Page 70 of The Chemist

“You got a point. What about your boss? That daddy guy who’s got you grounded?”

Diesel lowered his eyes. “Matteo. He’s the closest thing we all have to a father. Without him, I would have died a long time ago.”

Zero glanced over at Diesel, not wanting to take his eyes off the road for too long. “What do you mean?”

“It was Matteo who found me when I was nineteen years old.” He turned to look out the passenger window, appearing lost in a memory.

Perhaps the topic was too painful to discuss. Zero was just about to change the subject when Diesel began to talk.

“When I was eighteen, I was living on the streets, crashing at whatever place I could find or whichever sugar daddy or mama would take me in for the night. It wasn’t a life that I enjoyed, but it was better than the alternative.”

Zero watched as Diesel turned to look out his window once again.

“I started hanging out with this crew—other street kids who liked to party it up and did what they could to make some extra cash for drugs and booze. Some worked for local drug dealers, selling on corners and getting their fix on the side. Others, like me, took advantage of lonely men and women looking for a bit of attention and willing to pay for the pleasure of my company.” Diesel turned to face Zero once again. “Hey, at least all the money I made went to me and not some drug lord who would beat my ass if I didn’t make his quota.” He turned back to face the window. “Anyway, me and my friends were stupid as fuck. Partying it up when we could, not giving a fuck who we hurt or fucked over in the process. I was convinced that they were my crew. My family. The people I could trust to have my back if something went wrong.”

Diesel began playing with the fabric of his cheesy gym shorts. His body was tense, and he looked uncomfortable talking about his past.

Zero reached across the seat and placed his hand on his thigh. “You don’t have to talk about it if you’re not ready.”

Turning, Diesel gave Zero a half smile.

It looked like he wanted to talk about it, but just needed a reassuring hand letting him know that it was okay to open up to him. Zero got the sense it wasn’t often that Diesel let people in.

“No, it’s fine. Just makes me hate myself sometimes when I think about the past.”

Diesel lifted his hand and placed it over the top of Zero’s. Their fingers intertwined, and Diesel resumed his story.

“Anyway, so one night, I was partying with this dude who paid me five hundred pounds to suck me off. Hey, it was easy cash, plus I needed the money. After I left his motel, I hit up a buddy for some coke and K. Back then, I liked to mix coke with ketamine; yes, I know mixing them was stupid and dangerous, but no one thinks about that when you're eighteen and living on the streets. Anyway, after that score, I was feeling good and decided to party it up with my friends down in the park. At some point, I must have gone into a K-hole and passed out without realizing it. When I woke up, my friends and cash were gone, and I was lying on the ground shaking. I don’t even know when I passed out again or when Matteo found me, but I woke up the next morning in the hospital with an IV bag hooked up to my arm.

“Do you know that the damn guy stayed with me in the hospital for three days? He kept bringing me magazines and chocolate and asking if there was anyone who I wanted him to get in touch with. I think by the third day, he finally realized that I was all alone.”

Hoping to provide him with comfort, Zero rubbed gentle circles with his thumb.

“Once I was finally feeling better, M asked if I wanted to come stay with him for a while, just until I was able to get back on my feet. Of course, I thought the guy was just perving on me and trying to get me to drop my pants, but what did I have to lose? When we arrived at the château, he escorted me to my room and made it very clear that he was not interested in anything sexual. He was just trying to help someone who looked like they could use a hand at the moment.

“Matteo really did save me that day in the park. The doctor said that my heart rate was dangerously high, given all the drugs that I had been mixing. And it was a good thing that Matteo found me when he did.”

Diesel was back to looking out the window once again.

“So that’s how he found me. Don’t judge me. I was working through a lot of things in my head back then. I still am.”

“Is that why you’re seeing a shrink?”

Diesel’s head snapped around.

“You know about that?”

“It’s not that big of a secret around the house. I hear Jared and Chase talking about it all the time. He’s worried about you, you know. He scared you’re going to lose control and overdose sometime.” There was no judgment in his voice, only worry and concern.

Diesel lowered his head. “Yeah, I know. I owe it to the guys to work out the shit that’s rolling around inside my head.”

Zero gave Diesel’s hand a gentle squeeze. “I hope you know that I’m here for you whenever you need me. Just say the word, and I’ll be there.”

Diesel nodded. “Thanks, man. I appreciate that.”

They arrived back at the house just after six in the evening. They made a few pit stops along the way, some to grab food, some to check out things Diesel kept spotting along the way.

Zero had decided to take the scenic route home. He wasn’t in a rush to get back to the house, and to be honest, he was kind of liking the one-on-one alone time with his grumbly ray of sunshine.

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