wendy whispered, “Sorry. I’m not making fun of you. I like you.”

“I like you too,” Thom said, and moved closer. Wind was swirling lightly up the steps and Wendy’s hair touched the side of his cheek.He really was dizzy, the stairs yawning in his vision, Wendy’s fingers sliding between his again. He turned his head toward Wendy, hoping she would do the same.

iii

Wendy turned to Thom Graves, the boy who was desperate to kiss her. She had decided to let him. It was already such a great night, with MissAckles taking them to see the steps, and being in this cool city, and now it even looked as though she had a boyfriend. He didn’t move his head, so she moved hers, and their lips met. It was awkward, but it also felt good. Thom put his free hand on her waist and kissed her harder, and she couldn’t help it but she giggled and they stopped kissing. “That was really nice,” she said, because he was a little pale and his eyes were big.

“That was my first kiss,” he said.

“Mine too,” Wendy lied.

“All right, you two, I think we should get going now.” Thom stepped back and glanced in the direction of MissAckles, who was about twenty feet away, her back turned, looking up at one of the brick buildings.

“We should probably go,” Wendy said. “I don’t want to get MissAckles in trouble.”

“Okay,” Thom said. “These steps are pretty cool, though.”

“Yeah, they are,” Wendy said.

MissAckles was coming back toward them, a smile on her pretty face. “Was it all you hoped it would be?” she said.

“Yeah,” Wendy said. Miss Ackles walked ahead of them, back toward the rest of the group. Thom’s and Wendy’s hands were intertwined again, and Wendy thought about how she’d lied about the kiss being her first. But she hadn’t really lied, because tonight had beenher first good kiss. The best kiss. She pulled herself closer into Thom, thrilled suddenly to be alive. It was like being introduced to a room in her house that she’d never been shown before. Thom said, quietly, only to her, “I feel like we’re in a movie.”

Yes, she thought. It’s like that too.

iv

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