Page 17 of The Chemist

Shit. Now Diesel felt even more like a complete asshole. Why did the man insist on taking care of him? He would have dumped his own pathetic ass ages ago. But for some fucked-up reason, Matteo insisted on trying to take care of him.

Looking back over at his best friend, he realized what a selfish thing it was that he’d just done. The guys didn’t deserve to be put through all this bullshit, especially because of him. They deserved to live their happy lives with their perfect partners and not give a second thought about the dark cloud that was Diesel.

“Look. If you’re gonna creep me while I sleep, at least make yourself comfortable in this massive bed. Don’t worry, we don’t have to cuddle.”

Eying the big open space next to Diesel, Jared smiled.

“You better not let any rip while you sleep,” Jared said as he jogged around to the other side of the bed.

And that, right there, is why Diesel did not find Jared sexy in the least. Call him old-fashioned, but any sex partners he had did not make sounds with any part of their lower body.

Turning to face the window, Diesel felt the bed sink as Jared’s massive body slid into the space next to him.

His eyes opened once again when he felt Jared’s arms wrap themselves around him. Jared pulled him up against his body and snuggled his chin into the crook of his neck.

“Don’t ever do that to us again,” Jared whispered into his ear.

For the second time in his life, Diesel felt loved and cared for.

“I won’t,” Diesel promised, closing his eyes and falling asleep in his best friend’s arms.

6

DIESEL

The next morning, as expected, Diesel got the thrashing of a lifetime. Matteo paced the room, seething, asking a million questions that Diesel didn’t want to answer or have a reasonable explanation for.

It was clear from Matteo’s tone that he was frustrated and pissed. He was a powerful man, always in control, and with Diesel, he didn’t have any of that. Diesel was unpredictable, out of control, and did whatever he wanted.

Yet, still, for some reason, Matteo insisted on holding on to him.

“I just don’t get it. Do you know how dangerous going on a bender like that can be? What if you overdose? What if you catch some disease? You don’t even know what’s going on half the time around you; anyone can do anything to you, and you wouldn’t even know!” Matteo’s blue eyes blazed with the fury of a thousand suns.

Diesel knew better than to say anything. While he might like pushing Matteo’s buttons or talking back to him when warranted, seeing how angry and upset Matteo was right now,Diesel had too much respect for the man to show him any sort of lip.

Taking a seat on the bed, Matteo rested his elbows on his lap and lowered his head.

“Diesel, you got to help me out here. I think of you as one of my sons, and it kills me every time I have to go searching for you whenever you go on one of these benders. I’m terrified that one day I will find you dead, lying between one of those strung-out bodies.”

Seeing this strong and powerful man so disheveled and vulnerable broke Diesel’s heart. He didn’t deserve this sort of stress or heartache. The man deserved to live a happy and stress-free life with the man he loved—who was apparently a cranky gun smuggler.

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Diesel didn’t know what to say.

“I-I’m sorry, M. I don’t know what’s wrong with me or why I do the things I do.”

Straightening back up, Matteo turned to face him once again.

“There’s nothing wrong with you.” Matteo stared at him with soft, pleading eyes. “You just have a lot of issues that you keep buried and refuse to deal with. Please. I beg you. When you are fully recovered, will you please go speak with a specialist? I really think that you need to talk to someone and work out all those dark feelings that you keep so closely guarded.”

Hearing the pain in Matteo’s voice, Diesel felt like the biggest asshole in the world. The man had been nothing but kind and generous and so fucking loving, and all he had done was bring pain and misery to this amazing man’s life.

That had to change.

“Sure. I’ll go speak to someone when I’m better.”

Silence fell between them as Matteo no doubt tried to determine whether he was serious or just trying to end the conversation.

“I promise.” He hoped that his eyes were sincere enough to reassure Matteo that he wasn’t lying.

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