Page 135 of Goldsin

Our heartbeats sync as I cling to her.

Then I feel her muscles loosen. Her sigh of relief breezes through my hair, and I pull back enough to whisper in her ear. Enough to let the venom set in.

“Pray she survives.”

Her body tenses.

I grip her arm harder, not caring if it bruises. “For your own sake.”

I turn around and leave her apartment.

The sun is slowly beginning to rise, devouring the night sky as I head to the hospital, swaying between cars with my bike.

Light may be stretching its way through the buildings, but it’s not enough to reach the darkness raging within me.

————————————

The muscles of my legs strain as I pace back and forth, my footsteps silent against the bland linoleum floor.

The sterile scent of the hospital burns my nose, the white furniture blinding me.

If I have to stay one more hour in this waiting room, I’ll go insane.

“Julian.”

Adrian’s voice cuts through the tension coiling tightly within me.

“She’s out of surgery. She’s resting now. The doctor said we can bring her back home tomorrow, but she’ll need bed rest for the next two weeks.”

His eyes are underlined with shadows, heavy from the past five hours. The concern and fear are gone, but their mark remains.

“None of this should have happened in the first place.” I clench my fists at the image of her bleeding on the floor, her gasps echoing through my mind. “If only I hadn’t let my guard down ...”

“Hey,” he snaps. The weight of his hands on my shoulders follows next. “This isn’t your fault. You couldn’t have known what would happen.”

His words force me to look at him.

“Couldn’t I?” I whisper. I was angry before, but now I only feel guilt. It’s heavy as it presses down on me like concrete. “I should have seen it coming. Aurelia ... she warned me. And I didn’t listen.”

The waiting room isn’t the issue—I could pace the length of it for days to come. It’s what’s inside of me that will crush me to death if I don’t share the weight with someone else.

“Wait ... Aurelia knew about this?” Adrian’s fingers dig into me. “How? What did she say?”

I shake my head, unable to meet his interrogating gaze.

I can’t tell him.

“Julian, talk to me.” He shakes me. The actioninspires flashbacks of me shaking Mom’s fragile body as I tried to keep her awake.

I feel the weight in my chest pressing down again. Like clay, it takes the shape of my insides as it resides there.

“What did Aurelia know?”

The memory of her standing before me, eyes laced with tears as she asked for my forgiveness, haunts me.

The weight amasses, becoming unbearable.

“Enough,” I hear myself murmur. “She knew enough.”

---