Page 112 of Goldsin

I’m not safe. I don’t feel safe in my own skin.

My chest tightens, lips tingling before numbing completely.

I keep pushing forward.Just one more step, I repeat to myself.

One more ste?—

My breathing quickens, too fast for me to catch a breath. I’m choking on too much air.

I can’t breathe!

A stinging sensation spreads across my chest, downmy arms, until all I want to do is peel off my skin. A vortex of searing numbness consumes me. I’m feeling so much of nothing that I’m left staggering on my feet. I collapse onto my side, pressing all of my weight into the wall as I struggle not to fall. But it’s no use. I may be standing, but my insides are turning in on themselves.

I clutch my hand to my chest, trying to calm my rapid heart and the searing panic attack, but my hand falls to the pin still there, and the corridor starts to swirl around me. I’m ripping it off before I can control myself. The metal sound it makes as it bounces on the floor rings in my ears.

But it’s not enough.

Broken sobs break out of my mouth as an unbearable tension grows in my head, and I fear I might implode. I shut my eyes, but the darkness awaiting behind them only feeds this pounding sense of loneliness.

I feel so utterly alone in all of this.She left me alone with the heavy burden of her vengeance.

Loathing spreads through my veins as my arms and my legs begin to tingle uncontrollably. I hate her for coming here. I hate her for loving Lucian, even if short-lived. And I hate her for leaving me.

I’m heaving by the time those thoughts take shape in my mind, sweat dripping down my temples to my neck, when the consuming sensation of guilt washes over me and I let out the most gut-wrenching scream.

I wish she never had me. I wish she let Lucian kill me like he wanted to. I wish she didn’t love me so profoundly.

Warmth touches my cheeks, delicately, and my eyesspring open, gaze colliding with worried eyes. Julian’s warm hands frame my face as he observes me. He isn’t wearing his mask, and I can see all the lines of concern etched into his expression.

Help me. Please help me.

My eyes plead with his, but rasping is the only sound that comes out of me as I dig my nails into his hands, clinging to him in the hope he won’t disappear.

“Look at me,” he urges. “What happened?” He sweeps his eyes over me as he searches for the answer.

I move my hand to my neck and tap there, under the wound Lucian gave me. My vision is blurring with tears, but I still catch the way his eyes darken the moment he sees.

“I-I can’t b-breathe.”

“Did Lucian do this to you?” he demands, the veins in his neck announcing the rage coursing through him.

More tears get soaked in his hands as I nod my head. I try to tell him everything, but my voice wavers between sobs and hiccups. Nothing coherent manages to come out.

His eyes flick back and forth between mine before a veil falls over his expression. He lifts me into his arms and leads me to his bedroom. The stroke of his fingers on my back pulls some of the weight off my chest, but the sense of hopelessness persists.

I don’t think it’ll ever leave.

We arrive at his bedroom, and he gently places me on his bed before locking his bedroom door. I don’t feel trapped in this room; I feel trapped inside my own skin.

Julian falls to his knees and moves between my legs,leveling his stare with mine while he cautiously covers my eyes with his hands.

“Wh-what are you doing?” Panic slowly rises as I’m left alone with my thoughts. “Julian?” I move my head back, but he doesn’t take his hands away.

“What do you see?”

I see Lucian’s mouth arching into a menacing laugh. I see my mother crying on the floor. I see her body hanging from the ceiling or trembling at his feet. I see her holding a little version of me in her arms. Then I see her regrets as they become mine.

“Aurelia.” Julian’s voice brings me back. “What do you see?”

---