Page 27 of Healing Her

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City plunked their drinks down on the table and shoved the dirty martini over to Ashley. “How many of these is it going to take for you to fill me in on what’s actually wrong with you?”

“Nothing’swrong,” Ashley muttered, sipping at the edge of her cocktail. She set the glass down, pushed it away, then pulled it back to pick up the toothpick and bite one of the olives off of it. It must have been a harsher bite than she’d intended, more of a vicious chomp, judging by City’s recoil and judgmental face. Ashley sat up straight. “Nothing,” she repeated, “is wrong.”

City took a long pull on the cocktail straw in her Paulson’s Paloma, one perfect copper eyebrow arched with skepticism. “Shall I count the ways in which you are just dead wrong?” she asked, lifting a hand to tick off on her fingers. “One, I do not see you for three weeks, I just get texts. Two, we are now at a Christmas party, and you’ve got thesourest, non-festive aura in the room. And this,” she gestured around the Indigo Lounge, “is a very large bar with a lot of people in it.”

Ashley rolled her eyes and sucked the second olive off of her toothpick. “Nothing?—”

“Three,” City continued like a runaway steamroller, “last time I did see you, you were sneaking off with that charming little silver-haired surgeon that drove you mad. I support that dalliance, by the by, but where is she? And why did your face turn into an absolutethundercloudwhen I just now mentioned her?”

“I came here to get into the Christmas spirit,” Ashley protested, throwing her hands in the air.

“You’re doing aterriblejob at it,” City shot back. “You are the Grinch, Ashley. So tell me, what is wrong? And how come I totally know it’s to do with the tiny surgeon?”

Ashley sipped her drink and thought. How could she explain what was wrong when she didn’t entirely understand it? Jen had been out of office for three days since their discussion in the hospital conference room. She had sent brief reassuring responses to texts Ashley sent but didn’t otherwise engage.

It hurt. But clearly not as much as she had apparently hurt Jen.

“We had a bad day a few days ago,” she began, squirming a little in her seat at the idea of being so emotionally open with City. It wasn’t their usual dynamic, and she still wasn’t entirely used to how much she’d let Jen in. But City was emotionally intelligent, usually had good and fairly blunt advice, and anyway, Ashley thought this might be an emergency and she needed all the help she could get.

City’s brow furrowed. “Define bad?”

“She hasn’t really spoken to me in three days or let me visit her after three weeks of being together virtually all the time.” It tumbled out in a rush, and Ashley slumped against the back of her chair. “I’ve messed up, but I don’t?—”

“You don’t see how what you did was a problem,” City pointed out, eyes shrewd.

“I mean, I see that it definitely has caused a problem, but I don’t see why she can’t meet me halfway here with some understanding.” Ashley sat up straight. “I’m new to this kind of… vulnerability. Openness.”

“I just know I am going to cringe hard at whatever you tell me is happening but please,” City swept her hand across the table, “Go on.”

“Jen has… a problem. With the way I keep my work life and my personal life very separate.” She picked her drink back up and took a mouth-puckeringly large gulp of it. The blue-haired bartender had made itverydirty this evening. “Which is to say entirely. Nobody knows we’re hooking up. I treat her very professionally at work.”

City’s eyes narrowed and she sat back, staring and thinking until Ashley began to shift around in her seat again. Then, shoving her drink aside, she leaned on the table and pointed sharply. “You’re freezing her out at work and you think that’s ‘being professional,’ don’t you?”

“I wouldn’t say freezing her out,” Ashley said, but Jen had also called it that, she remembered. “I just… I can’t let on that something is going on with us. I don’t want to be undermined at work by anyone who might use my personal life against me.”

“And who might do that, exactly?” City threw her hands up. “Your Chief likes you. Your immediate superior has told you that you’re definitely getting her job when she retires. There’s nobody on your level there besides you, so what the hell do you have to protect from being undermined?”

“I have a right to keep my personal life to myself!” Why did no one understand?

“Yes, but not if you’re trampling someone else’s emotions in the process, and I have a distinct feeling that you have been doing the flamenco on Jen’s,” City said. “Tell me what your idea of professional separation means. Step by step.”

Ashley hesitated. Being forced to think about how to explain what she had thought were perfectly reasonable requests was suddenly giving her an inkling why Jen was upset about it. “We… leave, and, um, arrive at the hospital separately. And I try to avoid talking to her if I can…”

City’s jaw dropped. “Say what?”

“I mean, if I talk to her, it’ll be so clear that I’m into her and something is going on. I’m not being a total ass to her anymore! I’m just trying to keep my distance.” It had all made sense in her head when they’d started this thing. And it still made a little sense to her now but seeing the horrified expression on City’s face made Ashley better understand that she really had hurt Jen with this. “I didn’t mean to fuck up.”

“Well, no, you never do, but wow.” City ran a hand through her hair and sighed. “I feel like there’s more.”

“Just, you know…” Ashley sought for words. “We’ve had to work together on some surgeries, and I just kept things very professional; I didn’t give her too much attention or a huge role…”

City closed her eyes for a moment. “Feeling like you went way too extreme on this too.”

“City, stop! Outside of work, I give her everything. It’s been amazing. I just wanted to keep work separate,” Ashley snapped defensively. “Our personal lives outside of work should be what matters most.”

“And outside of work, do you go on dates? You sure didn’t bring her here. I would have seen you.” City’s eyes were bright with challenge.

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