Page 24 of Healing Her

Within what seemed like seconds, Ashley had cleaned her plate and was standing, open-mouthed, in the bathing heaven that was Jen’s bathroom. Jen had handed her a plush, neatly rolled turquoise bath towel, but Ashley’s fingers loosened and dropped it to the floor as she tried to take in what she was seeing. “This is your bathroom?”

“Mmhmm.” Jen walked over to the shower and began twisting the various handles. Steamy water began to stream out of what seemed to Ashley like dozens of nozzles. “Like it?”

“I think I’d give up my ocean view for it,” Ashley whispered, her eyes fixed on a handheld shower head that was giving her some very distinct ideas. Tugging at the end of the purple ribbon in Jen’s hair, she pulled it until it unfurled and fell to the floor, releasing the silver tumble of curls. “Strip and get in,” she ordered.

She stood, greedily taking in the sight of Jen’s lithe, compact body as it emerged from the shift dress. With a grin, Jen tossed the dress aside and stepped into the shower.

“You are going to join me, right?” she asked, dissolving into throaty chuckles as Ashley all but sprinted in and grabbed her up into a hot, melting kiss under the torrential spray.

17

Ascant handful of weeks later, things were distinctly less fun.

Two blocks from Oakridge, Jen pulled into the parking garage at the Beverly Center with a sigh. Her mood, buoyant when they’d left her apartment, had plummeted into cave-like depths, as it always did when it came to the end of her time with Ashley.

It was absurd to her that they, two grown career women, were skulking around like this. Yes, skulking. She couldn’t see it any other way. They hardly spoke at the hospital. They certainly didn’t eat meals together there. Or anywhere, for that matter. In the three weeks since their encounter at the Claiburne, every torrid, split-second kiss in a quiet hospital storage room, each bed-burning evening in one of their homes… it had all been clandestine, planned on the down low, in surreptitious whispers and text conversations. Never once had there been a dinner out, not even a sandwich in the hospital cafeteria.

Last week, Jen had walked through the hospital lobby after dropping Ashley off. She’d intended to get a chai latte from Bryce’s cart, but to her surprise, Ashley had managed to beather there. Jen began to walk up and join her, but the alarmed widening of Ashley’s eyes coupled with a panicked sidelong glance at Elaine Martin by her side made Jen back away and flee upstairs for the surgeon’s lounge and the machine there.

It felt… a bit dirty, if she was being honest.

“Earth to Jen.” Ashley’s voice was light, even affectionate. Her words were followed by her leaning over the gearshift and planting a soft kiss on Jen’s cheek. “This is my stop. See you in a bit?”

“Sure thing,” Jen replied, her mind continuing to wander as Ashley got out of Jen’s car and headed for her own, parked a few slots away. They would indeed see each other in a bit, and she would be kept firmly at arm’s length. At night, they had incredible, intimate talks and electric sex. In the daytime, she was held apart. At home she was Jen. At work, she was Dr. Colton.

This is not how she had pictured this going when she’d approached Ashley in that rooftop garden. Well, to be fair, she hadn’t at all been sure about what would happen that night, but in the end, she had not imagined that it would lead to whatever this was now. They were so close at night, yet so hurtfully far apart in the harsh light of day.

It was a week until Christmas. She’d been thinking of asking Ashley to accompany her to the Indigo Lounge holiday party in a couple of days, there was going to be a concert with Mia Cortes and other local talent, but… no. Not when things were so underground, unsettled, and weirdly shameful feeling.

Jen shook herself out of her funk and pulled her car out of the parking garage. Today she really did want a chai latte, so she had to beat Ashley to the hospital, or stand in line with an icky feeling in the pit of her stomach as Ashley thoroughly ignored her.

But she didn’t even make it to the coffee cart today. As she walked through the double doors of the hospital entrance,her cellphone buzzed in her pocket. “Hi, Steve,” she greeted the Chief as she answered, butterflies fluttering in her stomach. There could be only one reason why he’d call her instead of texting her if he had a question.

“There’s a heart,” he replied curtly, not bothering with a greeting. “Get here as soon as you can.”

“I just walked in the door; I’ll see you shortly.” She clicked off and glanced over to the coffee cart line, where sure enough, there was Ashley with Elaine Martin. Their gazes locked as Ashley, a curious expression on her face, pulled her phone out of her bag. Her brown eyes went wide with shock.

“I’ll come right up,” she informed Steve loud enough for Jen to hear. Then she leaned over to Elaine and whispered in her ear quickly before patting her on the shoulder and making a beeline for the elevator bank.

Jen hustled over to meet her there just as she was punching the button for the surgical wing. She ignored the frustrated glance Ashley shot her as they entered the elevator car together, choosing instead to wave away a pair of oncology doctors she vaguely knew as she hit the Close Doors button. “We’ve got to make a plan here,” she began, working to keep her voice steady. She was so excited for Maria, it was difficult. “We only have a mere matter of hours.”

Ashley was distant, her eyes fixed on the elevator doors. “I have a plan. I’ve been prepared for this.”

Jen pushed down a surge of annoyance. “Care to let me in on it? Remember, I have to be on the surgical team. Maria expects it, and Steve did say I’m to be involved.”

“I haven’t forgotten, and I still don’t agree with it.” Ashley glanced down at her and the flash of irritation in her eyes was a knife to Jen’s heart. “I maintain that you’re just too close to the patient for this to be a good idea.”

Blinking back tears at the detached coolness in Ashley’s voice, such a contrast from the affectionate tones of just fifteen minutes ago, Jen focused on her shiny black Blundstone boots. “I was there for the LVAD installation, and it went just fine, Doctor Proctor.” She swallowed back the lump in her throat and looked up at Ashley, trying to will her to meet her eyes. Cautiously, she reached out and placed her hand on Ashley’s arm. “Ash…”

That got Ashley’s attention, and Jen knew immediately the diminutive nickname had been a grave mistake. Ashley gazed down at her with incredulity in her eyes. “Doctor Colton, I’ll overlook that inappropriate intimacy for now, but please make sure it never happens again.”

Before Jen could gather up the remnants of her shattered heart, the elevator arrived on the surgical wing, and Ashley slipped out as soon as there was a wide enough opening in the doors, hurrying to the Chief’s office. Jen trailed behind, surreptitiously wiping a tear away as she let herself into the floor’s gender-neutral bathroom and locked the door behind her.

Then, and only then, did she give way to her hurt feelings and burst into sobs that she muffled into a crumpled handful of rough paper towel.

Jen sat quietly by Maria’s bedside in the post-anesthesia surgical care unit on the VIP floor. The clicks and beeps of monitoring equipment surrounded them, but it was otherwise quiet in the recovery area. Maria’s hand in hers was still, but soft and warm. Jen squeezed it gently.

It was late at night now. She never had gotten her chai, or even a coffee from the surgeon’s lounge. Once she’d recoveredfrom her crying fit in the bathroom, she’d joined the emergency coordination meeting in Steve’s office with Ashley and the rest of the transplant team. They’d worked out a comprehensive plan quickly, thanks to Ashley’s diligent preparation efforts.

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