Page 41 of Loving A Vampire Is Total Chaos

“How do you know? You said you don’t know me, and I happen to love getting kinky in the bedroom.” Yanking his pointer finger out from under my hand he goes back to eating his dinner.

Antics done, we continue to devour the delicious dinner. At one point I have to restrain myself from wiping sauce off his face when it smears on his cheek. I swear he’s like a little kid when he eats, the food goes everywhere but his mouth. After packing our empty plates back in the basket, I hit Zav with another request.

“Tell me a truth.”

Rubbing my hands on my suddenly chilled arms under my jacket I pull my knees up to my chest. I rest my head on them and watch as he eyes me suspiciously.

“A truth? I thought we were already doing that.” He scoots slightly closer to me on the blanket as if I won’t know. The man seems to have a pressing need to be touching me.

“Firstly, you were simply saying whatever I was saying. Secondly, I know you’re a jokester and like to keep things light, but I want an actual truth from you.” Rain pounds harder on the surrounding glass and I watch it slide down the panes. “It could be serious, maybe even a little painful.” My eyes meet his as he watches me discerningly. “It’s a safe space here but I want something real if we’re going to know each other.”

He seems to be running through answers in his head as he looks toward the ceiling. I give him the time he needs to formulate whatever he wants to tell me. I’m not sure what made me ask this of him but for all his jokes I can see pain hidden beneath them. I know firsthand how hard holding onto those kinds of emotions can be and when you can lighten the load by sharing them with someone else it helps just a little bit.

“My parents died, and I didn’t get to say goodbye.” Zav adjusts his seated position to where our sides rest against eachother in a search for silent comfort. I press myself a little harder against him in encouragement. “We were estranged at the time, and I knew they didn’t have long due to an illness. It was absolutely heartbreaking letting them leave this Earth knowing I’d never see them again and yet not doing anything about it either.”

Our pinkies touch beneath the blanket, and I wrap mine around his just like I did not too long ago. His chest stutters at my touch and his head turns toward mine waiting for my reaction to his admission.

“Why didn’t you go to them?” He must’ve had a reason especially if he’s this broken up about it.

“I couldn’t.” Zav tightens his hold on my finger, his Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows down a wave of emotions. “Circumstances out of my control prevented it from happening.” His head drops and I’ve never seen the lively man look so sad before.

I want to press further on what those circumstances were, but I feel his guard rising the more he talks about it.

“If I could go back, I’d spend as much time as possible with them as I could before the sickness took hold. I suppose even that was out of my control.” He loses himself in the memory before he shakes it off and gives me a sad smile. “Well, this date is going downhill real fast. Sorry for being a downer.”

“Not a downer.” I shake my head. “Thank you for your truth, Zav. I guess it’s my turn now?”

“Celine, you don’t ha—” He goes to stop me, but I insist.

“No, no it’s only fair if you shared a truth that I do too.” Zavier closes his mouth and sits silently waiting for me to continue.

“Sometimes I think I’m doomed to live an endless cycle of people pleasing. Ava pointed out to me recently that’s what I am—a people pleaser—and she’s right. My mom abandoning mydad and I, then him leaving me in his own way has done more damage on my psyche than I like to acknowledge. I know it’s not his fault, but sometimes it still feels that way.” I give a mirthless laugh. “Part of why I find it hard to say no to Ava is for that reason. The few people I have in my life and care about, I struggle to go against them because I worry they’ll leave me. Stupid, I know.”

“Don’t say that.” Zav growls after my confession. “It’s not stupid and you’re valid in everything you’re feeling.” He speaks like he has his own experience with the pain.

“That’s not the only thing, though.” I bite my lip trying to hold the words inside, but I fail. “I’m not sure how I feel about my job. I’m slowly coming to the realization it’s yet another piece of my dad I’ve been trying to hold onto. Being a detective was his thing, and he was so good at it.” I picture Captain Barnes’s face, full of expectation. “It’s a high stress job and the burden of his legacy feels so lofty.”

“What would you do otherwise?” Zav asks quietly.

“I’m not sure. I love the gym I box at, so maybe something with teaching other women self-defense?” I murmur and stroke the fabric of my skirt until it lays straight on my leg. “It’s been a long time since I’ve thought about whatIwant.”

Long fingers gently lift my chin, and I let my gaze wander over his masculine features before settling on his eyes.

Our faces slowly creep closer to one another’s before a startingly loud thunderclap sounds and I jump. The building almost feels like it quakes, but I know that can’t be true. It’s more likely me that’s trembling at Zav’s proximity.

I can deny my feelings, my attraction, all I want but the truth is I’m drawn to this man in a way I’ve never been to another person.

“Should we go see if we can spot some lightning?” I clear my throat and stand up, the somber mood disappearing like a popped balloon.

Zavier’s footsteps echo lightly as he follows me. We step out onto the Ledge deck and peek over at the view below. An unbelievably beautiful sight greets us, and the pouring rain adds to the ambience of the whole scene. A grid of thousands of lights in various colors, mostly yellows and oranges, stretch as far as the eye can see. Having the view surround us completely including under our feet is breathtaking. Even though it’s a touristy thing, seeing it now with nobody else in the room is pretty magical.

“What do you think?” I ask Zav without taking my eyes off the view in front of me.

“Beautiful.”

“Isn’t the view spectacular?” I gush and trace a falling raindrop on the glass with my finger.

“Magnificent.” I feel his stare on me as he says it and fight off the blush wanting to stain my cheeks.

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